The nicer the guy, the darker the sexual secrets?

From Dr Robert Glover’s book “No More Mr Nice Guy”:

What do people think?

This is basically defining “nice” as “needy”. While I don’t disagree that there is a lot of overlap between the two, I don’t think they are one and they same. I wouldn’t define “nice” as being dependent on external approval; I’d define “nice” as being passive aggressive (in the context it’s being used).

The author calls it “Nice Guy Syndrome”

Nicer… how? In the actual being a gentleman way? Or the whiny entitled internet way?

That’s only nice in the creepy internet way, like “Why won’t the girls who are a 10 fuck me?! I’m a nice guy! Sure I don’t have a job, I dress like a slob, and I’m at best a 5, but I’M A NICE GUY!”

Nicer in a “Nice Guy Syndrome” way…

He means a bit different person:

About married men:

About single men:

As quoted, his conclusion doesn’t follow from the premise. I could see that someone who seeks external approval might be more likely to hide anything about himself that he thinks is abnormal but I don’t see how it follows that his abnormalities would be more extreme (darker).

On the other hand the married and single men he has described are basically arseholes, they are being “nice” because they think they will get something in return. Another word for that is “manipulative”. I could see how manipulative arseholes who somehow conceive of themselves as being “nice” could have darker than usual secrets.

His evidence is “I find this to be consistently true” - he does a lot of counselling with men - these days with “recovering nice guys”.

SO we can’t just enjoy being nice any more. Great. Can’t help strangers for fear of being considerd a rapist, can’t work with kids for fear of paedo accusations and now… can’t be nice, because it means you’re a pervert. Just great.

It’s just that “No More Mr NICE Guy” is a snappy title… and it’s just a minority, like the author, who suspect dark sexual secrets behind nice guys…

“No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice - Instead of Good - Hurts Men, Women And Children”

I don’t know, this is a pretty skeezy version of “Nice Guy,” especially the single guy version. How is a guy that thinks you owe him sex because he bought a couple of drinks a jerk, and a guy that thinks you owe him sex because he listened to your problems a nice guy? Both have a sleazy agenda. Hell, the guy at the bar might be more appealing, as he’s honest.

BTW remember all of the sexual child abuse from church leaders… they would generally be from “nice guys” - and there would be a lot of others guilty of doing sexual things that didn’t involve sexually abusing people

Who would’ve thought that people who go to a self-described “nice guy counselor” for therapy regarding sexual issues would end up being nice guys with sexual issues. Not exactly a random sample there.

They weren’t the Internet Meme “Nice Guys” who are being spoken of here. In fact I’d call them authority figures, not any variety of “nice guys”.

Surely someone who’s “worked with thousands of Nice Guys” would know a lot about the topic.

As far as the topic’s title goes, he would know about the severity of the syndrome vs their sexual secrets…

He knows a lot about nice guys perhaps, but you can’t make a statement of comparison such as “nice guys have darker sexual secrets” unless you also know a lot about the people on the other side of the comparison.

I think he means that amongst nice guys, the “nicer” ones have darker sexual secrets. Also I suspect that the non-nice guys would often have their behaviour out in the open - e.g. they might be abusing their wife, hang around strip clubs, have porn lying around everywhere, etc.

I think there could be a fallacy of induction at play here. If pervs tend to present as nice, it doesn’t necessarily mean nice guys are pervs.

The author is talking about his experience with thousands of “nice guys”. He wouldn’t have much experience with “pervs” in general. Perhaps a jail’s counselor would be more knowledgeable. BTW I think a lot of “pervs” wouldn’t feel bad about their sexuality… i.e. they wouldn’t keep it a big secret… guys who objectify women in public could be considered pervs.