So you’re saying the the kid was ungrateful, rude and miserable?
this is an awesome thread. Well done to the secret sharers. Especial well done to zebra.
I’m a married wife and mother who takes good care of herself and I’m attractive, I guess, based on the attention I get from others. I’ve been obsessed with sex since I was very, very small, and I burn through every relationship I’ve had because I can’t keep my hands to myself and all I want to do is have as much sex as I can whenever I can. But I seem to keep attracting men who have lower sex drives, or I burn them out with my attention. Probably the latter. I’m half convinced that whatever inclination leads men to roam in search of new partners also leads them to get bored and boring in long term relationships and the minute they stop paying attention to me and let themselves go I start looking for attention elsewhere. I warned my husband before we married that I had a ridiculous sex drive and that I would drive him crazy, and he reassured me he did, too. My husband stopped showing an interest in sex two weeks after we got married, gained quite a bit of weight, and started calling me “Momma” instead of my name. I’ve asked him to stop. He laughs. I attempt to have sex with my husband every single day, but he only responds once per week or so. I cry myself to sleep every night, and masturbate every time I have some privacy, usually remembering the best lover I ever had who I have a 25 year on again off again thing with. Unless I’m directly interacting with my kids, I’m constantly overheated and my head is filled with thoughts of sex. I have wet dreams nearly every night. I keep everything waxed and shaved and I wear a little makeup and fix my hair and wear cute clothes and sexy underwear every single day no matter what the task is. Every second of every day I’m primed for sex and I’m down at every opportunity. Except there are never any opportunities because my husband checked out on me. And I’m a good lover. I’m generous, and kinda subservient, happier to please than to be pleased. I take cues very well and when I’m with a partner who likes it quiet: I’m quiet. When I’m with one who wants it hard and fast: I’m happy to play along. I’d be someone’s favorite plaything if only they’d play with me. I’m so lonely I’m crying while writing this.
Whenever we go out with friends, I flirt a little when no one’s looking, I smile and chat up at all our available friends and acquaintances and occasionally get involved in brief emotional things that I stop before they progress beyond a little talking. Everyone in our circle can tell he neglects me and all of our male friends and a couple of our female friends make sympathetic noises at me and then flirt or offer to take care of me. Once, I went to the kitchen at a friend’s party to get a refill and three of his best friends (male) were chatting about golf when I walked in. They went silent and watched me walk to the fridge, when I turned around and said “What?” David said “He’s an idiot for leaving you alone, you know that, right?” and Bobby and the other David laughed and one said “It’s true. I’d never let you out of my sight”. I blushed and smiled, then hid in the bathroom and cried because everyone can tell how miserable and lonely I am, and cried because I would have loved to have been in any of their beds at that moment. It’s a relief to know I have options, but I’m not foolish enough to gamble on cheating because I love my children too much. But I want to. Oh how I want to. I think to myself “I don’t necessarily have to live the rest of my life cold and alone in this one sided marriage.” I haven’t cheated, but I want to and badly, and the resentment I feel towards him for becoming a lazy, cold, disinterested partner who treats me like a mother instead of a wife is going to win sometime soon.
God I’m so lonely and sad. All I want is to make love to my husband every chance we get. And he is not interested at all. I’ll die lonely and miserable and cold. If it weren’t for my amazing kids I’d have left him 30 days after we married.
I winced too, but as a parent I know how it feels to consider your child’s behavior as a reflection of your parenting skills. Even a dying kid is a reflection of his parent’s child rearing skills and attitude. I find myself apologizing when my one year old is fussy, when she is reluctant to go to a stranger, even when she doesn’t smile or wave on command. Hell, she’s one, she doesn’t owe anyone anything, especially a stranger, but I feel judged on her every behavior nonetheless. It would be awkward to have to thank someone who was met with a dismal attitude, someone who was probably hoping his charitable act would be well-received and appreciated. Just awful and awkward all the way around.
