You’re cute, and your profile’s pretty good. I’d tone down on the kookiness a little bit perhaps, and try to be a little less generic (you’ve basically just put a slightly different spin on the classic but boring “likes to go out but loves to stay in too!!”)–but you’re 32 and searching for ladies 22-30 only? That’s pretty much an immediate “strike out” for me. Don’t know if that’s on purpose or not–if so, I applaud your honesty, but in discussions with my female friends, one thing we’ve been unanimous on is that guys looking only for younger women creep us out.
For the record, I’m a 26 year old lady grad student, so pretty solidly in your demographic. If it wasn’t that whole age thing, I’d probably message you back.
I’d also highly recommend OKCupid for you. It also has the benefit of being free.
Except, not really: part of why I broke up with him over the weekend is because I don’t think I want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. So, I won’t be jumping back into OKCupid-land any time soon.
This is something I have trouble with too. I wouldn’t be opposed to dating someone a few years older than me, but I swear that every single woman above the age of 30 on OKCupid looks exactly like my mother, which creeps me out.
Thanks! And I am. We dated for 6 months, which was probably about 1 month too long (frankly). I feel bad about hurting him, but mostly I’m relieved.
LOL!
Part of why I broke up with him this past weekend – instead of waiting a little while longer – is because my birthday is at the end of this week. I wanted to spare him having to buy me something and having to sit through a night of live jazz, but I have to admit that a tiny part of me is like, “Another birthday alone…sigh” (I’ll be 41). That’s only 1% of how I’m feeling right now, though: the other 99% is totally ok.
I used to have a line in my OkC profile that said that I was unemployed and therefore not looking to date, but I was open to being pen pals. That was a mistake. I ended up dating a woman off-and-on for about six months. She kept breaking up with me, but we kept acting like a couple. We broke up for good two weeks ago. I think we will still be friends after a cooling off period. Shockingly, one of the major issues was my joblessness. I disabled my profile about a month ago. I have another job interview Monday.
On Match, even with anonymous browsing, there’s a counter that will still increase each time someone visits your profile. For anyone of a number of reasons, a lot of people still won’t check out your profile after you send them an email.
I get that on OKC they can browse anonymously, or log out and look at your profile or set up a fake profile or have a friend (that’s also on OKC) check you out…but you can’t do that on Match without the counter going up.
Either way, just like you have to accept that you’ll get very few replies, you also have to accept that many of the people you send out messages to will even check out your profile.
It’s just part of how it works.
Here is a Q&A with OkCupid cofounder Chris Coyne that you might find interesting. The most interesting thing to me that he said is Special Blend is made up of people they think will respond to you.
Yeah, I know. It just seemed like the idea that they weren’t even looking at your profile was bumming you out even more. I know that when I’m active on OKC I always browse anonymously, so I don’t think you should infer anything based on what you see/don’t see in that regard.
I didn’t realize that Robot Arm had a Match account; I thought he was only on OKC. My bad!
Of course. My point was that, with anonymous browsing enabled on a site like OKC, you can’t know exactly who is – or isn’t – looking at your profile.
That’s interesting. I always change the search to Online Now/Last Online. Occasionally changing the terms to Online in the Last Day/Best Match. But, in the end, it’s always the Usual Suspects. I know who’s going to show up. Maybe I’ll look at special blend. It drives me nuts that it always goes back to that. Now, if could make the first part (the time) stop being random. Every time I go to search I think “Well, I’m pretty sure I didn’t leave that at ‘online in the past year’ last time I used it’.”
I wonder if Special Blend weights ‘replies often’ more heavily.
Here’s the deal. I met a girl about a year ago. We got on great together - movies, nights down the pub, etc.
A couple of months ago, I asked her on a proper date and she said no. She said it was ‘complicated’ and she liked me as a friend - nothing more.
Friend Zoned Fine I say. I enjoy her company, and we carried on having our nights out together and everything was good.
Until 3 weeks ago when she dropped the bombshell. She was going on a date with someone. Not just anyone, but a barman of our local pub (who I was friends with).
I thought I could handle it. I couldn’t.
I’m trying to get over her, but it’s incredibly difficult. I’ve stopped all contact with her, however:
it’s the only pub within walking distance so going elsewhere is not an option, not only that but all my friends are there
he works there quite a lot so I’m going to have to see him regularly which reminds me of her
It never came to fruition…without elaborating too much, the following week, reconciled with my g/f. Ended up being one of the rare good bumps in the road.
Frankly? You just have to suck it up. I know it hurts, but you’ve made it clear that you can’t/won’t stop going to that pub. Maybe that’s for the best, really: as long as you’re capable of acting like an adult when she’s/the barman’s around, even if you don’t feel like one, you shouldn’t change your life for her (except maybe avoid the pub just for a little while if you’re really struggling?). It’ll get better soon. Sorry.
We dated for 6 months, which was probably about 1 month too long (frankly). I feel bad about hurting him, but mostly I’m relieved.
Fine I say. I enjoy her company, and we carried on having our nights out together and everything was good.