Exactly. It’s how he feels, not how he acted. Holy shit.
If the story is true, and FWIW I don’t believe a single word of it (feeling resentment, okay; describing your dying child as “a rude, miserable kid”? That rings my troll bell), then turning visitors and friends away because you’re tired of how your dying child is acting is kind of fucked up.
If it’s true. Which I don’t believe. I don’t want to totally derail the thread, though, so I’ll drop it.
The idea seems plausible enough, except… do they really tell young kids with cancer that they’re going to die?
“Stevie, you remember when your puppy got sick, and we told you we were sending him to the farm to get better? Well, we’re sending you to the farm to get better.”
Am I an ass for snickering at this?
For what it’s worth, I believe Cancerdad’s story.
If you are, then I’m an ass for posting it. Which is possible.
It’s almost as horrible as judging a minor child with cancer the exact same way. Until you factor in the fact that the minor and the dad in question had a pre-existing, ostensibly loving relationship with the minor and we’re talking to an anonymous asshole to whom we have zero obligation. Then the dad sounds a whole lot shittier.
Feelings that he has kept to himself I can’t imagine how more caring that can be.
So in your own view, you’re nearly as shitty as him and you think that he’s horrendous. In my view, your behavior here is awful. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
Real Zebra, I’m glad you checked in. I was going to suggest someone check on you, as I pictured you writhing on the floor, eyes glazed, your mind locked in the torture of being burdened by so many horrible, horrible secrets, taking them upon you, your soul being eaten by the weight of it all as each secret giver felt more and more relief as their guilt transferred over to you.
Cancer story rings true enough to me. :shrug:
The part about “I don’t miss him” sounds off. It is awfully hard to say that about your kid based on behavior he exhibited when he was dying with cancer. Think of all the years of love and affection you share with a child from babyhood up. You would miss that kid a lot, even if they gave you hell once the horror of knowing they were going to die set in.
Also, saying something like, “I get it…you have cancer” or some shit like that sounds a bit too on the nose of being inflammatory to not be some classic trolling. Just that phrase, “I get it…” is kind of a classic. Most people don’t really use it when a truly sensitive topic is at hand. We tend to use it for more flippant topics, because we know it can have a tinge of sarcasm about it.
Some people don’t love their kids even when they aren’t sick and miserable. Just a few months ago I created a discussion thread over a woman’s essay describing how she hates being a mother and regrets having kids. People bashed her too. I think a few people also accused her of being a troll and making it all up for attention.
Maybe I’m just pessimistic…but I find it believable. Not everyone is wired the same way. Every day the wrong type of person is birthing babies.
I do agree, though, that the “I get it…you have cancer” part sounds off. A person who lacks both empathy and insight could say something like this, but few people lack these things and also have significant others and children.
I think it’s pretty much a mechanical process for her: open the PM or email, scan content quickly to determine it’s a secret, c-and-p over to here, then delete the message. I mean, if she actually read each and every word and connected with each sentiment, man, her heart would be raked over the coals.
I dunno, just a SWAG on my part.
Hello. You all know me. Have been on the SDMB for over 10 years. You can call me Cheater Guy in this thread.
I’m a 40-ish male, good job, wife, three kids. Have been married 20 years. Live in the Midwest. Both of us were virgins when we married. My wife is a nice and trustworthy person, but we have major communication problems, and we rarely talk. We are so different… I am social and outgoing, and she is cold & antisocial and suffers from high degrees of stress, anxiety, and OCD. In addition, I have a very high sex drive, while hers is almost non-existent. As a result of the latter, I have cheated on her numerous times over the last eight years. And strangely, I don’t feel at all guilty about it. It was some of the best sex imaginable. My wife has never found out, as far as I know.
The first time I cheated on her was during an overnight campout after a Hash House Harrier (HHH) event in 2005. (The HHH is a running club.) It was only me - my wife did not attend. One of the runners (a women) and I were talking & drinking around the campfire after the run, and then later on one thing led to another. We ended up screwing in her tent. She was about 15 years older than me, but had a nice figure. Over the next 12 months I would go over to her home once a week in the evenings and we’d have mind-blowing sex. She was single, and didn’t seem to mind much that I was married. She eventually found a SO and we stopped seeing each other. We are still on good terms, and we go out to lunch a few times a year. Would love to hook up wth her again.
The second was with an old friend I hooked up with on FB in 2008. Though we went to grade school and high school together, we never dated during that time. We chatted for a few months, and then I rented a cabin in Tennessee for four days, and we hooked up there. (I made up an elaborate story for my wife that seemed to have worked.) It was fun… it was during the winter, and we spent a lot of time naked in the outdoor hot tub. But the sex was only so-so, and she was very overweight. We’ve been in contact since. She messaged me a few nights ago and said she wants me to come down and visit her for a few days at her apartment in Florida. I would like to go, but not sure what excuse I could use this time with my wife. And yes, this woman knows I am married, and doesn’t seem to mind at all.
The third time was with another friend I knew from high school. We hooked up on FB, and she knew I was married. She was only 1.5 miles south of me, so I drove down there one evening to visit her. I think it was in 2009. We ended up having sex and I spent the night. Over the course of the next few months we had sex 4 or 5 times, and then she found a steady boyfriend so we put a stop to it. The sex was pretty good, but she was very overweight and very dim. It was impossible to carry on an intellectual conversation with her; she was just very dumb.
