Whoever wrote this can pm or email me and I’ll listen, and talk as needed. You don’t have to be lonely- you can reach out to somebody. And I don’t need to know your Doper name.
You may be chemically depressed. There may be treatment available, though it doesn’t always work for everyone. But recognizing that this may be due to physiological reasons, and not because there is something wrong with you as a person, can help your mindset.
It makes me sad to realize people feel the need to hide their depression and despair and view it as a secret. That’s not the culture I want to live in.
Me too. Any of you people who need someone to talk to can PM me if you want. I’m nice (to people who aren’t loud psychopaths in public…if you’re a loud public psychopath, seek support elsewhere) and won’t judge. I really mean it.
[zebra] I think that has more to do with having depression than our culture. I occasionally suffer from it. I’m good now. I was in a bad shape a year ago. Getting help, feeling like you are worth getting help, is the hardest part. [/zebra]
I agree that depression creates its own problems getting help, but I do feel like we put a lot of pressure on people and a lot of shame on anyone with any mental issues. Do people post things in this thread they are okay with others knowing about them? That seems, to me, to reveal guilt or shame about it. I can be convinced I’m wrong, though!
[zebra] I kind of hope, that people who posts “secrets” and then get some positive responses, would just post here under their own name or start a thread. Of course there is a on going “depression support” thread here in MPSIMS as well. I do agree that we, as a society, don’t treat “mental illness” in a great way. But it’s a lot better now than when I was a kid. (WIWAK is that an acronym? It should be) [/zebra]
[zebra]to be fair, I’m the one who bolded the name Cheater Guy in the original post of this secret[/zebra]
I’m Cheater Guy. Stupid moniker, I know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Engineer Dude View Post
Cheater Guy, please understand that I’m not mad or judging you as I write any of this. I’m just trying to figure out how your brain works since mine obviously works differently. Just genuinely curious.
Does it bother you that neither of you would have had HPV when you got married, but now you’re putting her at risk for it and at greater risk of getting cervical cancer? Do you use a condom when you cheat? And if so, do you ever worry that the condom will break or that an STD could still work its way between the pores of the latex?
No, have not used a condom. Probably a dumb thing, but I guess I’ve been lucky.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Engineer Dude View Post
Do you feel that you are to blame for cheating on her, or that your differences in sex drive are to blame?
It is certainly my fault; I don’t blame her at all. My biggest mistake was marrying her in the first place. I was very naïve and inexperienced throughout HS & college, and should have spent time dating in my early 20s. I didn’t do that – I never went through a dating phase. Now I am regretting it. I would divorce her, but we have children at home, and I know it would devastate them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Engineer Dude View Post
Did you feel guilty about it the first time, and then it became easier? Or did you never feel guilt from the get-go? Is the cheateing thrilling at all for you? And if so, is the cheating the same level of thrill or less each time? Have you ever felt like your wife has gotten close to finding out? Has something ever happened that might make you worry that she’ll find out, such as the phone rings while your wife is home and you worry that it might be one of the women you cheated with?
No, I’ve never felt guilty about it. Not sure why. And I’m not a narcissist who is incapable of feeling guilt; quite the opposite really. (I attended Catholic schools for 12 years. 'Nuff said.) Is it thrilling? I suppose there’s some thrill to it, but that’s not why I do it. To put it simply, I do it because I love sex. To answer your last questions, there have been some close calls, but she has never found out.
I have a friend that I don’t really think I want to be friends with anymore. He’s a know-it-all, talks too much, gets upset easily, constantly corrects people even though he’s wrong a lot, is argumentative, will never let any point go without commenting on it, is very condescending, and tries to make you feel bad about your accomplishments. I think I’m in this friendship more because I’ve known him for over half my life and we hang around in the same group of friends and have similar interests. But I can’t hang around him for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time because any longer and I just want to strangle him. I don’t know if I will miss him if we stopped talking to each other.
I also think I’m using him too…I know I am…because he helps me with my computer and has been for years. Also I think he reminds me of myself when I was younger, when I was also an insufferable know-it-all and argumentative and picked verbal battles with people all the time. I’m a lot better now but he hasn’t changed since high school and is still doing that, in fact he might be worse than I was back then.
I think part of me feels guilty about that, that I used to do it so I have no right to judge him, so I stay friends with him out of that guilt and some psychoanalytical desire to not reject that part of myself that I know is still inside but I’ve managed to suppress in order to be “normal.”
There was also another incident that happened over 10 years ago. I was at a similar point as I am now where I couldn’t stand his attitude any longer. I picked a verbal fight with him knowing that he would respond badly. I used that as an excuse to not speak to him for over a year. I feel bad that I did that instead of telling him outright that we had to have some space from each other.
