The man I’ve known as my father for over 3 decades probably isn’t my biological dad. My mother, unhappy and unfulfilled, had a brief affair with a married neighbor around the time I was conceived. I have HIS hair color. No one in my whole family has the same hair color. I know this isn’t proof, but it sticks in my mind.
I never really wanted to have children, but I lack the courage of my convictions. Ergo, I have two kids. I’m not sure if what I feel for them is love or obligation.
Not too secret, quite a few people know.
I recently met my daughter. My 19 year old daughter. She was conceived when I was 20 and in college and screwing around with a married woman and not using protection. All her life she thought that her mom’s jackass husband was her father and hated him. She hasn’t even spoken to him in 7 years. We’ve lived in the same city all these years and never met. Now that we’ve connected, we’ve learned that we have a lot in common and like hanging out together. I’m glad that she knows that her real father’s not a jackass, just an immature cheating creep who’s changed.
FWIW while I didn’t write this, I absolutely could have. I will say this - the fear doesn’t stop, but the longer I’m in a good/content place for me, the easier it is for me to hope that I won’t get knocked back.
I consider myself a rational person. I have never believed in conspiracy theories and have more faith and trust in the U.S. government than most Americans. I am trained as a mathematician and believe very little for which proof does not exist.
And yet… I believe that JFK was killed by Jacqueline Kennedy. I believe she personally pulled the trigger on a small handgun and the footage from the Zapruder film shows this. Despite all the contrary evidence, I cannot disabuse myself of this idea, despite an overwhelming desire to because I know everyone would think I’m nuts if I expressed this belief publicly.
I know who wrote at least one of those posts and I hope it works out for them. 
It is difficult, knowing and having met Zebra.
When I was much younger I backed my car into another car. There was no way I could have paid the insurance hike or pay for the damage, and it was right before I was moving, so I just drove away. This other guy saw me, and told me to drive away, and as far as I know, he never told.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that my car was far more damaged than his. I drove that POS for years as a sort of self-inflicted punishment before a family member took pity on me and replaced it.
I spread rumors about three people at my work. Two of them have been fired or quit, and the third is shunned, and on the way out. I did this in order to avoid scrutiny for a major mistake I made that I should have been fired for.
It worked, and almost everyone likes me and thinks I am competent. I can’t figure out how I got away with it.
If it’s me… Let me put you at rest. Things have worked out okay, at at least for the time being. Who knows what will happen going forward.
P.S. One of Zebra’s secrets above, is mine…
I can’t speak for Anaamika, but I, for one, am relieved that you are no longer feeling burdened by your nose picking. 
I just want to say, I do NOT pick my nose. That’s what tissues are for. I hate snot and think it’s disgusting.
Haven’t submitted a secret, but love the thread Zebra.
I truly wish we had an anonymous advice/confession forum. There should be a simple way to keep trolls out like have posters ask a mod to post there, and if the poster is known and no troll, they could get a password to the forum. Or, a very stable mod could field requests and somehow allow a sock name for just that forum.
Yeah! Me too! Filthy nosepickers. Hate 'em so much.
Yep.
I have a pretty great life - wife, house, job, car, money - but I feel trapped by it. I accidentally found out that my wife was a total slut before we met - I’m talking upwards of a hundred guys - and it makes me feel incredibly insecure. Until she met me, she’d never had a relationship that lasted longer than a year. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time, and I seethe inside every time we run into somebody she used to bone. I don’t know whether to feel like the total chump who married the town bike or the winner who finally locked her down. It would almost be a relief to catch her cheating on me.
I’ve been married a long time and I intensely dislike my husband. He’s got an addictive personality and I’m sick of the smoking and drinking and credit card abuse and lying and cover-ups. I want to divorce him, but even more than I dislike him, I dislike the idea of moving from our comfortable home into a tiny noisy expensive apartment. I’ve wanted to post this on the board but knew I’d get abuse from everyone for being too cowardly to go ahead with a divorce.
The problem’s with you, not your wife. If you love her, what difference does it make who she slept with before you were married? Out of all those guys, you were the one she chose to keep. Just talk to her about this, with a marriage counselor or pastor if you like. Simply “waiting” for her to cheat on you is bound to drive a wedge between you and, whether she ends up cheating on you or not, makes it inevitable that she’ll want to be with someone else. Talking about her as “the town bike” and marrying her making you either a “chump” or “locking her down” is extremely misogynistic. Frankly, it sounds like you don’t want to be married, at least to her, and aren’t ready for the kind of adult relationship a marriage requires. If that’s the case, you need to admit that to yourself instead of blaming her in advance for screwing up the marriage and then hoping she does so your blame is justified.
