Hrm. I’ll see what I can do, but it only tends to work under certain circumstances. In general, the worse place I’m in over relationships, the better it works out for others. (Cheat on me while we date? Our friends will introduce you to your TL within six months, and you’ll be married within 2 years. (This is the biggest example))
Can’t find the article now, but I read somewhere that the day after Valentine’s Day is a huge day for women to be active on dating sites. So guys, better tweak 'em tonight and prepare for the flood of e-mails!
If it’s true…you know what they say about things you read on the internet.
On another note, mixed signals suck. That is all.
Sorry about the signals. You’ll get 'em next time. I have faith.
Oh, she’s still hanging in there! It’s a long-ish story, but to boils it down she told me early on that she is not in a hurry. Since I’m in kind of a ‘let things be what they will’ mode of late, her artifically slowing things down can seem like disinterest…but when I consider the totality of the situation, it’s apparent that she is interested, just doing exactly what she told me she is.
And my prediction about V day apparently was a little bit true…received a good e-mail from a new contact on OkC, and got a reply from someone I e-mailed last week.
Overall, things are good…
Things seem to be not working out with the guy I met IRL a few months ago, and over the weekend I reactivated my OKC profile. The guy who messaged me in November – but who I told “I’m not really available right now” – is still active on the site: I think I’ll message him this weekend and see if there’s any chance he might still be interested in that coffee sometime. Here’s hoping that my honesty back then will lead to him at least reading/considering my message now!
Which is why I’m waiting until the weekend. 
Glad things are working out for you, then.
Dipped my toe in the water (where there are PoF) and felt decidedly uncomfortable about the whole thing.
I heard this this morning and I hope so. I sent out four in the last day so far and I’m going to send some more out later. I’m even looking at women who are outside of my height range and further away even though that means going into Virginia where it takes me 30 minutes to get anywhere.
What’s your height range? I know it matters to a lot of women, but it didn’t occurr to me that it would matter as much to guys.
Not that I don’t have my preferences…I do generally avoid messaging women who are 5’1" because of the difference in height. And I’ll always try a search for women over 6’, even though that’s usually not too successful.
I don’t really know, but usually I stay above 5’4" or so, but the last few women have all been 5’1" give or take. Maybe I should look above 6’.
Is there a way to deactivate your profile while not erasing it completely?
I’ve changed my status to “seeing someone” and put the “looking for” as friends/activity partners only, but I would like to have it not viewable to anyone without actually deleting it.
Yep: if you go to your settings page, there’s a box on the bottom right that lets you either disable your account or delete it. If you choose “disable,” your account becomes suspended until the next time you log into the site. All of your info, messages, favorites, etc., are saved.
Brilliant! Thank you 
‘Favorited’ some women on Match last night…instead of searching for someone each time I feel like sending an e-mail, I like to do a good search, use favorite to ‘bookmark’ the ones I might want to message, and then message my favorites as I get the time or inclination.
One that I added as a favorite ‘winked’ at me within 15 minutes. Well great, I sent her an e-mail, and we exchanged a few last night. The last one I sent her last night invited her to coffee this weekend. This morning she sent me an enthusiastic e-mail explaining that Saturday and Sunday morning were out, but Sunday afternoon would work. She gave me her number to text her, so we texted a bit throughout the day and quite a bit in the evening.
So, the creepy part…we had a really good exchange, actually, she’s witty and energetic, we really do have a quit a bit in common. But she told me, maybe 5-6 times throughout the day, that she was checking out my profile again. Ok, it was probably more than that.
The first maybe two times she said it, it was a little bit flattering. But it really did start to feel stalker-ish, to the point it made me a tad uncomfortable and I am considering cancelling…which I don’t want to to, because as I said, we are a pretty good match.
Am I overreacting, and I should just shut up and take the compliment? Or is that a little obsessive?
Edit: If I said the same thing to a woman, I would absolutely expect her feel creeped.
Strike one, Sicks Ate, but you need three strikes to be out. I’d still meet her.
Sounds like she might be forgetful to me?
Just joined OKCupid after the recommendation, and it’s looking promising already. But quite a lot of work to fill out all the essay bits on the profile, plus answer at least 25 questions, eeek!
(and it keeps telling me off for marking things as irrelevant)
That’s what I’d guess as well, but I would also file it away as a tiny pink flag. I know I like to review a guy’s profile a few times before I meet him to refresh my memory for talking points and review the photos so I can hopefully spot him easily. Or if we’d exchanged a few emails or texts/phone calls, I might then go and start comparing questions (which depending on time could take multiple visits), again, to help prepare for the first meeting. Or I might compare questions after a good first meeting. Or show a friend the profile, etc.
There are many reasons to visit a particular profile several times in quick succession. But then I, like you, would fear it would feel stalker-ish, so I would probably set myself to invisible to do so. I don’t think there is anything wrong with doing your homework with 100% public information offered by the person.
That’s the beauty of OKC! You don’t have to fill out all the bits right away. The questions are really what it’s all about, though. The Cupid bot or whatever his name is has a point when he’s chiding you for marking things as irrelevant; the point of the questions is to see how your views match with potential dates!
I like the questions.
Definitely a tiny pink flag, and Invisible Chimp is right, I’ll still meet her.
I will also check out someone’s profile for the same reasons…just a quick refresher before a call or a date, or just to see if I missed anything. Ok, I admit, and sometimes because they have a really great picture. But damned if I’d tell them every time. I may not be creepy, but it sounds creepy.
I have decided tha she was probably doing the normal ‘checking up for a refresher’, and just decided to tell me…she probably did it totally innocently.
So now really looking forward to seeing her Sunday.
But in that case it shouldn’t matter how you mark things; you’ll simply have a higher match percentage with someone who also marks a bunch of things as irrelevant. Right?
(I like the questions, too, but a lot of them really are irrelevant…)
Yay!
It’s more important to agree on the important things than the irrelevant things though. Have you ever seen a person you have high match scores with but low with the subcategories(Sex, Ethics, Religion, Dating, Lifestyle, and Other)? I had a woman I was a 95% match with, but only 37% on Lifestyle, for example. I just learned that means I agree with her on the important stuff, but not the irrelevant stuff. I think it’s best to agree on both though. I’ve found I click better with people I have high subcategory scores with given the same match %. I have it on good authority that they’re going to change how they calculate the subcategories and weight them by importance á la the match % in a week or two.
I’ve marked more questions irrelevant than most people have answered. I’ve answered nearly 3200 total. I checked and nearly 200 are mandatory, 300 very important, and 800 somewhat important. That could mean about 1,000 each for little important and irrelevant.
Well, yeah: by definition, I don’t care if I agree with someone about irrelevant stuff. If I actually do care whether we agree, I shouldn’t have marked it as irrelevant.
I don’t get it…maybe “irrelevant” doesn’t mean what I think it means? 