Clearly I didn’t get the “joke” part…and most of the above indicates that you were being serious.
IMO, comparing Mauvaise’s preference of not talking on the phone before she meets someone to the other examples is like comparing apples to oranges: if someone asks for her number before she’s ready, she can simply say, “Not yet, thanks.” Totally not the same as completely rejecting someone simply because they initiated communication the “wrong” way, and you expected them to read your mind.
I guess my point was that you only need a “rulebook” when you’re dealing with picky bitches (or bastards): people worth dating will be reasonable during the initial communication/“getting to know you” stuff.
I preferred to not talk on the phone before meeting.
I feel that I can judge a persons personality well enough through e-mail that I don’t also need to screen through a phone call.
Also, some people just aren’t good on the phone. I am fine, but I think it’s actually likely that the other person might be nervous or something and therefore not give me a good impression.
I will/have had phone conversations first, but that’s easily a minority. It wouldn’t bother me if someone insisted or refused to talk on the phone before a first face-to-face meeting.
Is everyone familiar with the ‘3 day rule?’ Where you don’t call for 3 days? I don’t use it and think it’s stupid but I think it’s pretty commonly known.
One I just learned recently was the ‘3rd date rule.’ Or maybe it’s just a guideline, but apparently (depending on who you talk to) you’re almost expected to have sex on the 3rd date. I wonder (making myself sound old) if this is a meme circulating among the younger crowd.
I find phone calls between two people that don’t know each other can be awkward and if it’s too awkward that can remove any desire to meet. Which isn’t fair to either party if said awkwardness was due to nervousness. I’ve been on both ends of that scenario. I think it’s much better to just move from email to meeting in person, skipping the phone call.
I’ve heard both and I’m 38. I don’t follow the 3-day for calling/emailing, I usually give it about a day or so.
For the 3rd date rule, that seems about right in my experience. Usually by that time you’ve been talking on the phone or emailing for a couple of weeks. But what the hell do I know, I haven’t had more then a second date in 8 years now.
So now after my four dates I’m back to zero. Even my swim meet had no women in my age group that were not married. I swear I think the early to mid 70s had no female births.
I would stop dating anyone that played by any set of “rules”. I don’t think dating (or relationships) are games that have a set playbook. Be yourself from Day 1 and do what your instincts tell you to do (or not do) not what you think you should do.
I’m probably older than you and the ‘3rd date rule’ is not new, I’ve known about it for years and years and years. I don’t follow it though - I’ll have sex with someone new when the time feels right. Hell, my current boyfriend & I waited about 6 months (until we were sure we were in it for the long haul*).
*There are extenuating circumstances about our relationship that necessitated being extra cautious.
Sorry to slap a dead horse (I don’t intend to actually beat it), but I just want to say that I now regret posting about my “snag.” Not because of amanset, but because it was way too soon to call the situation anything like a problem, or to be so pessimistic about it. I was just very frustrated that day, because prior to meeting this guy I’d spent five months waiting for someone (IRL Guy #1) who talked a good game about liking me and wanting to date me but who never really did anything about it. So the day of that post I was feeling selfishly tired of “all talk” situations; momentarily tired of having to be patient and understanding, even though the two guys/situations are completely different.
Anyway, I’m actually feeling way more optimistic about this guy than that post let on: the more I get to know him the more I like him, and the feeling seems to be mutual. We’re still going out and spending the night together on Saturday, and we’ve added dinner on Friday to our weekend plans. The performance anxiety will work itself out; there’s no “deadline.”
That is all. Thanks for letting me backpedal a little.
I’ve certainly heard of it – my entire dating life, it seems – but I thought that these days it was only mentioned ironically and no longer regarded as a legitimate guideline. Wishful thinking, perhaps. grin
I’ve heard of that for a long time, too; maybe not as long as the phone call “rule,” but a while.
Bingo.
At the end of my first date with this current guy, we made plans to go out the following weekend. But I found myself wanting to see him again sooner, so two days after the date I asked him to meet me for coffee the next morning. I knew there was a chance he’d think I was being pushy, but instead he was glad that I asked – and it gave us a little in-joke/recurring “argument” about whether it counted as date #2.
Sadly it’s over a week away, as I’m off on holiday tomorrow, but at least it’s set. I may be bowing out of this thread for a while, but good luck everyone else, and thanks to **Misnomer **and Robot Arm for checking out my OKC profile for me!
Oh, I’ll leave you with this opening message I got from a guy on OKCupid - seems legitimate, right?
OKC once had a list of five tips to write the perfect message. I took it as a challenge to create the most awful message that still followed all the rules.
Heh, it seems I’ve messaged all the ladies in my area, now they’re trying to match me up with folks in DC. Sorry bit too far, I’ve done and failed at the long-distance thing.
I spent most of the weekend with the new guy. I think I’ll be deactivating my OKCupid profile soon.
Wow. Just…wow.
This has come up before: there’s so much anecdotal evidence of “plain” people getting those messages, too, that I don’t think it’s anything worth noting/fretting about. IMO it’s just another marketing tool (“use our site more!”), targeted at random users.
