frylock if it is any consolation to you, I still feel loved and cherished, My friend with benefits and I already have plans to meetup with the same couple 3 times in the next few months, (we live in separate states, but they are small) so there is some (much!) desire to repeat and continue the relationship. To further explain the dynamics of the four way: the two men were lovers in their teens but live a bit far away from each other, the “other:” man and his girlfriend have been together 5 years my SO and I have been together 6 months. The other three participants were well aware it was my first time in a 4 way, and asked permission for each step,( I would like to do X. is that ok with you?) All three collaborated to make my first time memorable, VERY MEMORABLE!
get up and go out and get involved in something that interests you. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or other charity. Shoot, work with an animal rescue group and you will have more little buddies than you know. I have a freind who volunteers to walk rescued dogs at a shelter on the weekends and also fosters some dogs. You are only limited by your own insecurities.
I too am middle aged and alone and I have lost my dog, I miss her terribly. but I have lots of friends that I see when my work permits. I have more things to do than I have time to do them.
I’ve been married for over a year now, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little longer. My husband is great, perfect is almost every way, but our sex life is terrible, and there’s no passion. He’s more like a really good buddy. My boyfriend is the best lover I’ve ever had, the sex is phenomenal. I see him a few times a week. I know I should feel some guilt, but I don’t. I just want to be happy. I want to have my cake and eat it too.
My husband hasn’t had a job since he graduated 3 years ago. I’ve known him since he was 14 so I know his ins and outs. I think that he decided after college to laze around for a little while as a reward, and lost any opportunity he had to snag a job. Nobody will hire him now that he’s much, much more than 6 months in the gutter.
I sometimes get jealous that I’m the one working while he sits at home. I imagine him playing games all day even if that’s not what he does. Sometimes I check his phone to see if he really is calling the places he says he is. I make enough money to cover the bills, but the savings goes up extremely slowly. I want to own a house, travel a little, and be able to save for retirement. All he has to do is find contract work or part time work and every cent would go into savings for those things and I would feel so much better. But he can’t even do that. I feel like he’s not trying enough. He dreams of owning a business with me but I know he doesn’t have the guts to do anything and I’d be doing all the hard work. I don’t want to threaten or nag him into doing better. I try to be supportive and start him out with small ideas he can handle. I try different ideas to try and get him started on something he can get passionate about. Nothing works. It just becomes too much sometimes. I don’t know what to do to convince him that he needs to try so much harder. I know if he gets hired he will be fine. He follows orders like a champ and everyone he worked with in the past raves about how great a worker he is. He just can’t get the job in the first place.
Every now and then it just makes me cry at night, and he always promises he’ll do better, but I can’t believe him because he never gets any call backs and never follows through on his own. I hate having no faith in him. I hate thinking about him this way. I hate thinking about how more than one emergency will wipe us out and how I blame him for that. I wish we could trade places and for 3 years I get to do whatever I want while he works the desk job with shitty coworkers. I’d support him in trying anything, as long as we could afford the initial investment. But he has no drive for anything at all.
Note to person from post 190: if you are in the US, a therapist cannot report to anyone that you have abused animals. I am a psychologist, and we can only report the things we HAVE to report, which are threats of suicide or homicide, abuse of people under 18 or otherwise not competent. I get told about illegal behavior on a regular basis, and I can’t (nor do I want to) report it.
Poster of post 244, I’m the one with the quitting husband. I understand your misery, and you have my sympathy. What must it be like for women who have ambitious husbands? It’s not like ours have no ability, they just won’t/can’t work, and it’s driving me crazy.
And mine has quit his job, as I knew he would. His boss was “a big fat ugly woman”, and the “work was too hard.” Tonight he has been drinking and is weepy and maudlin and feeling deeply sorry for himself.
Both non-working husbands sound like they may be depressed to me. Depression completely and utterly robs you of your motivation to do just about everything.
So this would mean you actually began the relationship with the “bf” just as you were planning on marrying your soon-to-be husband? I don’t get it. At all.
I read it as “I found husband material, but he’s a lousy lay. Went out and found boyfriend who is a great lay but probably lousy (or at least lesser) husband material.” Best of both worlds for the secret-sharer.
I read it that way, too. I think the questioner is confused about how someone who isn’t boyfriend material can be husband materials (as in, why’d she (?) marry him if he’s just a buddy?)
I almost cheated on my fiance’ with one of his best friends after getting uncharacteristically drunk in a group and I can’t bring myself to tell him out of fear that it could ruin everything when I in fact didn’t cheat.
Don’t. Confession is seldom good for any but the confessor and any weird satisfaction you get from the masochistic urge to hurt your fiancé by relieving yourself of your guilt will be offset by the total loss of faith in you and his friend. Kneel on pencils if you need some absolution for your errant thoughts.
My son died of cancer and I am more relieved than sad. He was 8. You hear stories about people who are dying who are an inspiration because they are so courageous and can put on a happy face no matter how bad things get. My son wasn’t like that. He was miserable through the whole experience.
I get it. You were dying. I can’t imagine how awful it is to know that your life will be over in a matter of months. But couldn’t you have shown even a bit of appreciation to the people who were trying to comfort you? People would come to visit and he wouldn’t speak to them. It wasn’t because he was in pain (he was seldom in pain, even at the end). He was just a rude, miserable kid. Nothing made him happy for even a moment. When his favorite professional baseball player came and gave him a jersey with his name on it and a ball signed by the entire team he just took them and wouldn’t say thank you. We ended up turning away people who just wanted to make a dying boy’s life a little brighter.
He hurt his mother most of all. She just wanted to hold her boy and he pushed her away. It’s hard enough for her to go on having lost her child but she is left feeling that her child didn’t love her.
When he died I didn’t cry. I wasn’t sad. I was relieved that it was over. It has been three months now and I don’t miss him at all. I see his picture on the wall and I think “Thank god he can’t cause us any more misery.”
