Another thing about Tinder, all you have is a few pictures an, at most 500 characters, though most people have none. IOW, you can’t mess around with your pictures.
Sure, on OKC, people might spend a few minutes trying to figure out which person in the group shot is you, on Match they might not mind seeing a few pictures of Machu Picchu, but here, nope. Three pictures of you and two other girls, NOPE. Just one picture that only shows half your face, NOPE etc. And the kicker is, I’ll never, ever get to come back around to see you again, you only have that one chance. After a few weeks when you build up some nerve and put some actual pictures up, you’ve already had 100’s or 1000’s of people swipe past you and they’ll never see you again.
Though I’m wondering if everything resets if you uninstall/reinstall or put it on a different device. If not it seems like you’d run out of people after a while.
It’s not that I have stuff on Facebook I wouldn’t want someone I’m dating to see/know about, it’s that I’m not sure I’d want someone I haven’t even met to see/know about some of it – without context, without knowing even a little bit of my personality, etc. Same reason I hardly ever accept friend requests from people I don’t know in real life.
I would ask if you’re able to control what parts of your Facebook profile get shared via Tinder, but from the profile pics example it sounds like “no”…?
Tinder is minimalist in design. It shows up to 6 pictures, not necessarily from FB - it’s just the default. You can upload non-fb pics for a… sexier profile. It pulls your “interests” aka all the pages you’ve listed as your favorite books, activities, etc on your profile that people never read anyway. It pulls your “about me” section that a lot of people leave blank. It also pulls your friends list to see if you have any friends in common.
No wall posts, no album picture access, no direct link to fb.
Neither do I, but as I said above I have a real problem with overthinking all this and I thought this might force me to break away from that. It sort of does, sort of doesn’t. On the one hand, I can’t don’t spend 20 minutes hemming and hawing just to say YES or NO to someone. On the other hand, I have, at times, tried to find a FB profile on some people if I’m on the fence. But it ends up being sort of pointless. I mean, why spend 20 minutes trying to find a FB profile, just to look at some pictures/posts, to say YES so that they can say NOPE after looking at your picture for (literally) a half a second.
But it’s hard (again, this is me overthinking) to say yes to someone knowing they might me a religious nutcase or have 5 kids or just be looking for a hookup or still be married and going through a rough patch and looking for a fling for a few weeks etc etc etc
OTOH Match/OKC haven’t been treating me well so what do I have to lose?
Like what pancakes said, you can’t control what it shows, but all it shows is the pictures you choose and mutual friends/likes. That’s it. If you’re curious just sign up for it. It’s kinda fun.
I’ve found no way to upload pictures that aren’t on FB. In fact I only had one picture on FB that worked and I wanted another one so I uploaded it to FB and set it so only I could see it* and Tinder could still grab it.
*Nothing wrong with it, I just didn’t want people asking why I just uploaded a picture of my face.
I have one girl that keeps showing up, nearly every single day, sometimes twice a day. I’d guess I’ve swipped left on her picture at least 20-25 times.
My theories are:
1)There’s a glitch on my account so it’s not registering the ‘nope’ and she keeps popping up as a new match.
2)She’s deleting and reinstalling her account every day (sometimes twice) for whatever reason. This, I think is plausible. I tried it once and found out that that’s all it takes to ‘start over’. No tricks, no cheating, no new email address, just delete your profile and start over.
3)She’s deleting and reinstalling her account AND ‘liking’ me which is why she’s popping up so quickly. I’ve found that if I like someone and they like me back it happens very quickly. I think if you like someone you show up in their next batch of matches.
Next question. Are there ‘scammers’ on here like there are on OKC? Just saw a ‘hot girl’ that had a duckface in one of her pictures (only one of them) and figured what the hell and liked her. I got a message back about 2 minutes later. Haven’t responded yet since I wasn’t expecting that.
I’ve seen those as well, but their picture usually has a URL plastered across it. This isn’t that. It’s more like a girl I just wasn’t expecting to hear back from and she looks really familiar. I should see if I can dig her up on OKC, maybe that’s where I’ve seen her.
That’s what I think as well. I think she’s just resetting the app once or twice a day AND liking me. Whether she’s doing it to get my attention (specifically) or I’m just caught in the crossfire, I don’t know. I’m tempted to like her just to see if she’s liking me, but if she’s nuts I don’t really want to go down that road. I’ve been down the crazy road a few times before and IME eventually they get board and stop if you ignore them long enough.
Maybe it’s just my area, but I’ve been noticing a majority of women in their mid-to-late 40s – around my age – have age ranges that resemble those of men, with far more years or even decades down than up. For example, 44/F seeking 30-45/M. Meanwhile, the majority of women that contact me first are in their mid-to-late 50s or early 60s. It’s like in my age range, cougars are the new normal, and the concept of older man/younger woman is completely flipped. (FWIW, my age range is 8 down/6 up; older than that, and I start hitting clusters of crunchy women that look much older than their biological age.)
