I’d volunteer your number to her, so she can call you if she’s running late. Don’t be offended if she doesn’t offer hers in return. Otherwise, make sure you both clearly understand where and when you’re meeting, have some kind of description of each other to go on (or have seen enough photos to be confident) and bring a book in case she’s late.
Good luck!
I’ve come to the collective wisdom of the Dope for some advice…
You may or may not know this but I’m a junior in high school and as of this moment, I am in a quandry. There is a girl I like at my church who in almost all aspects is an ideal match for me and is a sophomore, except for the fact that she has a boyfriend who is a senior. However there is another girl at my school in the same year as me who I also am fond of although she is less of a match for me for various reasons and who doesn’t have a boyfriend (nor is that interested in finding one). Should I wait out the rest of the school year and the summer until the boy of girl no. 1 (presumably) goes off to college and their relationship may end or focus on girl 2?
Of course it’s okay to ask for the phone number of the person you’re planning to meet in person. It would be weird not to.
As others have already said, absolutely! I always volunteer my number when we get to the “meet in person” part (I’m female, FWIW).
I’d say “none of the above”: forget about both of them and look for a girl who you like as much as #1 and is available.
Uh, I think you should maybe focus on locating a girl who actively likes you instead of hassling ones who already have or who don’t want to have boyfriends.
Thanks for the responses.
I’m certainly open to looking for another girl, but since the first girl was literally about as good a match as is possible, its fairly difficult to find another just as good as her. And since I already know the girls at my school and church, I’d have to wait for college to find more people (unless I’m lucky at an MUN conference or something…:p).
Except for the fact that she does not want to date you. For most people, that would be kind of a deal-breaker.
Maybe you should talk your parents into letting you attend a secular book club or something.
Hi,
I am brand new to this site so please please forgive me if this scenario has ever been posed, but i feel like i am in a dilemma. My close girlfriend has offered advice but i want to know what others think here.
I met two guys on an online dating site.
Guy #1
Very charming and generous with his laughter, easy to be around. However red flags galore. Married twice. First marriage failed because he cheated (and there is a slight criminal element to it although it was downgraded to a misdemeanor). he seems very different and honest now. One child from marriage #1 who lives with mother. Second marriage ended 1.5 years ago–he says she ended it. Has one stepson from that marriage. He briefly mentioned he has bad credit–didn’t elaborate. Been on three dates. He is a workaholic and has not been good about texting/emailing/calling. But I still feel very attracted to him.
Guy#2
Shy and awkward. Seems nice enough. kinda cheap. On first date, i offered to help with the check and he said i could pay for the tip! Very difficult to talk to, not a lot of fun or smiles. He pays me a lot of attention and is attentive with texts. Been on three dates. But i feel NO attraction at all (in fact, slightly repulsed).
Friends say guy #1 is too sketchy and I should not bother with him. He has way too much baggage. But the attraction is there.
Friends say with guy #2 the attraction can grow but most likely it won’t so i should tell him we can just be friends.
Help! I really like guy#1, but feel like i may be lowering my standards and discarding long held principles. But what if he really has changed. He seems so nice. But i don’t know how i would feel being wife 3 if things got serious. Guy#2 is blah but stable/safe. should i give him a chance anyways and hope i will eventually be attracted to him
Or just forget both and start fresh?
Do you mean the first girl or the second girl? Because I never asked out the first girl until she got a boyfriend and that of course makes it impossible to ask her out currently. I haven’t asked out the second girl either and am focused mostly on building a closer bond with her.
I’m going to repeat this, as it is wonderful advice but it came out (probably not intentionally) slightly sarcastic/off-hand, but it’s really important. Someone who doesn’t want to date you is NOT right for you. It took me years and years to learn that one. Actually, I still get caught out occasionally by ideas like “We could be so great together, if only he could see it.” Don’t. You’ll save yourself years of trouble.
Forget both and start fresh.
You knew that, right?
As for guy #1. Well maybe he has changed, but what you said about not being very good about texting or calling would be a deal-breaker for me right there, even without the other stuff. Someone who makes you feel you’re always waiting, always asking - it will do nothing for your self-esteem. Work-aholic whatever, he could find the time to text you if he wanted to.
Guy# 2 is not a contender. Let him find someone who likes him.
It it were easy, we wouldn’t need this thread. 
I started to give you a condescending line about “at your age it’s easy to believe that you’ll never find another ‘perfect’ match,” but then I realized that people of all ages tend to think that way – at least, in my experience. I’ve felt that way about 2 or 3 different guys: the last one wasn’t that long ago, and I’m 41. 
