Well glad you cleared that up because that is the first thing that comes to mind when someone tells me they banged a bunch of lonely old fatties. Guess we can cross Brad Pitt of the list.
This one is really, really awful. You may have ruined people’s lives for no reason. Please don’t ever do this again.
As for the author of post #340, if you are as self-described, you do sound pretty awful. Cheater guy on the other hand, sounds no more plausible than any letters to Penthouse.
Not judging or anything, but can I ask you why you do this? Do you think it’s jealousy that makes you do this? Do you ever feel bad afterwards?
I wondered if the author of this post has a personality disorder and/or a history if childhood trauma. Not diagnosing the person; that’s just how it struck me.
If that’s the case (or even if it isn’t), poster 340, you can get help. You don’t have to live your life believing you’re a piece of crap, which is what it sounds like you’re feeling.
My point wasn’t that it isn’t horrific, but that rather he seemed almost angry and resentful that the kid didn’t appreciate anything or was “rude and miserable” in the face of all this cheering up. 8 year olds aren’t known for grace and gratitude at the best of time, and expecting it and then being resentful that he didn’t get it in that situation is just astounding, and seems more than a bit selfish to me.
Have you ever been the caretaker for someone with cancer? I have, It’s awful and draining. Some people get really mean when they’re dying, it’s a hard road and we’re human so it’s almost impossible not to feel some resentment topped with a lot of guilt for feeling it.
Imagine doing everything you can to help a person you love, and on your worst day, after getting yelled at by your boss and stuck in traffic and spending your lunch hour at the pharmacy again and cleaning the house and everything else we get through on a long hard day, and then the person you’re doing it all for complains that the eggs are cold. On some days it’s enough to make you crazy trying to please someone who will never ever be happy again because they’re pissed off about the cancer. And it can go on for years.
On some of those days all it would take to turn it around would be a thank you, but you probably won’t get it because cancer people aren’t expected to remember their manners. It’s easy to judge the dad who posted here if you haven’t been through it, but I have and I get it.
It’s different when someone who is past the age of reason acts ungrateful for your help. An adult (who doesn’t have dementia) is nominally mature enough to be held responsible for their actions, even when they have cancer. They can also, on their good days, do things that a child cannot. An 8 year old who is competely at their parents’ mercy *cannot *be held to a similar standard.
I’m of the opinion that no one should be judged on thoughts alone, however horrible those thoughts may be. I don’t consider it a mark against Cancer Dad if he felt relief or even anger/disgust with his sick child- only if he treated his son improperly. I’m not sure if turning people away counts- if it was clear to him that having more visitors wasn’t helping his son in any way, then turning away visitors might be the right thing to do, whatever his feelings were.
+1
I just don’t understand all the angst at this father for how he feels so close to, and after, the event of his son dying. And you’re absolutely right. I couldn’t care less what was going on in his heart or head, as long as he treated his son well (and it sounds like he did), then his internal monologue doesn’t matter.
I also agree with the poster who talks about caring for someone with cancer. It’s a process that will kill you over time and just because it’s a child that you’re the caretaker of, doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking when not a single thing you or anybody does, ever, causes them relief or happiness. It’s so understand to think like that dad while in the middle of that situation.
I agree with this, and it’s especially true if someone has thoughts about experiencing something as horrific and extraordinary as watching your child die. Much as we would like to, we don’t get to control our emotional responses to events. Therefore I see no point in judging people for them.
I dunno. Angelina is pretty thin. Maybe ol’ Brad just likes a little variety.
I thought the same thing, but let’s see if we can get him to divulge any more information.
Cheater Guy, please understand that I’m not mad or judging you as I write any of this. I’m just trying to figure out how your brain works since mine obviously works differently. Just genuinely curious.
Does it bother you that neither of you would have had HPV when you got married, but now you’re putting her at risk for it and at greater risk of getting cervical cancer? Do you use a condom when you cheat? And if so, do you ever worry that the condom will break or that an STD could still work its way between the pores of the latex?
Do you feel that you are to blame for cheating on her, or that your differences in sex drive are to blame?
Did you feel guilty about it the first time, and then it became easier? Or did you never feel guilt from the get-go? Is the cheateing thrilling at all for you? And if so, is the cheating the same level of thrill or less each time? Have you ever felt like your wife has gotten close to finding out? Has something ever happened that might make you worry that she’ll find out, such as the phone rings while your wife is home and you worry that it might be one of the women you cheated with?
Are the secrets over? This thread is damned interesting, though I could do without all the judgments by the peanut gallery.
Pecan gallery, thank you very much.
I think you may have misunderstood the purpose of this thread.
How so?
Just so we’re clear, Cheater Guy did say…
…so I took that as an invitation in only his case to ask questions. Yes, my questions did sound judgmental but they’re designed to help us get an understanding of how he thinks (since the way he thinks is so alien to probably most of us), not to shame him.
[QUOTE=Rachellelogram]
Pecan gallery, thank you very much.
[/QUOTE]
Meh…peanuts…pecans…they both go well with CARNATION ICE CREAM!
I think this deserves a comment.
A whole lot of people feel this way, and then feel guilty for feeling it. Your husband might not know what’s going on in your heart right now, but for his sake (and especially your own) you should talk to him about it. If he can’t help you feel better, all of this is pretty much first-day-training for therapists. There’s a great chance they can help you change your perspective.
All it really takes from you is to take that first step - to let someone know what’s going on.
I feel like I’m just barely holding on. I’ve posted in this thread before. I’ve been feeling better, but the last few days have been consumed with intrusive thoughts of hopelessness and wishing I was gone. I don’t think I can kill myself, I’ll just fade away into homelessness and oblivion.
I’m just so lonely.