I want to comment with this part of Sleeps With Butterflies’s reply: totally agree, if there’s nothing they can do about it and if the OP is going to carry through with the act, then don’t tell the family. This reminded me of a quote by Alfred Hitchcock, that master of fear and suspense:
I’m not trying to be inappropriate or macabre about the OP and their situation and intended action. If there’s nothing the family can do about it then telling them will only serve to fill their days with fear and suspense. They might already suspect the OP’s suicidal ideations as it is.
I intend to respond fully later, but in case I don’t, I want to say that I appreciate such a thoughtful reply, Sleeps With Butterflies. I desperately don’t want to hurt any of my family, and I know that suicide is one of the most hurtful things anyone can do to a loved one. But the thought of living the rest of my natural life like this fills me with terror and anxiety and gloom, and simply putting a limit on it somehow makes it all more bearable. I agonize over whether there is any way to make it look like an accident to spare them at least some of the pain. I want to tell them not to punish them, but because I would hope that by setting it far enough into the future they could do anything they can think of and not feel like if only they’d known they could have tried harder/acted differently. I would hope that it would be clearer that it is NOT the sort of thing that I could have been talked out of, nor a rash response to some imagined slight or failing on their part, but something I planned and was determined to carry out. Even more than that, I suppose I want permission, although that’s such a selfish thing to want; I know that it would only magnify the guilt they will feel immeasurably.
If they’ve been dealing with their depression that long, I seriously doubt that they haven’t seen a therapist. Also, when you’ve finally decided that the time is right to end your life after decades of agony, telling someone (and thus encouraging life saving measures) just adds more stress and prolongs the inevitable.
To man with the dead son: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how awful your situation must be to deal with and your secret to bear. I hope things improve with time.
Then I am going to say to my friend when he told me he was contemplating suicide.
Have you put your affairs in order? You don’t want to leave your family with more things to deal with than your death.
Have you talked to at least one friend? There must be someone you can talk to IRL. Not so much to talk you out of it…not that I want you to do it, but I understand at this point you’ve made your decision. But at least one person should know so they can help you. Unfortunately it’s not always easy to find someone who can help you.
Don’t get me wrong. I think you should give yourself the three years and try and find a way through it. But I also am realistic and believe in the right to take one’s own life, even when others disagree.
Wow… you were expecting an awful lot of maturity out of an 8 year old, and being damned selfish yourself. You’re both probably better off without each other.
I just can’t help but think that his son picked up on how his parents felt about him (even if they think they hid it), probably making him feel unloved and continuing the cycle of negativity.
Not to mention the fact that he was dying of cancer at age 8. It wasn’t his job to be strong, or courageous, or tactful. He was eight years old.
I’m not saying this to shame him because what is done is done, but christ. It is very chilling to think about. I hope it isn’t true.
Especially when it’s anonymous. He didn’t tell anyone he felt this way and I can’t see why saying he was relieved when the ordeal was over has reached this level of huff. He didn’t say he didn’t love him and, if you’ve ever taken care of someone chronically ill for a long time, it fucking wears on you. So, the guy dealt with the pain from finding out his kid was dying, being heartsick of treatments and the end to his dreams and hopes for him, the reality of the situation being completely different than what you’ve seen before and the fact that nothing, nothing, made it better.
Not one smile, not one thank you, not one sign that anything helped. Yeah, that seems like a hard pill to swallow, keep to yourself and still process everything else. Like getting through the shock of his death while keeping everything you eventually felt bottled up inside and not being able to tell anyone. Let’s judge that guy. Good job internet!
Again to the poster who shared his story: get some therapy soon. Because you can’t trust people in real life to treat you right over something like this. Case in point.
Not that my opinion matters, but the cancer boy story seems like exactly the kind of thing a troll would write if they wanted to exploit this thread.
However, if the story is real, dumping on the author would make a shitty situation so much shittier that I wouldn’t want to be the one to do it. The chance of it being real is enough to keep me from joining in any pile-on.
Obviously the story could be false - heck, Zebra could actually have made all these up except the one I submitted - but I see nothing so implausible in this story that we should assume that it’s false, and nothing to suggest that the person is wrong for feeling this way about a situation that must have been deeply traumatic. Let’s not be dicks about this, people.
[real zebra here] FWIW I think dead kid dad (dkd) is for real. He says it has only been 3 months. I bet he’ll feel differently as time passes. [/real zebra]