Is kayaking the most popular recreational activity among single women? 8 out of 10 profiles I see list kayaking as one of their interests.
It’s a regional thing as I’ve never seen a kayaker in my region.
Never underestimate a woman’s attachment to a little man in a canoe.
I am dying to know what you said to these women. When I was on OKC (an incredible wasteland, btw), I’d look at the profiles of everyone who messaged me, unless their message was incredibly asinine. I’m going to assume you weren’t one of the people who sent uselessly brief messages like “Hi,” “How are you?” or “You look cute. Let’s chat,” but I have received more thoughtful messages from men who, half-way through their e-mail, made me think “Yeah, this isn’t going to work.” In those cases, I wouldn’t even look at the profile. But the message really had to be exceptionally bad or cheesy, or make you seem like a dickhead in some way for me not to even look.
Well, some of the messages are still saved on the sites. They wouldn’t make much sense without knowing whom they were sent to, though.
I just checked a few of them; didn’t see anything off-putting. Lengths were somewhere between a grunt and a soliloquy. Just nothing to stand out, perhaps.
Here are a couple of concrete hint that I promise work most of the time. Pick out something in their profile as the big reason you are contacting them (like one of their hobbies that you are also interested in or someplace they have gone you have been as well). It may be mostly bullshit but you need to establish commonality in the 1st e-mail and give them mental justification for talking to you. Don’t mention anything about their appearance at all at first. That is an amateur mistake and can easily backfire. Base it all on common interests and try to play those up.
Always end your first e-mail with a direct question about something that is in their profile. Don’t ask them something vague or if they might like a certain restaurant for example. Ask them a question about one of their photos such as “That place in your photo looks familiar. Is that Destin, FL?” It doesn’t matter if you think it is or not, just make something up. Ask them if they were at a specific sporting event if they expressed an interest in the sport or something specific about a book they read. You get the idea. Put it on a separate line at the very bottom so that it is obvious you expect a response.
I also give my real name and phone number in my first e-mail and enough personal details so that they can find me on the web if they wanted to cyberstalk me quickly before responding back (I don’t tell them that of course). That lets them know you are a real person and not a scammer.
That pretty well describes the messages I did send. Not “mostly bullshit”, either; never could see the point in writing to someone if there was nothing of at least some interest in her profile.
And I have commented on photos from places I actually did recognize, and not gotten a reply.
Not sure about the full name and phone number; don’t know if there’s enough about me online to stalk. (Just did a search, and the first hit isn’t even me.)
Listing your name and phone number at least shows you are serious and don’t have anything to hide.
What about the specific question at the end? You need to establish commonality and give them a reason to write you back.
I can see that. Perhaps I’m just naive and don’t realize how many of the guys I’m in competition with do have something to hide.
I find it very difficult to communicate along some pre-defined rules or template. I’m sure I have ended messages with specific questions before, though; I just don’t make a point of doing it.
Are you asking or reenforcing that?
Asking a question in each email you send is rule number 1 on a dating site. Think about sending your first email to someone. If someone sends you an email with no question, when you go to reply (for the first time), you have to put as much effort into that email as you would a ‘first email’. If there’s a question, you have a jumping off point. You want to make it as easy as possible for the other person to reply. A question or two in each email and a few lines in your profile that have just enough vagueness that they can ask about them.
Before you finish up writing your email, take a quick glance though her profile and look for a hobby so you can end it with a question. Even if it’s something simple like “I see you like skiing, do you just stick to the local slopes or have you been out to places like Vail?”
It just gives her something to get started with. Someway to start her email…“I love skiing, but so far, I’ve only been to [local place], I’d love to go out to Vail someday, my brother lives in Colorado, I keep telling myself I’ll go out there for a few weeks some winter” etc etc etc instead of her sitting there staring at the screen not knowing what to write because you didn’t give her anything to go on and if she’s on the fence to begin with…
I certainly see the value of the advice, I just tend to forget things like that in the moment.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. But I do wonder sometimes if all the women are randomly generated via computer. They’re so fucking predictable sometimes. Oh yes, there’s your skydiving photo. Ah, and your scuba diving photo. And there’s you in front of the Great Pyramid of Giza. Now just upload that overexposed shot of you and your friends in the bar and prepare for a deluge of cock pics.
With all due respect, only crazy people do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. It is time to change your approach. You are probably a little scared of women because you think you have been rejected many times before (that is probably not as true as you think; you had a chance with many of them but blew it). That is perfectly understandable but absolutely none of the new ones will know that. You can be Casanova tomorrow if you change your game (and it is a game at first).
I know you don’t like pick-up strategies because you think they are fake. Get over that now! You are doing a mass marketing campaign and you need a formula. I already told you the essentials and other people backed that up. Don’t be shy. Just pick everyone you might be interested in and write them using the tips given. Play it like a video game and note what works and what doesn’t. You need to appear both confident and interested in something other than their appearance at first but surprise them when you do meet with a strong compliment on their beauty.
I am single father of two girls and I can get a date with beautiful women any time I want. It doesn’t usually go very far because I view single women like a disposable razor but I always have a good time and they do too. If you aren’t even getting to writing back and forth and phone calls, you are doing something fundamentally wrong. It really shouldn’t be that hard.
I don’t think there anything wrong with you other than your attitude and approach plus confidence issues. Lots of females have those too. There is absolutely no reason for you to be single if you don’t want to be.
It must be a New England thing, then. I have never seen so many professed kayakers, it is as ubiquitous as the glass half full.
I wonder if they can kayak while “dressed to the nines at a martini bar, or just chill out and kayak in sweats and a t-shirt watching the (insert college mascot name). GO (COLLEGE MASCOT NAME)!!!”
I would quibble with some of the details, but I will consider this post.
Ultimate dating advice: You are the common factor in all your failed relationships.
How do you define a ‘failed relationship’? Anything that doesn’t last until death? Because that’s just silly. I was in a LTR which is now over, there was no failure.
Well, you are one common factor. For any given person, there are probably many things in common among all their relationships.