zebra could you come up with a way to submit stuff that doesn’t have it happening through PM? I did start writing things out but then thought better of it!
Check out this bit from post #11, Simple Linctus.
Zedbra, might I suggest putting the secrets in
[quote]
tags rather than your own comments in [zedbra] tags?
Thanks Alan,
Now I just have to wait an {{unspecified period of time}} to send it 
I hope the person who posted this knows that there is a name for this condition: Vaginismus.
I hope that you do bring it up with your doctors. This is not all that unusual, and anyone who is knowledgeable about women’s health has probably dealt with this before.
*When I was 11, my friend’s dad woke me up by crawling into bed with me and he started masturbating. I pretended to be asleep but knew full fucking well what that bastard was doing. After he was done he got up and I saw my first glimpse of pubic hair. I never knew untill that moment that some people grow pubes the same color as their head hair.
His family, and myself, are redheaded. I have since age 13, when I started growing my own, pulled out every hair from my crotch because they reminded me of him. Pulled, not shaved. Self punishment of some sort, I am guessing. *
Every day of my life, I spend the majority of the day living inside my own head trying to deal with feelings of hate, resentment, bitterness and shame I feel because of problems I faced over a decade ago. I know I am wasting my life, and I know living this way is pathetic but I don’t know how to stop the destructive cycle. I have guilt over people I hurt, and anger of people who hurt me. I’ve been told if I embrace the pain rather than hide from it by burying it under pride and anger, the rumination will stop but so far it has not. I sometimes go days without having a real conversation with another person.
40ish male who has been married for 22 years. My wife was my first sexual partner, and only sexual partner for 14 years of marriage. She had sexual partners before we married. Since being married she has cheated on me twice.
When I discovered the 2nd one, I happened to be heading to Toronto for a business trip the next week. Toronto has legalized prostitution, and some very high-end “talent” available. During my 4 day trip there, I enjoyed the company of a different “professional” each night. I was able to indulge in some fantasies/desires.
I feel like I got it out of my system, and it actually changed the way I dealt with what was going on in with my marriage. This was 8 years ago, and we have worked things out and are still together, and, in all honesty, stronger than ever.
Yes, my wife knows about my Toronto activities.
[Zebra]
Let me explain my process.
When you send me a pm…
I get an email notification in my personal email inbox.
I delete that without opening it.
I come here and get the notification of a new PM.
I open that in a second browser and read it.
I’m not posting any more joke messages. (so don’t include the words, leaffan, shower or pee)
I make sure there isn’t something that might give away a poster.
I copy and paste the message and then delete it.
I remember a few of the names who have sent me their secret, but I honestly can not match names to posts. I just don’t remember.
I did reject one that was basically anonymously pitting other posters. Basically it was their secret feelings about other posters but I didn’t think that was right to post.
I have received some anonymous emails at my home address as well. There is actually a service for that called something like secret email or something. Others have just created an account and sent me the message.
I have posted one, maybe two, secrets of my own.
and LURKER?!?!? I’m a LURKER! Look, I may not be the most famous doper but without me the SDMB would not have 18"DHIBJD as a catch phrase. Yes, that is MINE! I pretty stay out of GD but I am no Lurker.
This is the first time in my life that I am actually content. Things aren’t perfect: ups and downs, stressful days and all that. But the absolute, utter self-loathing has not reared its ugly head in quite a while.
I’m terrified something major is going to come along and make my life hell.
Lurker comment withdrawn. I’m sorry about that.
I thought this would be an entertaining thread, but it’s pretty depressing… 
No secrets involving tutus and feather boas??
I throw away shitty presents from people, and pretend I still have them if they ask about it later. One time I got a keyboard from my mom for Christmas, but it was a really cheap model and didn’t have weighted keys. So I hated it and never used it. I couldn’t throw it away because she visited too often, but I wanted to. Eventually, a family member of ours had a desire for a piano but couldn’t afford one, and I was able to give away the keyboard with my mom’s blessing. Thank god, because otherwise that piece of junk would still be gathering dust under my bed.
But at the same time, I feel so guilty for not liking the keyboard in the first place, because I know she spent a lot of money on it (for her). This honestly makes me feel like a terrible person, and I could never ever tell her about it.
In the first month after I got my drivers license, I lightly bumped into a brick retaining wall while backing out of a parking space. I was too scared to stop, and there was nobody around, so I just put it in drive and kept going. I know I should have stopped, even though there probably wasn’t any damage to the wall. I just had a small brick-colored scrape on my bumper that washed off in the rain. But for months afterward, I had nightmares of the police coming to my door to charge me for a hit-and-run.
I pick my nose all the time when I’m alone, and I think anyone who says they don’t is a total liar. It’s one of those things that everyone does but says they don’t, like masturbating in high school. Except unlike masturbation, nose-picking never becomes socially acceptable.
