I don’t know either, but that was the last thing I said and never heard back.
I second Invisible Chimp: you’ll be fine if you just update the existing account – unless, like he said, you want to change your user name.
My current OKC name (nom_de_cupid) is relatively new, but only because my previous name was too close to my Doper name (which I also use elsewhere on the 'net).
Apologies for suggesting that then!
Is it cliched to say it sounds like you’re better off without her then? You don’t want someone you need to walk on eggshells around.
My OKC name is zerkuss. I really hate it because I literally chose the first random thing that came to mind when I set it up several years ago. I’m considering deleting the account and opening a new one, but then would lose my questions and such. Still.
But ugh, I had an extremely good response rate when I reactivated it at the end of 2011, and had more dating options than I needed for a while. They’ve all pretty much dried up, and I can’t really get anyone to respond now. It’s gotten very discouraging, because I am not even writing to the “replies very selectively” types. I tried revising my profile, so maybe I did something to ruin it. Comments/critiques welcome.
It seems I get messages in clusters. I’ve gotten three unsolicited this week after none for about a month or so. I’ve already mentioned the girl who deleted her account two hours after she sent me her message. I got two today. The first has no pic with her profile. I took four years of Spanish in high school, but it’s been a while since I graduated. I said I know Spanish poorly on OkC. The second message I got today was mostly in Spanish. I remembered just enough to get the general gist. She basically said she thought I was sexy. I’ve gotten “you’re cute” before in English, but it just sounds better in a foreign language.
Hey, I’ve read through about 90% of the 53 pages here and gotten a lot of good information and different points of view on many things that have bothered me about OKC. I wanted to try and pick the brains of anyone willing to offer advice.
I’m a 23 year old male, living in SoCal. A female friend of mine convinced me to create an account on OKC two months ago and it’s been a bit of a pain really. I fall onto the “over think everything” side of the spectrum and “don’t want to be a creepy guy” because I don’t consider myself a creeper.
I have had a few conversations with different women on OKC. But one has really been bothering me for the past week.
I messaged Peggy (not her name or even close to it) and asked about her username. I had guessed that it was a reference to a subject that I’m a bit of a geek about and just wanted to start a non threatening no pressure conversation (her match % and friend % were both in the low 90’s). She responded almost right away, very excited and introduced herself. After about 5 hours of back and forth messaging (about 36 total, with each of us messaging only to reply to the last message) she replied with “… I think I love you” which I took to be a kind of “haha” joking moment. We continued messaging and she said we should have a “hang out” day where we watched the film series that we are both partial too. I suggested we meet for a coffee sometime that week (not feeling comfortable spending an entire day either at her place or with her at mine) and she responded well to that. We set it up for this Thursday (as she had a very busy week last week) and all was well.
Here is where my paranoia or “over thinking” comes in. I didn’t want to just stop talking because we had made plans, so the conversation continued (with more time between messages, a day or so). Last Wednesday she seems to have stopped responding, the last message I had sent was a link to something I found funny/enjoyable that I thought she would like. I wasn’t too worried as she works part time and is also going to school. Let’s face it, no one really just sits there and waits for someone to message 24/7. After another few days of silence I sent a general hypothetical question about what her “ideal” day would be, to start a conversation again. She has not responded to that message either.
I don’t know if this is normal or something changed and she isn’t interested. I’ve reserved judgement that I should just wait until Tuesday (2 days before our coffee plans) and double check with a “Hey, just wanted to be sure we’re still on for coffee on Thurs” message. I really don’t want to end up at that coffee shop and get stood up. But I also don’t want to do that to her.
For reference, I had added her to my “favorites” list after we setup the coffee outing and have noticed that she has been online most nights since she stopped messaging me. I know this message is really long and I must seem a bit paranoid and crazy, but I’m just looking for some outside perspective/advice about situations like this.
Thanks 
I’ve never been quite sure on the protocol for what to do between the time that you make the date and the date itself. Personally, I try to slow the messages down as much as possible while still maintaining some contact. Mostly, I worry about burning out before meeting in person.
Ignoring the date, you’re firming in the ‘ball is in her court’ territory. So I would just leave it alone. Show up for coffee and hope for the best. If you really want to send a ‘just want to make sure we’re still on’ send it Wednesday night or Thursday morning. In fact, that would be a good time to day “Just wanted to make sure we’re still on for tomorrow, if you need to get a hold of me on Thursday, my cell number is 555-3434. I’ll be at work/school/etc so it might be easier to call or text me”. If she replies with her phone number, you’re golden.
It’s also possible that once she locked in a date with you, she started working on her next date. She’s going to meet you IRL, so she doesn’t need to spend a ton of energy worrying about messaging you anymore…for lack of a better way to say it.