For most of these secrets, where the people haven’t really hurt anybody else, I just want to say to the person, “cut yourself some slack. Life is hard, and you’re doing the best that you can.”
Or that (not Plato, I know) quote: “Be kind - everyone you meet is fighting a huge battle.”
If you have kids then you need to put their well being first, but if you don’t then it’s not like you “owe” it to anyone to get a divorce. If, all things considered, you’d rather be married to someone you dislike than get divorced and live on your own, that’s your decision and you aren’t doing anything wrong by making it. OTOH, like the guy above, I’d caution you that staying in a marriage you hate without doing anything to fix it isn’t likely to result in a better relationship than you have now, and is very likely to drive the other person away. He may be the one to decide that he wants a divorce. Of course, you know him and the situation, and maybe he’s–well, if not happy (which seems unlikely given your description of him)–at least satisfied that he’s better of with someone who will put up with his problems. Either way, there’s no right or wrong answer, just the one you choose, and only you and he (and any kids) have to live with the consequences.
BTW, I’m not married and don’t know jack shit about relationships! I just assume that, like Zebra said, anyone posting anonymously to a “secrets” thread must want any responses they can get. At least you know I’m not reading my own relationship issues into yours. And hell, I’m at least as qualified as any Catholic priest to dispense marriage advice!
The true ill, of staying in a dead marriage, is what it does to your spirit and mental health. One should never, ever, underestimate the value of mental stability. It is perilous to do so. Codependents are created slowly, over time, until it’s the only dance they can do anymore.
The other issue is; Whether you can see it or not, you are in the process of, turning yourself into, a person who believes they do not, ‘deserve’, happiness. It may not feel like it now, or yet. That’s the slippery slope. Tread cautiously.
(Also, I’ll apologize, you most likely didn’t want advice!)
I have a family member (I’ll call her “Janice”) who has been involved in an organization in Little Rock, Arkansas, called “The Group.” Sounds sinister, doesn’t it! I used to think it was a cult, and still kind of do, though they seem to have relaxed their control over their members quite a bit over the last several years. It’s a commune type of thing, not a religion, but the founder, Dixon, before he died a few years ago, made all of the decisions, and Janice used to say things like, “He’s never let anyone down!” and other things that seemed to indicate an unhealthy level of devotion (though maybe it was just defensiveness against our family’s criticism). Janice also made a big deal about everything The Group did being secret and not getting angry about any questions we asked (though again, she’s more open and candid now, but I still don’t feel comfortable asking her directly about any of this). I’ve often wanted to post something about it, but I didn’t want Janice to see it and recognize me.
Janice got involved in The Group many years ago when she was quite young. She has her own family now (within the Group) and seems much happier than she used to, so it definitely hasn’t been a terrible thing for her. Her husband is extremely nice and has encouraged a positive bond with the rest of us, so again, maybe it wasn’t The Group that was trying to cut her off from outside support, as we once thought, but just her own way of rebelling from her parents. OTOH, they definitely seem to have shifted direction to allowing members more autonomy and really did seem pretty creepy at one time. Janice was one of a number people about her age who got involved as children despite not having parents there. We once found a newsletter of The Group while visiting there that talked about these children and the “success” they’d had rescuing them from families, whose big crime as far as we could tell was not being The Group, and therefore not being as loving or supportive as The Group was.
I’ve met quite a few people in Arkansas over the years who’ve had contact with The Group, but no one in our family has ever really gotten an outsider’s (or an insider’s) perspective to compare to our own perspective of having someone from our family more or less “stollen” by them (as it seemed at the time). I’d very much welcome any comments from anyone who has experience with The Group. Like I said, Janice is older now and seems happy and well adjusted, so I’m not looking for advice on “deconverting” her or anything like that. We have a fairly close relationship (and she’s much closer with other family members), and I’m not worried about her, but I’m very curious about how my family’s experiences compare to others’, and whether my impression of them as having once been more controlling and secretive and cult-like are accurate or only reflect the information we got from Janice while she was working through her own issues with our family.
Forward Message
[zebra] please disregard the “not”. It is not supposed to be there. I thought that didn’t make sense. [/zebra]