The fourth time was quite interesting. I was friends with a gentleman for about a year, and one evening in 2010 I invited him, his wife, and two young children over to our house for dinner. It was the first time I had ever met his wife. She was pleasant and nothing out-of-the-ordinary happened. A few months later I invited them over again, this time for a Super Bowl party. About a dozen people came over. This was when I discovered his wife was quite the drinker and partier. At about half-time everyone was in the party room and pretty shitfaced, and my friend’s wife and I went outside for some reason. We French-kissed each other and then I stuck my hand down her pants and fingered her. The next day I PM’d her, and then a few days later I went over to her house around noontime when her husband wasn’t home and her kids were in school. We drank some wine and screwed on the couch. And then an hour later she got on her knees and gave be a BJ to completion while I stood in her kitchen. Over the next few months we hooked up at least 8 times. The sex was extremely hot, and we did it in every position imaginable and in every opening. She was a very intelligent, educated, and articulate person (which is a huge bonus for me), she traveled a lot for her job, and got free hotel rooms at Marriott due to points she eared during traveling. So I would meet her when she stayed at a local hotel. She eventually called it quits for some reason. I still keep in touch with her via FB. Would like to get together with her again, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. In addition, she is quite overweight. (She got bariatric surgery a year before we hooked up. She had apparently lost a lot of weight, but her skin had stretched so much that it looked like she was wearing a thick winter coat made of skin. I saw her a few months ago, and it looks like she has gained at least 50 additional pounds. (!) Not attractive at all. But I love her smarts and personality, which keeps me attracted to her.)
The fifth time was in 2011. I PM a woman I used to work with way back in high school. She was married. We met at a restaurant for lunch and drank a bunch of beer. Afterwards we got in her van and she gave me a BJ to completion. We’re still FB friends, but I haven’t seen her since. Despite being 47, she was pretty hot looking.
The sixth time was a couple of months ago. I’m an adjunct professor for a local college, and a student and I went out for beers near the end of the semester. She wasn’t bad looking – 40 years old, no kids, had never been married, and overweight but not “fat.” She asked if I was married, and I lied and told her I was once married and now divorced. (I usually don’t wear my wedding ring in class, so she didn’t know.) We went out for a few beers for a second time after the final exam. It was at that time that I broke the news to her that I lied during our previous get-together, and that I was married and had three children. She was pretty upset and disappointed, and I felt like total shit. We drank a few more beers and then went out to the parking lot. Next thing I know, both of us were in her GMC Suburban and fucking. I went down on her and even fingered her butt hole, which made her orgasm. I messaged her the next day, but didn’t hear from her. And I still haven’t heard from her. Was hoping we could get together on occasion, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering… I am not a “looker.” I am very short and balding. Not good looking at all. The above stories are the only sexual events I have ever had in my life (not including those with my wife).
If you want to ask me some follow-up questions, you can refer to me as Cheater Guy.
[real zebra]
Well I’m a guy.
I decided that I should not “comment” on them in this thread. I don’t want to in anyway discourage someone from sending in their secret. If I came down on someone… I’ve wanted to say stuff. Sometimes supportive stuff but hey, then I would be outing myself as being similar to the secret. I almost, thanks to the magic of copy and paste, posted the sex foursome as a Facebook status. That would have been ‘bad’.
One person wanted to secretly “pit” some other posters and I wouldn’t let them.
I will say that the cancer dad came to me as a PM and not an anonymized email. So I think it is “true” and it is how he feels now. But grief is a long process. In about a week I won’t be able to remember who it was.
The only other thing about this thread is that I’m kind of disappointed someone didn’t read the op or forgot and pitted me for doing something that I’ve never done. It would be funny.
[/real zebra]
To summarize: Please ask him questions so he can give you even MORE details and don’t forget to call him Cheater Guy so he can answer all of your questions and comments. My favorite part is how he lists the ages and hotness level of each lady. Bonus points that he seems genuinely surprised that ladies of these ages are good looking enough to screw, some of them despite their weight. Also don’t forget you can refer to him as Cheater Guy!
I lurve you Sleeps!
When I first started following this thread (along with everyone else), I figured that one - or a dozen - of these were just a matter of time.
Tip o’ the hat to you for a) keeping this as “confidential” as you have, and b) not letting this thread turn into the “pitting” bitch-session that you refer to, above.
I can even buy the relief part; most of us have had that feeling when someone we love has died after a long and/or painful illness.
The part I think is atrocious is the part where he basically implies that his 8 year old son was UNGRATEFUL and an asshole for not being happier when people were trying to cheer him up, like this kid owed these people something.
I imagine a kid dying of cancer feels like shit, and may be depressed, and in this case, is likely feeling pretty unloved, because his parents aren’t acting like they used to toward him (and are thinking he’s ungrateful), so that only makes it worse.
The whole thing’s sad and awful, but it really got under my skin when the guy basically describes his son as having been ungrateful, rude and miserable, as if a very small child with a terminal illness is going to be all sunshine and rainbows.