Fair enough. I’m just saying that I, personally, would be turned off by someone who expected me to be able to keep up a level of constant communication, even after having just met them and explained that I am, at that moment, quite busy. From your description, it’s not like she’s dropped off the face of the earth–she’s just not being chatty. And she *has *explicitly told you that she’s still interested but very busy.
But in his defense, it really takes no longer to reply with a full sentence or two than it does with a one word reply. So if she had the time to reply to his text about her weekend, then I would assume if she was interested, she could take the extra 20 seconds and text more than one word. No one is that busy.
Note to self: Find that question and make my answer public.
I love getting defend-ified! That’s kind of what I was thinking.
I got your back!
There was no question about a flogger, if that’s what you’re thinking. A flogger was mentioned in the message I got. If there were a question about a flogger, then it wouldn’t be that hard for you to find. You’d just have to go my profile, look at unanswered questions and browse until you found it. My OkC name’s the same, except without a space, so it wouldn’t be that hard to find my profile either.
I have no idea what the question was or what the reply was, so I can’t comment for sure. All I’m doing is giving my personal insight into how I would feel about the matter. Also, depending on the phone, it can take *much *longer to write a paragraph than a word, and while it’s true that no one is so busy that they can’t *eventually *find the time to write something longer, I can tell you that more than once I myself have made the decision that a short answer *now *is better than a long answer later–especially with a horrible memory like mine.
I had a REALLY good date last night. It was a real winner, and I’m hoping we’ll see more of each other. I’ve gone on quite a few duds, but this one was totally worth it.
For guys out there hoping to show a girl a really nice time, the way he did this date was really classy and just really wowed me. To begin with, he came with a few ideas of place we could go- things that weren’t just “let’s get coffee/dinner/drinks.” He had a few options- a formal dance with a lesson beforehand, a stand-up comedy show, some live theater. This showed that he cared about the date, he wanted me to do something I enjoyed, and he was generally a hip and with it guy with interests who knows what’s going on. Just really impressive.
That’s awesome, sven!
For a YMMV perspective, guys, I wouldn’t be a fan of any of those for an early-in-the-relationship date. I actually *like *going to dinner with someone to first meet them, because for me it reveals a lot of important things: how well we converse, how he treats the waitstaff, what his table manners are like.
I read the last few pages of this thread, and thought I would share my own experiences.
If you have followed my few threads here, there should be no surprise that I have an OKC profile. I use it on and off, mainly because my circle of friends is not very large and I am the type of person who doesn’t chase after and hold on to new relationships.
Ive met up with 2 women from the site, both of which I got along really well with during the meeting and outside of it. The catch - they both were a little deceptive about their descriptions. The first one didnt bother me much, but this one is a little bothersome. Ive stayed up talking to this girl for about 3 hours every night for about a week, have been texting each other a fair bit during the day, and when we met up we met and talked for 3 hours in person and had a pretty good time, especially considering we had nothing to spur the conversation on as we were sitting at a random table in my school in a hallway. There were no awkward moments.
There are 2 problems.
My issue is that although she is very pretty, I dont know if I could date a person of her size… Her photos were a little old I assume, and the others that she sent me before the meet up although they were recent they were …quite flattering… about her size. She made comments about her size being bigger but followed them up with a picture. The picture didnt seem bad at all. Although in person her chest may have made her look larger, my mind has kind of warped the image at this point.
And then again if she were to lose weight (and I dont consider myself to be jealous) I am worried I might feel jealous. This is mainly because before we met up she said something about another guy at her school from OKCupid who she was meeting up with. I was pretty nervous about it. I didnt go right out and say anything but I let her know I was a bit upset that some random guy got to see her when she couldnt make time for me. She ended up ditching that guy to meet me (maybe she was using that as a way to force a meeting? Though I dont think that would be the case because she was the one who said no to begin with).
Basically I dont know what I want from her at this point… I dont even know what I want by posting this. We havent talked too much since then (1 day, short texts here and there) but that is mainly because I have been busy at school and I assume she has also. I asked to meet up again and she said “next week,” which is fine with me. I think I need to meet her again to decide if I like her in a way other than a possible friend.
So, there are my experiences. Two people who were larger than expected, leaving me a bit confused.
That’s generally my view. Dinner, but an interesting dinner. Not Olive Garden or Outback, but Pizzeria Bianco or a Brazilian steakhouse. A performance like a movie or stand-up seems uncomfortable for a first date; you’re there to focus on the other person, not on entertainment, though at least a good stand-up act gives you an opportunity to laugh together. An interesting restaurant gives you a pleasurable experience while still focusing on your date.
Though a formal dance with a lesson beforehand sounds like a lot of fun.
We did have dinner beforehand at a nice tapas wine bar. The plan we’d agreed to earlier was to go ballroom dancing, so I was really surprised when he had fun back up plans in case I just wasn’t feeling the dancing or just didn’t want to hike out there. The theater was a collaborative participatory theater thing- sounded like a lot of fun. I like this idea of having a few back-up plans, or at least a solid idea of places to move on to if you want to keep hanging out. The whole “walking around town aimlessly looking for a place to be” is a bit of a turn off. Just a tiny bit of research can make you look super suave.
Awww, I’m gushing. There were a lot of nice touches (he rides a motorcycle, and brought along pants and a jacket in case I was wearing a skirt or got cold…and had plenty of non-moto options if I didn’t want to ride) that showed he put some thought in to this and was generally a thoughtful guy.
