I’m pretty sure we’ve had recent threads about males feeling conflicted* in offering emergency assistance to female strangers, lost children, etc - which is what I was talking about.
*ETA: I mean conflicted between the obvious risk of not helping, and the perceived risk of being misunderstood if you do help.
It sounds to me like this author is trying to justify his asshole behavior by demonizing “nice”.
“I may be called a jerk now and then but at least I’m not a pervert like those nice guys!”
And why is pedophilia now the only “dark” secret? Maybe the nice guys just want to tie you up? Or get spanked? Or want to pee on you? Or wants to pretend she’s his sister? Or maybe have a necro sex? Or just wants to watch you masturbate?
Things that aren’t illegal but not “normal”.
Unfortunately profiling isn’t limited to gender. Everything from style of clothing to the color of one’s skin can arouse suspicion, and it isn’t the fault of defensive women. It’s unfortunate when someone is insulted by guarded behavior or feels the need to inconvenience himself by crossing the street to avoid spooking the jogger or the photographer who feels bummed out that he’s missing a great shot of joyful kids playing, but these aren’t strictly male problems.
I could no more get away with photographing the children of strangers or shopping in a high end store wearing pjs and missed hair than you could.
*mussed hair
Definitely true in my case.
I’m one of the nicest guys you’ll meet.
This is one of the best posts ever, anywhere!
Back To The OP
So a guy who already thinks badly of Nice Guys finds some stuff to confirm it and then makes broad generalizations and publishes a book? Yawn.
Indeed, perhaps Slithy Tove ought to write a treatise on Calvanistic Pussy to console all the Nice Guys out there.
The author would agree that those “covert contracts” are actually inaccurate.
Besides the two other books/materials I mentioned:
“No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice - Instead of Good - Hurts Men, Women And Children”
“Overcoming the Nice Guy Syndrome: How to Stop Being Shy Without Becoming A Jerk”
There’s also “Without Embarrassment” - it talks about “toxic shame” - e.g. feeling too ashamed/embarrassed to flirt with a girl, etc. I felt like that.
No More Mr Nice Guy also mentions toxic shame:
Like I just mentioned I’m aware of a few books/materials that say similar things. Also his messageboard has 430,000+ posts, he runs lots of workshops, he trains coaches/therapists… also it isn’t just about saying how bad it is… the full title is “A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want In Love, Sex and Life”.
Also he gives dating advice:
Why should we no longer be allowed to enjoy each other’s company just because she doesn’t want to be my paramour? That’s an awfully cruel way of looking at the world. Sure, being with her may be slightly awkward since I wish she would like me, but I don’t see what it has to do with my “self-esteem”. She hasn’t done anything wrong by rejecting me, so I have no reason to punish her.
If you think depriving a woman of your mere presence is punishment, your self-esteem isn’t as low as you think.
Well, you see I already wrote that women’s self-help treatise titled Galvanized Pussy, so one with Calvinism in the title would confuse the readership or, worse: mislead them that Bill Watterson had come out of retirement; and weirdly.
And anyway, social junk science is a mug’s game. Nobody wants to read a book when they can just pop a pill. The real money is in coming up with a pharmaceutical that cures each newly-excoriated personality trait.
I’m talking about the specific case of women who are friends with me, not women in general.
No, now I’m into something…darker…
I’m a super nice guy with deep dark sexual secrets. But my boyfriend is even nicer than me. Should I be worried???
Bah, but stringing half-baked cliches and solipsisms into a book has to be a lot easier than actual research and testing. Unless of course you jump onto the homeopathy bandwagon…