Not to mention the fact that we’re all too familiar with the concept of a noble death, and we’ve seen kids portray a good attitude while dying on television. Even though we know that most children simply aren’t capable of being stoic. Even though the pain and terror they must be feeling keeps parents awake at night. Even though parents must be thinking why not us and not them. Those moments where you’re put on the spot by helpful strangers and caregivers would still be awkward and hard to properly respond to. I can’t imagine how I would feel, but I bet I would have brief moments just like secret guy, where I was angry or relieved instead of mourning and gnashing my teeth every second. Anger and acceptance are just two of the stages of grief. Any parent of a sick or dead child is entitled to go through all those stages in whatever order they may come.
I can’t imagine. I’m sorry, though, for everyone who has ever gone through it. So sorry.
Wow, I feel for you. One day your kids will be out of the house, and perhaps you can leave then to have the life of your dreams.
Heh, Ms. lonely and sad should meet up with “Cheater Guy” after the kids have flown the coop. It was meant to be! 
Ugh. Don’t joke about that. My husband started the “Mom” thing while I was pregnant and the roles changed. It’s awkward and feels irreversible.
My only question is, why bother with the pseudonym?
I guess he really just wanted to use the moniker Cheater Guy.
Relevant question, but I understand if you can’t answer: Was it a PM from a newly signed-up poster or someone long established?
Indeed. Elendil’s Heir should just man up to it and use his real identity.
A long hot summers day, I’m over visiting a friend. Her son, maybe 12 years old comes over to me. I remember well I was standing in the kitchen, my friend out of the room.
The son, Dave says his friend Benny is going to kill someone and make it look like an accident. I tell him he’s being silly. He brings Benny over. Benny explains his intention.
Ok, Benny, who you going to kill? Another friends son, the oldest one, Jack, a kid of the same age as Dave and Benny - their friend. I’m here peeling carrots or something listening to a couple of kids blabbing on. I let him run on with his thoughts. He’s going to get Jack, not the younger brother, the younger one is stronger than Benny, but he can handle Jack. If it works out he’ll probably take out the third and smallest brother at a later date. It’ll be a drowning or falling off a cliff. A terrible accident.
I explain the consequences such as he can understand, I tell him he won’t get away with it, he’ll end up in prison and disappoint his parents, he’ll regret it etc. He’s thought of all that, he’s still going to do it - just because he can. He just wants to get away with murder. I don’t know this kid that well, he is a bit wild so I call my friend to come, he repeats the story to her and she poo poos him. Nonsense! Run along and play she says.
This same summer those boys were getting a little out of hand. My friend tells me they were in some house where there were lots of videos ?? she had to hunt the kids down and tell them not to go there anymore. When I pressed her about what the kids were up to she hushed up. For one reason and another I grew apart from that friend, never found out the full story on the forbidden house.
It’s about four years later my friend, Jack’s mum calls me. There’s been a terrible accident - her son Jack has drowned. All the boys were out swimming the day before and Jack jumps in, hits his chin on Bennys head, goes down and doesn’t come up. The kids can’t find him and a boat comes around to help search, they find him wedged under a rock, like the waves pushed him under.
So I go over to my friend. She’s in a high state of … well, she’s buzzing, she says she’s come to terms with the death, she’s concerned that the boys shouldn’t feel responsible, there’s nothing wrong with what they were doing, jumping off some rocks off the beach - a lot of the kids do it. It’s all pretty shocking. People come and go, later that day the group of boys show up with their parents. These folks are all friends, kids the same age, all grown up in and out of each others homes, everyone is devastated - it could have been any of their sons.
I havn’t seen Benny since that summer some years ago. Benny pipes up - Hey, remember that house we used to go to? He’s remembering me from that time. And Dave’s mum tells him to shut up. I think they well suspect Benny of being a murderer but want to gloss over it.
