1.) I haven’t seen it yet.
2.) I saw it and plan to reply but haven’t had the time yet.
3.) I saw it and am really nervous about replying because I’m interested in you.
4.) I saw it and something in it weirded me out.
Minor nitpick – I didn’t write that question.
Muffin / Mauvaise: all those “M” names look alike.
Ack, sorry, editing fail. The reply window still contained your quoted post, even though I’d already replied to it, and I must have accidentally conflated the two.
Thanks. As long as this board keeps serving up straight lines, I’ll keep knocking them out of the park.
What do you think is going on when someone takes several days to respond to a first message, and then it is just a short “I have been busy, but you look interesting” type of email. I find it hard to believe that people are so busy that an 15 second email is beyond them. I reply politely, but it leaves a bad taste, as I interpret it as “I am not that into you.” Am I being too harsh?
No, I think you’ve nailed it. I’ve been guilty of that myself – if I get an email from someone who seriously looks interesting, I respond asap. If I’m not that interested and I get a follow-up, I reply with “gee, sorry, been so busy…”
Just to clarify, this wasn’t a follow-up email. Unlike some people in this thread, I am too damn stubborn to message more than once. If someone doesn’t reply to that, buh-bye. My situation is that I have had two men lately claim they are too busy to even answer my initial message until several days have gone by, then they suddenly message me out of the blue. Like I said, I then respond to them, but much of my interest is now tempered by thinking either “He isn’t that into me” or “He’s too damn busy to date.”
Are there other possibilities I am not seeing?
I refuse to message more than once as well. If I’m in a conversation with someone and they disappear on me, I’m not going to send more messages asking where they’ve gone. Not playing that game. I’m sure they respond right away to other, more interesting guys and I’m not going to be an afterthought.
I refuse to contact message someone more than once without a reply as well. Rightly or not, I figure if they are interested, they will reply, if not - I’m not going to try to convince them that they should be.
Somehow this got off track, and while it is interesting, it doesn’t answer my question, which is not about messaging someone twice. Let me try again:
What I am asking is what it means if someone doesn’t reply to an initial message for several days, then suddenly does (without further contact from me) several days later. I don’t get that. Either I am interested, in which case I respond within a day, or I am not, in which I either send a polite no or just don’t respond. I don’t understand this waiting several days, then responding to say they are interested. That’s what I am asking about. Does it mean (as I think it does) that they are not really interested? Why bother to reply several days later?
I’d say…it means that you were interesting enough to keep, but not interesting enough to respond to yet. There were bigger fish on the line, but they got away.
This.
To put it in college admission terms: you were the acceptance letter from Fresno State. A week later he got rejected by Stanford, so now he shows up and says “hey! Always loved Fresno!”
Uh, there’s also the distinct possibility that the person in question doesn’t check their messages *that *frequently. Maybe they go poke their heads in once or twice a week or something.
Maybe they got sick.
Maybe their mother got sick and they were extra-busy for a couple of days.
Maybe they’re not deliberately “waiting.” Maybe life just got in the way for a while.
Maybe they were interested, but wanted a few days to think about it. For any number of reasons…a flaw that she saw in you that she needs to decide if she’s okay with or she wants a friend to look at your profile for a second opinion, or anything in between. Getting a reply back a few days later really isn’t something I’d read to far in to.
I have a PFD, a helmet, and a big-ass river knife.
Yeah, I’d agree that getting miffed at not receiving an immediate reply is a bit over-the-top. If I’m actually interested in someone, I’m not going to send a 15-second email, I’m going to send a thought-out, conversational response which will probably take 15-20 minutes to compose. I don’t have that kind of time to devote to a dating site every single day. And rather than sending a one-line response, which is going to sound like a blow-off, I’d rather their first impression of me be as someone who’s articulate and interested enough to actually engage in a real conversation. Because that’s what I would want if our positions were reversed.
If my schedule is truly crazy and I don’t expect to have the time for a thoughtful reply for a week or more, only then do I send the 15-second response, and hope they believe me when I say I’m not blowing them off. If they don’t, oh well, I guess. Can’t really do anything about the fact that I have obligations outside of this one website.
Remember that these are people who (one should hope) have a Real Life outside of whatever dating website you’re on.
Since so many people were sharing their OKC experiences, as comic relief, I wanted to share this profile I received in Quickmatch (no, this is not my profile). I literally LOL when I read it!
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/wplipschitz
And yes, I’m one of those people who only checks the dating websites every few days; so if someone sends me a message on Monday, I may not actually see it until Thursday. Or, I may see it on Thursday, but not have time to sit down and type a thoughtful response until Saturday. It’s nothing personal, Brynda!
That’s the competition, eh? At least I didn’t show up on his “similar users” list. But someone please tell me I’m getting more messages than he is.