I think it’s natural to feel like you’re never going to meet someone as great for you as this particular person, but you know what? If that were the case, you’d be/stay together.
Trust me: you may not trip over another good match, but you will find another one.
So? What’s wrong with waiting? If you didn’t know either of those girls you’d have to wait anyway, right? Since there’s no one else at your school or your church who you could possibly want to date, and you know that isn’t going to change between now and graduation?
Girl #1 already has a boyfriend. That makes her absolutely, completely off-limits (romantically). You can hope all you want that they’ll break up when he goes off to college, but (a) there’s no guarantee and (b) even if that does happen, she could be heartbroken and not interested in dating for a while. You want someone who’s emotionally healthy and ready to be your girlfriend, you don’t want to be someone’s second choice because the guy she really wants to be with moved away.
Girl #2 sounds like someone you’re talking yourself into liking, and you’ve also said that it seems like she’s not interested in dating at all right now. Just like you don’t want to be someone else’s second choice, it’s not fair to do that to her…and if she is your second choice, she’ll be able to tell.
This. For the reasons PookahMacPhellimey said.
I haven’t been following this thread, but chiming in to reaffirm my like of OkCupid. It’s been a great success for me ever since I started using it and after bouncing between short flings for the last few months I found someone I fit with and it’s starting to look serious. All without having had to spend a penny. It gets a thumbs up from me.
What exactly does that mean?
No, don’t try to be friends either. That makes no sense. You barely know the guy and what you do know, you find dull.
I would suggest you ask girl #2 out, but don’t treat it like your life depends on it. If she says yes that’s fine, if she says no that’s fine too. If you do date then talk, do something fun, have a good time. You need dating practice to become more confident. Your goal should be to get to know her and just have a good time away from home/school, you don’t have to pick out wedding rings or even plan on still dating as far as next week or next month.
Don’t overly invest yourself in anyone. I don’t know what it is about being young but you get attached to someone and it feels like your life depends on making them see how great you are for each other. It has to work both ways. If a girl likes you, she will let you know. It may be subtle, but she will let you know, you just have to be cool about analyzing her signals.
Anyway, forget girl #1, she has a boyfriend. You don’t need drama on top of anxiety.
Thanks guys,
I guess I didn’t want to deal with the reality of both having to come to an end.
Guy#1
Regarding the misdemeanor thing. He cheated with a married woman who had a teenage daughter (a minor). About 6 months into the affair, he emailed the daughter inappropriate content. The woman reported it to police and he was arrested. With probation/good behavior, it was downgraded from a felony to a misdemeanor. I found this out myself. He never told me. As I type this, I find myself saying duh what were you thinking. I should have bolted right when I found out, right?
Now the other tricky part. I don’t like the great houdini act (ie disappearing into thin air). After all, these are human beings with feelings and leaving people hanging is cold, disrespectful, and lacks integrity. so I feel I should end things amicably at least, right? I know when people leave me hanging, it totally pisses me off.
With guy #1 will an email and phone call suffice? Or in person?
With guy#2 in person?
+10,000. Pookah is right. Do not lower your standards by accepting 1) a guy who has red flags all over the place (and, by the way, people don’t really change all that much), or 2) by hoping your feelings will grow for someone you just don’t/won’t/can’t have feelings for.
Being a little (or even a lot) lonely is far, far better than settling for less. Trust me, I’ve been there. Never again.
Put your chin up, straighten your spine, and keep looking.
Best of luck,
jayrey
If you want to end things amicably, do it at arm’s length. An email should suffice. Don’t get drawn back into a dialogue afterwards.
Voice of experience here (again). I think an email would suffice in both cases. You might simply say something like, “Dear Red Flag: I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together but, on reflection, feel that we’re a not good match. We both the deserve to find the best possible partners, and I wish you good luck with your search.”
I’ve found it best to make me the “bad guy” and not leave them with any openings to make promises about changing: “Oh, I’ll call/text/write more often, I promise!” If they call in response to your email, you can either take the call or send it to voicemail. I think taking the call is better, but that’s just me. If you do talk to them, be calm, a little distant, and completely unmovable in your decision. You can be kind and a rock at the same time.
Your first post to the SDMB is to solicit dating advice? LOL. That said, here’s some dating advice: They’re both losers. Move on. It’s been three dates. Send an e-mail, and if they write back, ignore it.