Here’s the thing. My friend was so accepting and so able to move through the lost of her kid that I didn’t say anything about the murder plot. I know if I’d tried to remind Dave’s mum about Bennys plan those years ago she’d pretend she didn’t remember. I think Benny killed Jack. Of course I can’t prove it. But what if he then kills the youngest son.
I’m coming from it from the perspective of a parent of a 2 year old, who knows that in 6 years, he’s still a long way from being “fully cooked” so to speak, and expecting gratitude and a cheery disposition from him if he ends up terminally ill (God forbid!) is absurd, and unrealistic.
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but feeling relief that the kid is gone because he wasn’t that guy’s idea of what a terminally ill 8 year old should have been stuck in my craw.
???
To fill in, people who are cheating don’t refer to themselves as cheaters. They’re not “cheating” because their spouses aren’t interested in sex and “probably” wouldn’t care if they knew. They’re just “working out their excess libido” or whatever.
On the other hand, most guys wouldn’t mention the part about sleeping with fat chicks, so maybe he’s telling the truth.
Good God, I’d divorce him for this alone. Sexual incompatability is one thing, but from your description the bigger issue appears to be mental cruelty.
Obviously anonymous Internet advice is worth only what you pay for it and I have no idea how many kids we’re talking about and what ages and what your financial circumstances are and so on and so forth, but bringing up the kids in a miserable household is not necessarily an improvement over a broken one - especially if, in the fullness of time, you find a happier relationship (potentially with someone who is willing to agree to an open marriage of some sort to ensure your needs are met). A happy you could make for happier kids.
(That said, a messy divorce and custody battle could also mean a lot of pain. God, I’m useless at this internet advice thing. Send your post to Dan Savage - he’s got more experience in this sort of thing than I do.)
You’re still missing the point.
Watching your child die is horrific.
Watching your child die while desperately doing everything in your power to alleviate some of his suffering and having those feeble efforts to do something not only not be effective but to get them thrown back in your face - that’s a whole other level of traumatizing.
The relief is not “I’m glad the snotnosed brat is dead”, it’s “at last the pain - his pain and mine - is over”.
That’s a thing people do?
Ugh, it feels weird to refer to my wife as ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’ to my kids and they are 5 and 2.
It’s always ‘your mom’ or ‘your mommy’, never just ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’.
Cheater Guy, could you give us a few more personal details? There’s still, like, at least two or three different posters you might be.
Hey Cheater Guy, any other fat chicks buttholes you’ve fingered.
Pffft. No there’s not.
I embezzled over 10K from one of my first jobs, almost 20 years ago. I was found out, but the manager took pity on me and let me pay it back and did not involve the police at all.
I am completely selfish and always think of myself first. I rarely deny myself anything. If I want it, I get it.
I lie CONSTANTLY.
I have been secretly (or not so secretly) abusing alcohol pretty much nightly. My husband knows I drink but he doesn’t know how much. I buy liquor store gift cards at gas stations and grocery stores to hide the spending from my husband. He can’t understand why we keep going further and further into debt.
I work full time for an IT company and I easily spend 7 out of 8 hours of my workday surfing the net. My job is very easy and can be done in just that one hour. I should feel guilty for being paid well to do virtually nothing but I don’t.
I am a social phobic and I pretty much avoid social interaction at all costs. I don’t answer my home phone or the door. I’ve ruined many relationships due to this with family and I’ve pretty much driven away all of my friends. Friendship seems like too much work to me.
I created several fake facebook accounts for the purpose of spying on people or trolling people’s accounts. I also deliberately post things that I know will bait people and have gotten involved in people’s lives that I don’t know - for eg. contacting someone to let them know that their husband/wife was cheating on them, etc.
I pretty much hate myself and have no idea why anyone would want to be friend with me or spend any time with me at all. My husband loves me dearly and I don’t believe that I deserve that love. When he tells me how beautiful I am or how great I am it makes me very uncomfortable and it sounds like he’s talking about someone else.