So fuck it, I pick my nose. If you’re reading this, I know you pick yours too. Who would waste a perfectly good kleenex when your hand is right there? Why can’t we all just stop lying about this? At the same time, I know nose-picking is the dumbest thing on EARTH to worry about.
My first-ever high school boyfriend cheated on his first-ever girlfriend to be with me. I pretty much intentionally seduced him away from her. I didn’t know or care about her at all, but I know she got hurt by that. It’s the only time in my life that I was a homewrecker. I chalk it up to youthful irresponsibility, but I think I should feel worse about it than I do. We were both young and stupid and impulsive, so it’s easy to justify in retrospect. I’m not proud of it, but I just don’t feel bad about it.
I am a straight guy aroused by naked men in the presence of clothed women and I’m scared that it’s just away of convincing myself that I’m not gay….
I’m a male with body image issues. I don’t know where to look for help, or even who to tell; every time I look for information, it’s for teens or women, as if they’re the only subset that gets this. Somehow as an adult male I’m supposed to either be immune or not care, and I’m neither. It’s tearing me up.
[zebra] I think most of these posters would like some comments. Like “There, there” or advice. I can’t do that because they sent them to me. (although now I can only remember a few of them) Just quote and address them as zebra. They are my secrets now.[/Zebra]
Well I’d like to know more about the wife rapist, if he’s willing to share. How does she feel about it? How does he feel about it? How has has it affected their relationship? Has he ever raped anyone else?
Interesting
BACKGROUND:
Conditions once considered bad habits are now recognized as psychiatric disorders (trichotillomania, onychopagia). We hypothesized that nose picking is another such “habit,” a common benign practice in most adults but a time-consuming, socially compromising, or physically harmful condition (rhinotillexomania) in some.
METHODS:
We developed the Rhinotillexomania Questionnaire, mailed it to 1000 randomly selected adult residents of Dane County, Wisconsin, and requested anonymous responses. The returned questionnaires were analyzed according to age, sex, marital status, living arrangement, and educational level. Nose picking was characterized according to time involved, level of distress, location, attitudes toward self and others regarding the practice, technique, methods of disposal, reasons, complications, and associated habits and psychiatric disorders.
RESULTS:
Two hundred fifty-four subjects responded. Ninety-one percent were current nose pickers although only 75% felt “almost everyone does it”; 1.2% picked at least every hour. For 2 subjects (0.8%), nose picking caused moderate to marked interferences with daily functioning. Two subjects spent between 15 and 30 minutes and 1 over 2 hours a day picking their nose. For 2 others, perforation of the nasal septum was a complication. Associated “habits” included picking cuticles (25%), picking at skin (20%), biting fingernails (18%), and pulling out hair (6%).
I know my mother cheated on my dad in the 1980s. I know it was a brief affair, probably only about one semester. But she was happy then, dammit, and my dad was really miserable company at that time. I rooted (privately) for her to leave him. I would have been around 15 and my brother around 11 at the time, it would have been ok.
But she dumped the other guy, and my parents are still married. They seem a lot happier now, in their retirement, and are best of friends. I just hope married life has been worth it for mom. I feel guilty too, if she stayed with Dad for my brother and I. Nobody knows about this, and I wouldn’t have except I picked up the phone extention once when I shouldn’t have. Mom doesn’t know I know either.
Far more likely, this is just an extremely mild submission thing where the woman, clothed, has the power, and the man, because he’s naked, does not.
When I was teaching, I became very attracted to an incredible young man. He was 14 and I was 40. When he was 16, we very nearly began an affair. We met secretly several times and kissed, but no further. He was very bold, and would come up to me in class or in the halls and kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loved me. I know I made the right decision not to have sex with him, but I still think about him.
When I was a little girl, like 5 or 6, I was with my parents at a country general-store-type place. In the store was a big open burlap bag of pinto beans. I took one because I didn’t really know about stealing.
My parents found out about 20 miles away from the store, after we had left. They drove all the way back, and made me give the pinto bean back to the owners, and apologize.
About a month ago, I was in a Mexican store with my little neice, who’s about the same age I was. After we left the store, she showed me a pinto bean she had taken from a big open bin in the store.
I didn’t do anything. Well, I said something vague about not taking things. But I was damned if I was gonna traumatize her over a single fucking pinto bean.
When I was in graduate school, I was caught cheating on an exam. I came very close to being expelled. If I had been, my life would have turned out very differently. Somehow I convinced them to give me a second chance, which I took full advantage of. I ended up completely my degree, and then went on to have a fulfilling career an a loving family.
Absolutely no one I am in touch with nowadays knows about this.
I’ve been nominated for two Nobel Peace Prizes, plus I’m the one who pulled the trigger on bin Laden.
EDIT: Oh damn, I was supposed to PM this secretly and not post it myself?