Isn’t Sicks Ate a success story, as well? And one that predates mine by a little bit? (I feel like there might be someone else, too…one of the women here?..but can’t think of a name.)
Things are still going quite well, though; thanks! It’s been a little over three months since our first date, and just yesterday we were saying that we need to figure out a way to spend more time together. My dog is still a complication, but we’ll do some brainstorming this weekend. I like him very much, and lately I’ve even been thinking about breaking out the “L” word… :eek:
It’s definitely all a bit scary, but I think it’s way too soon to worry about whether you’re a couple. As long as the dates keep going well you should just keep going on them, and eventually it’ll either come up in conversation or you’ll just know. With my guy, we both knew that neither of us was seeing anyone else when we started dating, but it was still probably about a month before we started referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. The timing, etc., will vary depending on the people involved.
If I’m reading my timestamps correctly, your first date with her will be tonight? How has the texting been going? Keeping fingers crossed for you!
Not that it matters, since I’m “seeing someone,” but I updated my OkC pictures. The two newest pictures I put up were taken by the girl I’m seeing. Thoughts?
Sorry, no. Sometimes visits from a sex worker are covered to people who are heavily physically handicapped and in an institution.
Sounds like fun. There are plenty of dating coaches out there. If your group gathers infrequent, just ask one from the yellow pages to start a new one and say you at least will participate.
Part of being able to communicate is the language. But you might be surprised how many “bridal” countries have a sizable part of the population speaking English. Wiki says, for instance, that 33 % of Indians speak English; 80% of Phillipines; 30 of Polish; 40% in Cameroon, 30 percent in Romania, the list goes on and on. For educated women, which would be what you are attracted to, that percentage would be higher. In short, language need not be a problem.
Another part of communicating is culture. While it would be easier sharing a cultural vernacular in advance, it is not necessary for friendship or love. It is more important to get a shared vernacular with each other, and time will do that. Also, it is only when one hasn’t met the person in question that we think all the stereotypes apply; the materialistic East European; the East Indian who is a slave to her family, all those generalized images they no doubt have of us too. After you come to know her, she becomes an individual foremost. And the cultural differences become far less important, besides, even in the US it is quite likely if you meet someone they’re still bringing with them their American-Chinese, American-Italian, American-etc cultural differences to the table. How do people generally solve those?
Strangely perhaps, I sometimes think some people do better in an entire different language and culture. There is a reason I spent all my 15 thousand posts on this US centered messageboard and not a Dutch one. It sort of frees me up to be more myself, and have all my anomalies made invisible under the guise of foreign-ness.
That’s actually not a problem at the moment. I inherited some money a while ago; not enough to never work again, but enough to not have to worry about it for a while.
I’m seeing how it goes. I’m not very good at taking advice. It’s not intentional; I think I understand it at the time, but years later something will happen and I’ll think “oh, that’s what they meant. Now I get it.”
Well, the language is part of it, and the culture is part of it, but just the idea kind of rubs me the wrong way. I’m not the sort to figure out a role for someone (girlfriend, wife, whatever) and then go looking for someone to fill it. I’d rather meet someone, find out how we are together, and let the relationship (if there is to be one) develop from that. And the whole mail-order thing seems like it would have to lead to a very unbalanced relationship. One person gives up practically their whole life to move across the world to be with the other. I wouldn’t ask someone to give up so much, and I don’t think I’d feel right being the only one they knew or could turn to in a new place.
Of the things you listed, and I do appreciate the ideas, that one is definitely the last resort. I can’t really see it being better than the life I have.
True, I was obviously just being biased! Glad things are going well
I’ll probably be bowing out of this thread, hopefully for a while, as “Gerrald” and me had a bit of a chat on our third date, and are definitely exclusively dating. He’s not ready to say we’re in a relationship yet, but he’s certainly acting a hell of a lot like a devoted boyfriend, so I’m happy with that, and I’m seeing him again on Thursday.
Good luck to the rest of you - I think the thing I’ve learned is that you have to step outside of your comfort zone, ie take the initiative and make the first move, rather than letting them come to you, and don’t be put off by distance, if the connections there, it’s there (and you never know, they might be planning a move anyway!).
Oh, and yes, I’ve updated my profile to “seeing someone”
I like them! Especially the middle one that you’re smiling in
Reverse the sexes and I could have almost posted this same exact thing two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, she was introducing me as her boyfriend, this week she’s single and we’re just friends. She was long distance but is moving closer too! I hope yours doesn’t have the same ending as mine.
Thanks! Now they do matter, since I’m single again.
They look pretty good. You could experiment with tighter cropping - try crop the area below the collar out, and for the second photo, the chairs.
I’m on - and that’s about it. I’m going to get my brother to take some non-godawful photos tomorrow, and I’m doing a draft of my profile. I’ve done some questions and that’s starting to make me do a little soul searching about what I really want to get out of this. You guys will get a link to when I’ve got it nearer to completion.
True! I might stick around for the reassurance for a little while. We’ve both taken down our OKC profiles, so I think that’s a good sign? If anything, he’s now the one pressing for us to be a proper couple, and for me to let my family know about him, and I’m the one suddenly hoping we’re not rushing things!
Oh, and we had the talk about whether or not we both want kids on our 4th date, keen, eh?
That’s just… argh! What happened? I’m guessing it was her decision? It sucks anyway, and I hope she’s introducing you to all of her cute single friends, like a good friend should
Yesterday was the 4-month mark for me and my guy, but honestly I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be together: based on a conversation we had a week ago I’m convinced that we have no future together, and I’m in the process of figuring out whether there’s any reason to keep seeing him (other than the sex). He’s supposed to meet my dad in three weeks – I have an important gig coming up that they’re both planning to attend – but now I kind of don’t want him to. I think we’re going to wind up having another big conversation soon; maybe even this coming weekend.
Anyway, when we break up I don’t think I’ll be returning to the dating world: between this and the 5-month drama (with IRL guy) that preceded it I think I’ll be done for a while, and happy to just focus on my job, friends, dog, and music. I’ll let you guys know when/if I decide to resurrect my OKC profile.
For me, it would be a plus - if I knew anyone on your side of the pond, I’d pass you on to them, definitely!
Congratulations!
Fingers crossed for you anyway Robot Arm
That must’ve been some conversation
Sounds like a plan - take some time to yourself to get over him, then move on when you’re good and ready.
hugs if you need them!
Date 5 for me tonight, and we’re talking about me maybe going to stay over at his, fo dinner, drinks & whatever, in a couple of weeks. Complex negotiations are required with the babysitter first though!
Yeah. Basically, our long-term needs are in direct opposition: I need to live with him, he needs to be left alone (it’s not quite that simple, obviously, but that’s the gist). I’m kind of surprised that I didn’t break up with him as soon as I realized how fundamentally incompatible we are, but right now I’m just trying to figure out how I feel and whether it makes any sense for us to keep seeing each other in the short term. Like I said, I think a follow-up conversation will happen very soon.
I am thinking of online dating, I have no idea where to start. Do I make it clear I am not thinking of marriage at all? I would like to find a travel partner.
Of course you should be clear on what you do and don’t want. I recommend starting with OkCupid, it’s free, easy to use, and you can find others who want the same things you do. eHarmony is for the marriage-minded, so you should avoid at all costs. I’m not sure about Match.
(I feel like there might be someone else, too…one of the women here?..but can’t think of a name.)
