To the poster above:
At least it’s a nicer secret than some I’ve read in this thread.
Boy, when you stealth brag, you really bring the stealth!
Has everyone been cleansed? No more new secrets in over a week? Don’t let this one die Dopers, come clean to Zebra…
I keep thinking about it, but I just don’t have anything good enough for this thread. Perhaps I can make time to off a few hookers this weekend…
When I was 19 I groped a drunk girl’s breasts. She was not aware of at the time. I told her the next day and apologized, but she laughed it off. I still feel bad about it- I committed sexual assault.
I’m a guy and I’ve been accused of being insensitive to women on the subject of rape. I now know how that feels, sort of. I had a dream last night that terrified me. I was roommates with Jonah Hill and Dolph Lungren in his Ivan Drago physique, only Jonah was Rolf and Dolph was Geoff. After a night out where they got drunk, Geoff made a pass at me. It was both disgusting and horrifying and I somehow distracted him with pizza long enough for me to run and hide out in the bathroom. Somehow, the flimsy lock on the door held firm as he was pounding on it with his fists, trying to get to me and rape me. I was grabbing onto the door knob, crying and pleading that it would hold. Rolf was no help, he kept saying I should just come out and get raped, that it wasn’t so bad. Eventually, Geoff stopped trying to get in and I could hear them having sloppy drunk sex outside the door. I squeezed myself through the bathroom window to escape and then I woke up in tears.
The reason why I wanted to share this was because it was both interesting and I hope to show others now that just the potential of being raped was so terrifying that we shouldn’t ever make light of it. It has the benefit of being a dream so it wasn’t real and I can laugh about it now, but I literally was crying and my heart was pounding as I woke up. I never want to feel that way again. I decided to put this in the Secret Thread because it is embarrassing and emasculating, especially for a guy and especially for this subject, to be so affected by a dream.
Strictly speaking, we commit sexual assault every time we have sex with an inebriated person. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Interesting seeing these two together with the same theme. I wonder if people are thinking about rape and sexual assault more than they did in the past, lately.
Is it Rape Month?
It’s always rape month.
I’m starting to Really Not Like the Discovery Channel. 
an update
I’ve decided to give it until January 1st. I have four months to make something happen. If I’m still feeling and living like this on the first day of 2014, I will just do like many, many others and disappear into the Bay.
[Real Zebra] I’ve been there and done that. Seek help. Go on meds for a while. It’s not that bad. [/Real Zebra]
So that’s your plan if the depression doesn’t lift.
What’s your plan to try to get the depression to lift- hope, wait and see, medical help?
What’s your plan between now and Jan 1?
My husband is considering a divorce and I’m not sure what to do.
I am an alcoholic. I’ve relapsed three times over the past four-ish years since I first became sober.
I am in a situation now where I am away from home for three weeks. It is also a situation where there is social pressure to drink. I gave in and had a few drinks the other night. It resulted in my sleeping with another man (more on that later). I had a private conversation with a friend about this individual last night (I didn’t say anything about the sex, but alluded to a ‘sexual tension’ between us), and through a series of events, my husband found out about this apparent crush (he went in to my Facebook and read my private messages because he suspected something - rightly so). I ended up admitting to having a couple of drinks the other night (but not the cheating). He subsequently told me he is thinking about a divorce as this is the fourth relapse now and he can’t handle it (I did not get wasted, but I should not drink at all, ever, as I have proved in the past that I can not moderate my drinking and I obviously make poor decisions no matter the volume of alcohol I drink).
Here’s the thing. I don’t know if we should continue on and maybe we should go our separate ways. I love him so, so much, but I think I want different things then he does. At the same time, those differences can be dealt with using compromise for the most part. At times I feel like I want to be on my own, only accountable to myself, but most of the time, especially when I am with my husband during good times, I want to spend my life with him. He is my soul mate. I don’t know what I want right now and it’s tearing me apart.
Here’s the other thing. I’ve cheated on him multiple times. This is not a one time thing. I don’t know why and I don’t seem to be able to stop. I would never, ever tell him, but it is certainly not fair to him. I feel like I should go through with the divorce for this fact only. I am a horrible person and I don’t feel like I deserve a loving relationship with him. He also certainly doesn’t deserve a wife like me.
Writing this out reinforces what a horrible person I am. Why am I like this? I’m really am a good person. What’s wrong with me?
Divorce.
Yeah. If you love him, give him a shot at a happy life with a healthy relationship.
Really? That’s the drink that made that decision, not you? :dubious:
I agree that you’re probably a good person. If the worst things about you are that you can’t control your drinking, and you cheat on your husband frequently, but feel bad about them, I agree.
The hard truth, as I see it, is your best bet is to be honest. If you tell people you can’t control yourself when drinking, there won’t be social pressure. I bet you find that there’s not much pressure, really, anyway. If you order a coke instead, I bet you’d be surprised at how few people care.
If you tell your husband you’ve cheated on him, you can let him divorce you. It’ll be scary as shit, but he really deserves to have it be *his *decision.
At the very least, separate for a little while and see which way you drift. If you keep drifting further apart, divorce. If you find yourself drifting back together (which is unlikely but not impossible) then the marriage might last. But whatever happens, it needs to come from a place of honesty. Tell him the truth. He deserves it, and you need to say it.
And it’s not about what you are (“a horrible person” according to you) but what you do. Stop thinking about the labels and try to figure out why you do what you do. Perhaps this marriage is over, but there will be other relationships. Try to save the next one now.
Sorry, you don’t get to join this club yet. Occasionally, someone will post a poll like “How old is too old to still be a virgin?” Anywhere in your 20s isn’t a deal breaker. 30s is where it gets ugly. 40s is past the expiration date.
I’m in the same boat, with a few years on you. I’m almost at a point where I’d like to find someone like you to, you know, kill two birds with one stone, if you know what I mean. But I’ve almost accepted my fate. I’ve got eight years to fix my self esteem and depression issues, and I just don’t think I’m going to make it.
You have time, don’t waste it like I’m doing.
[real zebra] Alcoholic woman you’re not a horrible person. You have a problem. My wife had affairs on me. That really didn’t bother me. I didn’t like it. I wanted her to stop. She did stop, really but she could never forgive herself. So she left. I didn’t want her to leave. I don’t know if your husband would be the same way but ultimately you need to face your drinking problem. Then see what happens. But don’t assume that he wants you gone or would be better off without you. You might be wrong. [/real zebra]