I presume the lady was a motorcycle rider. They can get huffy if you don’t dig their lifestyle right off the bat, in my experience.
Yeah. The more distant I get from the ‘event’, the more I realize it’s true.
(And no apologies necessary!)
She mentioned “challenging hills”, which strongly suggests the human-powered version of biking.
I may have hit a snag with this current guy: at the risk of TMI/being crude, he’s having performance issues. Friday night we chalked it up to his serious allergic reaction to my dog, but last night there was no excuse (which he freely admitted).
He was frustrated and embarrassed, which of course became counterproductive. I stayed positive, and kept trying to reassure him: it’s not uncommon for guys to have a little trouble at first with someone new, I’m willing to keep trying, and everything else seems to be great. Before I left his place last night (well, at 2:30 this morning) we made plans to see each other again next weekend: we’re going to DC for dinner and live jazz on Saturday night, and I’ll spend the night at his place. He keeps telling me that mornings are his “best time,” so I want to give him every chance that I can think of in case we still have trouble on Saturday night.
I’m not writing him/us off just yet, and we’ll see how next weekend goes, but frankly I’m not very optimistic. He knows that sex is important to me, and I know that he really wants to be able to, so I feel like he’s just going to keep putting all of this pressure on himself – which will just keep backfiring. I’m thinking about suggesting that we deliberately not have sex on Saturday night: that we plan to have happy fun time on Sunday morning, but that on Saturday we just go out and have a good time and literally sleep together (unless something comes up ;)). That may not take all of the pressure off, but I’m hoping it might help. If any of you guys have ever had this problem (and will admit it), what do you think?
Penises are stupid. :mad:
(If you want to judge me/give me shit for trying to have sex with someone I just met, please take it elsewhere. Thanks!)
Nothing negative jumps out at me. There is one possible error, though: the last thing in your “You should message me if” section says, “you’re open to meeting someone who doesn’t live further away than the next block over.” I think you mean “you’re open to meeting someone who does live further away than the next block.” (Or just “you’re open to meeting someone who lives further away than the next block.”)
I think JoeyP nailed it.
Good!
I feel sad that you felt the need to include this anti-slut-shaming disclaimer. :Sigh:
I’m sorry that I don’t have any possible solutions for your beau’s ED problems, never having had that problem myself. Yet. :Knocks on wood:
It wasn’t directed at anyone who has been active in this thread recently; I’ve just been on this board long enough to know that some people will pop out of the woodwork just to be jerks.
I’ve been on this board longer than you and I haven’t noticed much slut-shaming, but it’s possible I simply wasn’t paying attention. On other parts of the Internet and the the world-at-large, I see a lot of it unfortunately. I like to believe the SDMB is better than most places in this.
Thanks for catching that mistake Misnomer!
And, reading some of the older posts in this thread, I am just now seeing that Invisible Chimp’s former handle is the reason why I have to have numbers after my own. shakes fist
I didn’t force you to be uncreative, so it’s not my fault! 
It wasn’t about slut-shaming in particular, but being a jerk in general. And since you have 3.5 years on me, you already know as well as I do that the Dope isn’t much better than anywhere else when it comes to that. 
Sorry I didn’t have anything constructive to offer!
Be careful here. Clearly I don’t know everything that has been going on, but “He knows that sex is important to me” is the kind of thing that would really make me feel the pressure. And pressure just snowballs, a little bit in the head and then you overthink it, start to panic, overthink some more and before you know it you’ve killed off everything down there.
This guy doesn’t need to know that sex is very important to you. He just needs to know that you want to have sex with him.
I get your point, amanset, but it’s not like I sat there when things weren’t working and said, “Hey! This is important to me!!” We’d already talked about sex – and its importance to both of us – before discovering that there was an issue.
Plus, your quote leaves out the end of my sentence, “I feel like he’s just going to keep putting all of this pressure on himself – which will just keep backfiring.” So yeah, I get it. And when I’m with him, I’m nothing but careful/optimistic/supportive.
Speaking as a male, reading what you have written I can’t help but feel you are overthinking and overtalking it. It seems you are trying to discuss plans around it with a view to “what happens happens” but, if he was me, the last thing I would want is to be discussing those plans as they would be a reminder of the problem. In the evening when you maybe don’t try, he’ll be reminded of the problem. He’ll be worrying about it. It’ll feel like he now has a date and time (Sunday morning) where he will be expected to perform. He will be panicking about this.
There is no easy answer to this but, from my perspective, trying to plan strategies just makes things worse. Instead just let everything be as natural as possible. Try and read his signals. If things get hot but it looks like it may not work down there, then slowly (not immediately) back off, let it calm down. Let him do some stuff to you instead.
Without wanting to sound all new agey and shit, sex isn’t just about putting a stick in a hole.