He paid for dinner and didn’t cheap out- dessert wines and everything. I bought drinks after and it somewhat evened out. But it was a sweet gesture. I work hard and don’t expect a free ride off of anyone, but it’s really a turn off when a guy makes it clear he’s going for bare minimum. My last date before this walked past a number of bars, commenting on each one how he was on a “student budget” (despite being a lawyer) and how he didn’t want to spend a lot of money. I wanted to be like “Look, dude, I’ll just have a glass of tap water if that’s what you are getting at.” That’s just not a way to create a fun atmosphere. Sure, if you are generous there is a non-zero chance that you’ll drop some money on a not-worth-it date. But isn’t that worth the chance of not alienating a nice girl you just met?
Overall, he hit “fun, thoughtful and organized.” It was an absolutely perfect date- almost like one on some blind date TV show.
Since just by posting that (and without even checking the links) I know where you live*, I am going to recommend (if you like Thai Food) both Wild Thaiger and Thai Rama. Both most excellent. And I think Cherry Blossom Noodle Cafe has the best Pad Thai in town, but the ambiance isn’t the best for a first date.
I actually prefer Spinatos for pizza.
*By that I mean which city, not like your street address or anything.
You know, I pass by Thai Rama down in Chandler frequently, since I go by the Fashion Center pretty often, and I keep meaning to stop in to try it. Never have yet, though. Good to hear it’s good.
Bianco didn’t have fantastic pizza (though the spiedini was an extraordinarily welcome surprise), but the experience was more than enjoyable. Granted, I lucked out and got my name on the list before the evening rush, so we only had to wait an hour instead of 3. It probably would have gotten tiresome otherwise.
You and I have very different ideas of what “enjoyable” actually is. I strongly dislike waiting more than 15 minutes to be seated at a restaurant.
So do I, really. I’d rather go to Outback and get seated immediately than wait an hour for Brazilian. At least with Bianco I knew it would be troublesome going in. It’s one thing to show up to a restaurant that doesn’t normally have long waits, or god forbid show up with a reservation, and find out it’s an hour+ wait, but if you know it’s going to be busy you can plan for it.
They own the bar next door, so it was just a matter of putting my name down, then going over and having a few drinks until the maitre d’ came over to get my party. It actually worked out very well; the beer was decent and I was in a good mood when we got to dinner.
It’s not everything it’s made out to be, but as unusual dining experiences go (for Phoenix, anyway), it was pretty good.
I have no problem with moms…but I just ran across a woman on POF who has a 6-week old baby. 6 weeks. Yesterday found one with a 6-month old, ok, whatever. But 6 weeks?
Also, the busy girl texted Friday because she ran into some people with whom I used to work. Unless something comes up, we have plans for Wednesday.
Babies are cool, but they aren’t enough to fulfill your every need. Married mothers have a hard enough time getting social contact beyond “staring at a baby who cannot speak, meaningfully interact, or really do much of anything that people do.” Single mothers must get pretty lonely spending most of their energy on a person who can’t really give much of anything back- I’d start looking forward to a nice dinner with someone grown up, too.
My dating adventures are going really well. I had a policy of “I’ll go on one date with anyone who writes to me,” and that lead to a lot of awkward and not particularly fun dates with guys I didn’t have much attraction to. One, in particular, went really bad when the guy threw a passive-agressive “nice guy” tantrum when I laid it out that while it was fun to get to know him, I wasn’t feeling any physical sparks.
So I refined my strategy and went on the offensive, sending messages to a handful of guys who had interesting profiles and seemed cute. This worked like a charm, and I’ve had a few really, really fun dates with interesting guys. I just had a second date with one, and it went really, really well. I’m trying not to put all of my eggs in one basket, but I’m really enjoying my time with this dude.
And with that, I’m off to my third date of the weekend.
OKay, this is half blowing off steam and half advice solliciting.
Met a guy on OkC about a month ago. We’ve been chatting on Skype, first with text and after that with video. I think he’s smokin’ and he has paid me some nice compliments too and the Skyping has become quite racy.
Now, I’m really quite keen to find out if this works even half as well in real life, so I suggested we meet up. He agreed, saying okay, you tell me when and I’ll get everything ready*. So a few days later I emailed him on Okc giving two possible weekends. He replied very quickly saying one was impossible but the other one “wouldn’t be bad”. So I mailed back saying “alright, expect me that weekend then”.
Now, this email exchange was last Monday and the planned weekend is this weekend coming. And I haven’t heard a peep out of him since. I haven’t mailed either, but it is “his turn”. I would have expected a “great, see you then”, especially since I’d be travelling a fair distance. Now I know he is genuinely busy and that he was away this weekend, but at this point I don’t even know if we have an agreement. I’m quite keen on this plan, but if this isn’t happening then I’d want to be making other plans or dates.
Any help here? I’d particularly like to know if you guys think I should read our email conversation as a date, a “maybe/needs more info” or a “just not that into you”. On the one hand I think some men have this kind of attitude of “all the info has been exchanged, what more needs to be said?” and he has shown some signs of being that type of guy. At the same time, it feels a bit on the non-committal side to me, especially given the travel distance.
Shall I just wait a bit and see if he pops up on Skype/or emails and assume it’s on as agreed? Or should I write to confirm it is still on? Or is this already in the realm of “not that into you, move on”. It doesn’t quite feel like that to me…yet.
*I dunno either. Change the sheets, I guess. Send the housemates away. Bury the dead previous dates…
Pookah, I’d email him with some factual questions about your intenerary. “How do I get from X to your house” " “When would be a good time” etc.
OK, so I’m new to the whole online dating thing and think I have a pretty good profile but would really appreciate some feedback. Thanks, gang 