That’s a painful admission. I know I was extremely sad when my first husband died, but I was also incredibly relieved.
You might be in shock still. Or you might just be more relieved than sad, like you said. Don’t be super surprised if it just hasn’t hit yet, though I am absolutely not saying that it will.
Ouch. I feel for you, and your wife. At the same time, I’m not sure I’ll be any better when it’s my turn to die.
Not trying to judge the feelings of the father of the little boy with cancer, but what about before he got sick? It sounds like he was just miserable and so was everyone else around him, and that’s understandable considering the circumstances, but it does seem like you would miss the person he was before he got sick, at least (but maybe he was difficult from infancy, some people are). I have to agree that you might still be in shock. Regardless, what a horrible thing to go through 
You do always hear about people being so strong and positive while dealing with their own or their loved one’s illness and death, and I always think that I wouldn’t be like that either. Not everyone can be, and they shouldn’t be expected to be.
I think oftentimes people just say they were strong, even if they weren’t. I mean, so many people said that about my mom, and she was kind of a mean bitch when she was dying. And actually I’ve read that the myth of the long-suffering patient is just that - a myth. Once the bedsores set in that is gone by the wayside.
I’ve been around a lot of family members who were dying and there was only one who suffered in silence. The rest let everyone know how miserable they were.
I’m middle-aged and smoke way too much pot. I always say I’ll quit for awhile, once my supply runs out, but I usually only last a couple of days and then buy myself a new stash. I smoke pretty much every night and all day on the weekends. It hasn’t affected my job or personal life, except to make me more of a homebody - which isn’t much of a change at all really.
I’ll literally go weeks at a time without doing a single minute of actual work at my job. This is probably why the pot hasn’t affected my worklife.
Is it that safe to admit being a politician?
First of all, *great *secret. Second of all, I really don’t believe it. This is obviously made up. Only a *very *bad (or criminally unintelligent) person would think this in the first place. If it is real, do not for the love of fuck consider having any more children, ever. Do you think physical pain is the only justifiable reason to be bitter at the end of one’s life? Because anyone who is *this *incapable of separating the effect of cancer on their child from their actual child is categorically incapable of unconditional love, and thus a terrible parent.
Your kid deserved a better father than you. And *that *is no secret.
Dead cancer boy-dad won the thread, the boards, the Internet, the world and the universe. I don’t care if it’s true or not (though I’m guessing it probably is.)
If it’s true, your ignorance and lack of compassion is beyond measure.
Wow, just wow, criticising your dead son because he wasn’t suitably grateful to people when he was dying of cancer at 8?
Yeah. Come on. I’m not a parent. I’m not the parent of this kid. I’ve never met this poor kid. And I still feel sad about him.
That is to say, if this secret’s true.
You’re judging too quickly. What you’re reading is just the part of the poster that he generally keeps secret. You’re not reading everything about his feelings about his son. You’re not reading anything that indicates how he behaved with his son. You’re reading just that one part in his mind that he was ashamed of and that he keeps secret.
Dude’s kid died. To call this a “stressful situation” is of course an understatement. Give him a break.
I love many kinds of animals, and even for those I don’t love, I believe in being kind to them and treating them humanely.
However…
I secretly enjoy catching mosquitoes, pulling their wings off, and tossing them aside, leaving them to die helpless. I figure that since mosquitoes have caused me and many other people suffering with their itchy bites, and given people around the world nasty diseases, this is my revenge.
Well, I, a former dengue-fever victim, did not submit that, but I’m finding it difficult to fire up much outrage.
I want to kill myself in three years. I’ve suffered from depression since preschool, at least. I’m 36. The only thing that has kept me going is my family–my parents and two siblings. I don’t want to hurt them. Seven years ago, I decided that I couldn’t keep going indefinitely for other people. The thought of living into old age just to keep from being hurt was too much to contemplate, so I asked myself how long I could realistically hold out. I decided to give myself ten years. I didn’t commit to killing myself in ten years, just to staying alive for ten years. I hoped that in that time my life would improve and I would finally find a way to treat my depression successfully. Deciding to live for ten years seemed like a manageable thing. It seemed like the longest I could commit to.
It’s been seven years. My life is not better. The thought of being alone and depressed in old age with no accomplishments and no purpose still haunts me. I won’t wait for that to happen. I’m not going to stop trying to improve my life, to find happiness and worth. I plan on going back to school for a graduate degree. But for the first time I’m not just waiting to see what I’ll do at the end of my ten years; I’ve made a decision. If my life hasn’t improved significantly, I’m going to end it. This isn’t a promise or a commitment or a challenge or anything else, just something I realized today I had decided. And having made the decision, I feel relief. I can always change my mind (either to prolong or cut short my time) but I know what my plan is at this moment, and that feels better than the anxiety of wondering how long I can manage to bear my depression.
