Can I judge you for getting to attempt to have sex when I’ve not had the opportunity to even try for nearly two years? Oh wait, that’s “jealousy” not “judging”, dammit!
That’s the crap thing about my situation - I’m seeing this guy tomorrow night, in other circumstances, after a few drinks I’d happily hop back to his place if things were going well. But given I have a babysitter waiting with my 15 month old at home, I’d need to pre-arrange it if I wanted to stay out, and I’m not *quite *that arrogant/confident!
Yeah, I’d already decided not to go there (for all of the reasons you mention); glad I seem to be on the right track. Thanks.
I didn’t think it was necessary to detail everything that we’ve done so far; please don’t assume that you know. I/we have already done all of the above. There was porn, too (at his request/suggestion).
Again, please don’t assume that you know what you’re talking about. You’re not sounding new agey, just condescending.
LOL! It’s been nearly three years for me, so don’t be so jealous.
Sorry, I’m horrible at figuring out even my own date outfits. grin
Seems to me someone didn’t read what I wrote, just what they thought I wrote.
Just trying to give you a male perspective and try and be supportive towards someone that sounded like she was going to throw in the towel on the current prospect. Good to hear that such things are apparently looked down on upon around here. Or would you rather I just give you want you want to hear? “You’re too good for him. He doesn’t deserve someone as good as you. (((huggles)))” That better?
Moving on, I’m really liking OKCupid’s little tricks to keep you active and involved.
Every time I visit the site, there’s an unobstrusive suggestion:
“Why not complete your profile by answering 50 questions?”
Okay thinks I, and spent 10 minutes ticking boxes.
“Why not complete your profile by rating 25 profiles?”
Yeah, sure, and then I spent 15 minutes crushing mens hopes by mostly giving them less than 3 stars (I’m choosy!)
“Why not complete your profile by answering 100 questions?”
Hang on a minute…
“Why not complete your profile by rating 50 profiles?”
Yeah, now I see what you’re doing there.
The only one I don’t really like is “Contact 25 new people!”. I find it difficult to keep track of too many conversations, I did that on Plentyoffish and was losing a feel for which guy was which. On OKCupid I have a deep involved chat going with ginger-non-kids-wanting-guy, and a light hearted books chat with a geek-guy, so that combined with my real-life drink tonight are enough to keep me occupied. I don’t want to start 25 more conversations!
I’m not quite public enough to stick a link to my profile up and ask for comments like ataraxy22 but I would appreciate feedback on what I could do to improve it, so if anyone reading this thread has 5 mins to spend criticising a stranger, send me a PM and I’ll give you the link. Probably If I recognise your username from this thread
I’m thinking low(ish)-cut red peasant blouse, full knee-length black skirt, and new high heeled black ankle boots. We’re meeting in a rock pub, so I want to blend in, but not give too false an impression of myself, given that I normally live in jeans and trainers, or skirt and dresses, rather than the combats and Doc Martens that I think most of the girls he hangs around with wear.
(TLDR - going for cute mumsy, rather than mutton-dressed-as-lamb!)
Fingers crossed that he doesn’t cancel on me again!
Funny, I always completely ignore those: I answer more questions whenever I’m bored and think of it, but I’ve never rated a profile or even really noticed those little prompts.
Hard to go wrong with red and black – in fact, those are the colors I’m wearing at work right now. grin And I definitely wouldn’t worry about what those girls wear: he’s on a date with you, not one of them.
I recently re-joined a dating site about a month ago and I have some general questions for anyone interested in answering.
How long does it take messaging back and forth with someone before you know if you are interested? How long before you ask for their number, or ask them out? Do you find it a relief if the other person makes the first move, or do you prefer to be the one to make the move? If you don’t mind, please share your gender with your answer.
I’m curious about the different approaches men and women take to online dating and what “rules” apply, if you have any.
I think it’s less man vs. woman about how quickly to meet and more of an individual preference.
I would prefer to meet the person after two or three decent email conversations. In my opinion, I don’t want to spend weeks getting to know someone online, feeling a spark in our conversations, if that spark won’t translate to a face to face meeting.
But as much as I’ll be open to/ask for a meeting very quickly, I won’t talk on the phone before that initial meeting.
No contest; I was merely pointing out that hermette had no reason to feel jealous of me regarding a particular situation.
I’m a female, and my answers to all of the above are “What Mauvaise said.”
I wouldn’t say that it’s a “relief” when the other person makes the first move, but it’s usually a good sign. I don’t mind being the one to suggest meeting, though.
I’m female, and I don’t mind contacting guys first. I do it pretty regularly and am selective about who I message and who I respond to. I’m not shy, and I am opinionated and not afraid to show it. But when it comes to meeting for the first time, or exchanging phone numbers, I tend to leave it up to the guy to make the first move. The times when I have made the first move, I have gotten negative feedback. I was actually told once, after asking guy if he’d like to go out, that he was sorry but he just didn’t like girls who were that forward. Fluke, possibly. But it left a lasting impression.
Regardless of gender being a factor, I’m still curious how quickly someone decides they are interested in someone, compared to how quickly they’d like to meet the person. For instance, it’s pretty rare I message or reply to someone I’m not interested in, but it usually takes me a few emails to figure out if I’d like to meet them.
Besides biologically dictated things like pregnancy, I hate when people expect other people to behave a certain way because of their genitals. I don’t mind if people have personal preferences. If the dude had said that he preferred to make the first move because that’s the way he is, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but saying almost the same thing because he’s the guy and you’re the girl is sexist. I suspect if everyone acted according to their personal preferences, they’d naturally conform to gender stereotypes more often than not, but gender stereotypes shouldn’t be the expectation. If you’re interested in someone else, you should be able to ask them out, regardless of what’s between your legs.
It’s a shame that the impression was “I shouldn’t do that again” instead of “that guy’s a tool.” If someone thinks that I’m being too forward when I ask to meet them, I feel like I dodged a bullet.
For the record, though, that’s not to be confused with someone who simply isn’t ready to meet me as soon as I’m willing to meet him: I once waited about a month to meet a guy, including daily emails and I think one or two phone conversations, because he needed to feel like he knew me better before he was ready to meet in person. In his case my gut told me that a short wait might be worth it, and I was right: we wound up dating for a few months. He was definitely an exception, though.
I mentioned earlier in this thread(months ago) that a girl suggested meeting, I gave her my landline number and asked her to call me. She promptly deactivated her account. She later reactivated her account and now she is seeing someone(she wasn’t seeing someone when she first reactivated.)
A rulebook? Why? You want to date picky bitches who would turn you down just because you don’t say or do something the way they prefer/think it should be done?
I was pointing out that you don’t want phone calls. My friend was rejected because his potential date did want a phone call before meeting. How’s a person supposed to know a person’s communication preferences prior to communicating? Granted, this applies more to numbers acquired in person…
If I recognise your username from this thread 