Can someone explain OKcupid’s percentage of match algorythym to me? I got a message a week or so ago from a man who was all a twitter because we were at 99% match. We have both answered lots of the questions that the system bases its match percentage on and I have not shied away from indicating the match areas that were mandatory for me. I am a nonChristian female who loves dogs and who is seeking a man at least 5"9’ (my height), height/weight appropriate, no older than 62, **within 25 miles **of me. The only area in which this man and I matched was the 25 miles. He was 67, 5’5", 200 lbs, hates dogs, and attends a Christian church regularly. Sure, maybe we matched in some other, much less important areas, like the kind of food we liked or whether we thought Goth chicks were cool or lame. But on the other stuff, no way. What gives?
I knew this thread hadn’t been active in a while, but I didn’t realize it’d been almost 4 months! Oh well… I’m back on the OKCupid scene (again!) and feel like talking about it, if anyone’s still out there…
I haven’t been very active this year, but Saturday morning I decided to update my profile, add a few recent pictures, and see what kind of matches OKC wanted to throw my way. I came across a guy whose self-summary started with a quote by a somewhat obscure musician who I like, and I immediately thought, “I have to message this guy!” The rest of his profile was good, too. He’s cute and definitely works out, and most guys who are cute and work out aren’t interested in fat chicks, but I messaged him anyway. He’s written back twice so far. This may not go anywhere, but it’s the first “lead” I’ve had in a while and I’d forgotten that this part is kind of fun!
In other OKC news, one of the other profiles I saw on Saturday morning seemed interesting but there were a few little things that kept me from messaging the guy. I didn’t bother marking his profile as a favorite, but I made a mental note to consider him again the next time his profile came up in my search results. Later that day I was on Facebook reading the comments on a friend’s status, and THERE WAS THE GUY! He uses the same profile picture on FB and OKC, and I recognized him right away. So I messaged my friend and asked her about him: turns out she met him recently, through OKC! She thinks he’s a good guy but she’s not interested in him romantically*; she thinks he’s interested in her, though. She encouraged me to message him, but I’m not sure! Those few little things are still in my mind, plus it’s kind of weird that he might be interested in my friend. I need to look at his profile again sometime. If I do message him, I’ll definitely be up front about our mutual acquaintance.
*She doesn’t think it’s him: she’s recently divorced, and starting to realize that she might not be interested in anyone yet.
I’m always interested in others experiences, because I just don’t get to see many other peoples perspectives, especially as I don’t have many female friends. I hope things go well for you!
Last month was big for me. I went on my first OKC Date! I put up a profile almost two years ago, but life just got too busy for a long time. I met a woman in town and had a couple of drinks. Had a great time, I think she enjoyed it as well, a good low pressure date. Didn’t really hear back from her after that, oh well. Because I’ve never been on this sort of honest-to-goodness ‘meeting someone I barely know’ date before I learned a lot very fast, and next time I meet someone I’ll do some things differently.
So far I’ve messaged 3 people and got 1 date, I could certainly live with that sort of ratio!
I never share pictures between Facebook and OKC because I don’t want randoms making the connection. It does make getting up to date pictures for your profile annoying. My weirdest experience to date is seeing my old best friend’s sister had made a profile, so I looked up my friend on facebook and :eek: let’s just say she wasn’t exactly representing herself accurately! It made me rather sad.
I use the same profile pictures on both. A good picture is a good picture, plus what harm would it do if some friend-of-a-friend recognized me? Worst case, someone tells a guy that they don’t think we’d be a good match and he shouldn’t message me…what have I lost? I think it’s more likely that the opposite would happen: someone might be on the fence about me after seeing my OKC profile, but if they know someone who knows me they’ll learn that I’m cool and funny (and totally adorable).
I was disappointed to learn that my friend only knew the OKC guy from OKC and that she’d only hung out with him a couple of times: I was hoping they were “real life” friends (or co-workers, or something) and she could tell me more about him.
I’ve seen that happen, without giving out too many details (since I never know who’s watching), there was someone, years ago, that I had been thinking about emailing on Match. I had probably clicked over to her profile, read it and looked at her pictures 4 or 5 times over the course of a month before I realized that she was a friend of a friend (I recognized her because she commented on that person’s . We had even been at a social event together and I didn’t notice her there (and I have noticed OKC people ‘in the wild’ before). Her pictures must have been old and her profile, IMO, just didn’t represent her personality. Glad I never emailed her. When we were finally formally introduced (nothing to do with dating), I really didn’t care much for her. Honestly, she’s a great person, but she’s just totally not for me.
So I found someone on OKCupid whose profile I really liked and we highly rated each other. She mentions that people should message her if they’re interested in going out on dates and talking face-to-face instead of through internet text. I decide to take a chance and suggest we meet for coffee in the first message. She responds back a few hours later, basically saying:
It sounds to me like she’s willing to meet, but wants to swap messages a bit first, which kind of flies in the face of what she said in her profile. What should I say? I want to show her that I’m understanding of her busy schedule, but I also don’t want to appear to be unconfident or pushy. I’ve had a history of letting my some of my SO’s completely dictate the pace and nature of our relationships, and I want to be assertive (but not aggressive) this time.
This may not go anywhere, but it’s the first “lead” I’ve had in a while and I’d forgotten that this part is kind of fun!
Because I’ve never been on this sort of honest-to-goodness ‘meeting someone I barely know’ date before I learned a lot very fast, and next time I meet someone I’ll do some things differently.