I’m trying to decide whether and how to tell my family. I’m visiting them for the week.
I see no reason to tell your family. All you’ll do is cause them lots of guilt and pain because ultimately if you choose to kill yourself, really choose to, there’s nothing they can do to stop you yet they’ll live in constant fear and anxiety knowing that there is a countdown in your mind. People who haven’t been told ahead of time suffer with guilt when someone commits suicide, can you imagine how horrific it would be for people who were forewarned and were still unable to help? On that note, do you think that part of you wants to tell them to punish them in some way or make them miserable because you’re unhappy?
As far as the rest: I’m sure you’ve spent time and effort trying to work with doctors and/or hospitals to get a handle on your depression. You certainly don’t owe anyone any answers so if you don’t want to answer here, at least answer to yourself a few questions?
[ol]
[li]Have you made a real effort to combine both prescription therapy and behavioral therapy to try to relieve your symptoms? Have you done both recently? New medications and therapies are developed often and sometimes you may have to visit many doctors to find the right person.[/li][li]You said you want your life to improve. Have you defined what improvements you’re looking for? What would you consider success? Can you define what happiness is for you? Forget what you’ve been sold by the media. What would happiness, success, accomplished, and self worth look like to YOU? Some people need to feel fulfilled career-wise. For some people it’s relationships and/or family. For some it may be community service. For some it might be self expression or art. You’re not required to have a fantabulous career or have a certain amount of money to be a success. You don’t need a spouse or children to be fulfilled just because most people choose that. Do you even know what would make you happy? You might think you do, but write it down. Map it out in writing. Look at what you want and set REALISTIC goals.[/li][li]Perhaps you’ll always struggle with some degree of depression but with new goals or medication or a new environment you can be content most of the time. Ever think that maybe your “worth” that you’re looking for might be helping people who struggle like you do? Maybe in 10 years you’ll still be alive and helping other people who feel just like you do right now.[/li][li]Before you decide to leave the world why not get radical with attempts to find contentment? You’re contemplating the most radical thing a person can do, why not commit to doing something completely different before you make a choice you can’t undo? Look into some kind of international work like Peace Corps or ESL? A completely different environment may give you a whole new perspective on what you want.[/li][li]I know people give this advice a lot but I think few people try it and it really can be rewarding. Get outside of your own head and volunteer somewhere. Nursing homes need people to help feed patients at mealtimes or to read to patients, animal shelters need help walking dogs or cleaning cat cages, there’s Meals on Wheels delivery, teach adults to read, join a political campaign for something you truly believe in, contact Habitat for Humanity and see where you can help. The possibilities are endless and you might make a connection with something that gives you passion or just feel good about helping someone to give you purpose.[/li][li]If you’re not going to define what would improve your life and work toward goals to do it then I say get out of your own head and help someone else. Sitting around thinking about how depressed and miserable you are just keeps those feelings in the front of your mind. You start producing more adrenaline and cortisol and causing your body harm and making it feel worse and the cycle continues. Get out of your own way until you can figure out what you want and how to get it.[/li][/ol]
*Now, I realize this is all very easy for me to say and you may have already thought of ALL of those things and dismissed them all. If so, I am truly sorry to hear it and I sincerely hope you do not kill yourself. If the rest of what I’ve typed is useless to you then please just take the first bit to heart. Do not force your family to suffer along with you in this timeline of death when you are the only person who can save yourself.
Wow, just wow, you read all of that and you think it all boiled down to just his son not being grateful to people? Selective reading for the win!
I think it is good for you that you can admit this to yourself. Some people think it is shameful to think of yourself when loved ones are dying. It isn’t. It’s hard on everybody. No need to make your life harder than it already is.
Following the remarks on this secret and many others that have preceded it I feel obligated to say: “What’s with all the judging?” These are secrets. Obviously you’ll be critical and the secrets won’t be acts of valour. No need to make the sharer feel terrible about him/herself.
If you feel relieved by this decision. Stick with it. What ever makes you feel better. When you feel (even remotely) better. There is a bigger chance you will reach a place that will make you feel better. Baby steps get you very far.
This also means that you shouldn’t tell your family. At least not when you think you still have three years. If you think you’re at the end; tell and people will help. If you tell them now you will get (unwanted / negative) attention and that might put you back were you where.
Any comments (judging) on my advice is appreciated. I don’t want to make situations worse.
It’s a bitch to be someone age 8 dying of cancer. I would completely understand how nothing could cheer him up. And age 8 is not the kind of age where people are subtle in their ways.
It’s not going to do you any good, deadsonguy, but you have my sympathy.