A post by @burpo_the_wonder_mutt in another thread - link - gave me the notion of a fortune teller who, rather than relay positive, encouraging predictions, did the opposite. Could be a fun attraction in a carnival setting.
So, share a prediction or three that such a medium could offer.
A misfortune teller.
'I’m sorry, sir. You don’t have a future."
ICE is waiting outside for you.
I like it. I should have clarified in the OP that these should be light-hearted (mis)fortunes.
mmm
(Mr.Mustard, I am happy to be an inspiration.)
BIP:
(Examining sucker’s client’s life line) : You…will have…a huge scar…RIGHT HERE! (Jabs palm with long, sharp, raggedy fingernail and disappears in a cloud of smoke, cackling.)
The worst things you can imagine happening will happen, simply because you imagined them.
The most energetic neutrino ever measured will pass through you after being detected by the IceCube detector.
I see a tall man dressed in dark blue. He’s studying your car intensely. He takes out a pad. He’s writing you a parking ticket.
Before I tell you your fortune, I must insist on being paid in cash now. Right now.
Your brand new white T-shirt will be covered with ketchup by the time you leave the carnival.
I used to work with s couple of ladies who were really into this stuff. They would attend conventions and all the above. I joked with them that I should get in on the fortune teller gravy train but needed an angle. We came up with a “fecal reader”. I would give you a reading based off of a supplied stool sample.
“Your love life……. STINKS!”
“Your financial outlook is…… SHIT!”
The old standard - “You will never amount to anything”.
I see a tall dark stranger. He will appear before you at Al’s Tire and Service Center. He will tell you the treads on your car tires are worn away and you need new tires at a cost of $800.
Everything you count will be off by one, but you don’t know in which direction…
You will go on a long journey.
A long, tedious journey.
A long, tedious journey in a seat with poor lumbar support.
A long, tedious journey in a seat with poor lumbar support, the back of which is being relentlessly kicked by a bored five-year old.
On arrival, it will become apparent that the 90 minute meeting you are there to attend could very easily have been an email.
The journey back will be worse.
Do you perchance recall The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao? The blind fortune teller who told you the absolute truth about your future, no matter how dark?
Also, I’ve wondered if any gag gift manufacturers put out Misfortune Cookies (“a curse in every cookie!”)
Imagine organizing a fortune tellers convention and no one shows up because they already know what happens.
The convention hall map has a marker labeled “You will be here”.
Fortune teller: I’m ruined! Oh, why didn’t I see this coming?
“Penn will beat me if I talk!”
You will live for the remainder of your life.
How about Cordwainer Smiths’s story: Alpha Ralpha Boulevard?