I’ve been told I’m smart my whole life. I am surprised by how often I am told that. It often also happens after a short conversation with people. I do not believe it. Nor do I see myself as smarter than anyone else. In recent years I have experienced I am smarter than the average person, but I still don’t see myself as smart.
Sometimes I do give in to what other people say and always I immediately find something I didn’t succeed at. Nor do many accomplishments in my life show I’m smart. It frustrates me to be called smart and I’d rather not have it.
I want to kill one of my cats. Ever since moving in with my girlfriend (now wife) and her dog three years ago, she’s taken to randomly pissing in various parts of the house for no apparent reason.
She’s been vet checked on multiple occasions; there’s nothing wrong with her other than her weight.
We’ve tried Feliway; it does nothing.
We put her food dish in her favorite spot du jour; she picks a new spot.
We’ve added litter boxes; she doesn’t care.
I clean said boxes twice a day; she fails to appreciate it.
We put additional litter boxes in her spots; she’ll happily use the box for a bit and then find someplace else to piss.
I buy Cat Attract litter to the tune of $80/month; she don’t give a fuck.
She gets one more round of vet checks. Honestly, I’m hoping they find something terminal, so I have an excuse to put her down. If not, this may be her last chance.
The worst part? She thinks I’m her mom. She’ll jump up to knead and nurse on me if I sit in the same spot for more than two minutes. It’s gonna break my heart. Dammit.
I’m mentally ill. So I don’t think we should lock away all mentally ill people or anything like that. I do, however, think we should lock away everyone who talks to themselves in public. (I don’t mean those who occasionally mutter something to themselves - I mean people who constantly talk, out loud, to themselves. Or their imaginary friends or whatever.)
I don’t think we should lock up these people because they’re dangerous to society - most of them probably aren’t - but because they’re fucking annoying.
Reply #6 here.
Husband is now gainfully employed. (Health benefits are forth coming) We (both men) are still, unfortunately, both raging alcoholics. I’m chugging along in college as an “honors” student, but know that I’m just fooling the system. I’m not learning the material, I’m learning how to pass tests… Is this what post secondary education is about?
Pretty much, yeah. If you’re in grad school, throw in the ability to write a bunch of reasonably coherent papers and talk your way through a well-constructed powerpoint.
Perhaps the reason you feel like a terrible person is that you do terrible things. I am not saying you are a terrible person. I am saying a little kindness can go a long way for self-esteem, and is good for the rest of the world too. Why not try it?
Never dated, never had sex, never even been kissed. I think about it almost every day and I can’t decide if I missed something wonderful or avoided something awful. I’m male, in my mid 50’s, heterosexual.
Wow. I could’ve written that. (except that I’m in my late 20s and female.)
(Though I have been kissed - just not by someone I was attracted to, so it wasn’t all that pleasant for me.)
You missed many wonderful things, IMO. It’s not too late, though, if you’re interested in finding out. If you’re not interested, then you’re doing fine.
I know it’s hard for Zebra to know if he’s actually getting follow ups from the same people, but I’m wondering about a few of our previous secret sharers and if they’d like to update us?
Most of all I’m curious and a bit worried about our sharer who intends to kill himself/herself within the next few years. Any new thoughts or perspectives?
Also I’m wondering about/hoping good things for the person who posted in #360 about feeling at the end of their rope. Feeling any better? Got some major issued you’re struggling most with? If you do maybe some people would chime in with similar stories and how they got through it. Sometimes it really does help to feel you’re not alone.
Drunk fake facebook lady, send any more messages to cheating spouses and/or their mates? Easing up on the drinking at all?
Hell I’ll even take more mad skillz bragging from Cheater_Man if he want to share some more.
Any more updates from the rest of you?
I’m well into middle age and I just got accepted into Mensa.
Although I have graduate degrees, I never thought I was exceptionally intelligent, especially in comparison to others in my programs. Twenty five years ago when I did my graduate work, I wanted to go to an Ivy League school, but didn’t get accepted. I went to a solid, tier two state university instead. My assumption was I just wasn’t extraordinarily intelligent. I always worked hard, and thought that was why I got as far as I did.
I got into Mensa because they accepted my scores from some standardized tests in the late 80s. I was actually surprised to qualify - I filed the test scores away years ago and just came across them a few weeks ago.
I’ve only told my wife. Bless her, her comment was “I’m not surprised”! Otherwise, it doesn’t seem proper to mention it to anyone else because it seems like bragging.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing what it’s like. (It certainly has gotten mixed reviews here on the Dope.) And I’m trying to not feel too much of an underachiever. 
Not that exciting a secret in comparison to others in this thread, but a secret nonetheless!