I’m comfortable taking that chance.
Good point, everybody knows gay marriage issues aren’t comparable to straight marriage issues. You’re definitely justified in nitpicking the part of my post that is least relevant to the issue at hand.
This is the assumption I’ve been going under.
[QUOTE=Rachellelogram]
Good point, everybody knows gay marriage issues aren’t comparable to straight marriage issues. You’re definitely justified in nitpicking the part of my post that is least relevant to the issue at hand.
[/QUOTE]
What? In what goddam universe did what I said amount to even implying that gay marriage and straight marriage are not the exact same thing? What on earth did you read? I’m honestly fascinated: what exactly are you replying to? What did you think I meant?
For the record: this is a secret thread. People are anonymous. I was amused that people were assuming facts about a posters identity, when those facts were not, in fact, in evidence. But now I’m an anti-gay asshole. Wonderful. Share the pot next time, 'kay?
I masturbate at work at least two times a week. I’m not a pervert I do
do it in the bathrrom stall and not at my desk.
My wife is a total dead fish in bed. We do it regularly, and she gets of regularly, but she never initiates or wants to try any of the slightly less than vanilla things that really get me off. Whenever I mention wanting to get a bit kinkier, she laughs, rolls her eyes, and implies that I’m some kind of pervert.
Lately, it’s been doing a number on my self confidence and sense of attractiveness, and I’ve found myself emotionally detaching from her to some small extent. I’m worried that our relationship will go down the path of my first marriage - me lonely, frustrated, and unsatisfied, and her completely content with the status quo with no sense that anything needs to change.
I’ve found myself thinking more about some of my wilder exploits in my single days with perhaps more fondness than I should. And I’ve been letting my gaze linger on other women (or outright fantasizing about boning coworkers) way more than I should.
Shit. I need to fix this.
[Zebra] since this was revived I went back and looked and I have no idea who sent me these. Really. I delete them as soon as I post them. I know some were sent by dopers who I’ve actually met in real life but I can’t remember now which is by whom. In other words, two can keep a secret if one of them is Zebra[/Zebra]
Did you never show your wife your kinky side before deciding to marry her? Because if not, your shitty sex life is ALL on you. But if she used to be into it and now she’s not, that’s on her.
Harsh.
Maybe their “shitty” sex life is “on” both or neither of them. People’s desires change over time, so even if he developed this kink later, or she liked it before, it doesn’t mean they’ve done something wrong. They both can find a way to have a satisfying sex life if they work together. Him feeling justified blaming her (if he had introduced ut earlier) or blaming himself if he hadn’t helps no one.
I fucking LOVE this thread.
He has nostalgia for the kinky exploits of his early single days. If he wanted those exploits to continue, he shouldn’t have married a woman who wasn’t into them.
I am always afraid.
Always.
another update
Poster from #64/78
Divorce papers will be filled as soon as the lawyer fees are paid. Neither one of us is upset about this at all. No arguing, no hard feelings, a little residual sadness about walking away from 20 years together, but a mutual understanding that this is the best for everyone involved.
I don’t think I love my husband any more.
About 5 years or so ago, he did something I asked him not to (nothing illegal, immoral or divorce-worthy, just something I really didn’t want him to do on ethical grounds) and then hid it from me. Of course I found out about it. I was furious about the lying/hiding and I have not felt the same way about him since.
The really bad part is that he has done everything in his power to make it up to me. And it hasn’t changed how I feel at all.
If I were to leave him, everyone I know would think I am batshit crazy, and he would be very hurt because I know he loves me.
This sucks.
Gotta admit, I’m really curious as to what he did.
UPDATE
I am the poster from post 65, who was contacted by the daughter that she put up for adoption in the late 80’s. We have met several times and speak on the phone regularly now. I can’t stand her. She has most of the qualities that I abhor in someone. I wish I’d never met her, or just met her the once and quit then. I stay in contact with her because she loves me and really wants a relationship with me, but I’m finding it harder and harder to fake it. She is beautiful, so I take some consolation in that at least she’s not ugly on the outside. I’m just hoping that she changes for the better as she gets older and matures.
That’s a bummer. What qualities?
And I almost think you should maybe just tell her all of that. Almost.
She is a loud-mouthed, know-it-all, talks too much, drama queen, attention whore that is lazy, irresponsible, smokes, drinks too much, and has anger and entitlement issues. She’s basically a very spoiled brat. She’s not very bright and is kind of low-class. I will never tell her how I feel about her or break it off with her because I feel like I owe her and I don’t want to damage her any more than she already is.
(Bolding mine) Obviously not enough detail to know if this will work in your situation, but maybe try making it about her? Maybe theres something different that she would like to try and that could open up the flood gates 
I work with a lot of Veterans and some of them are so prejudiced and spew hateful views about non-whites. The thing is my mother is a non-white immigrant woman (my father is a Anglo-American) and I hide that part of my background from a large percentage of my coworkers. I once told a client that my mother was of XYZ country and then the client then ranted about how horrible, violent, and poor people from that country. All of this in front of his seven year old son. 