That’s hilarious. Particularly since I show up as 0% match and 89% enemy with this profile. That’s pretty impressive.
On a more serious note, from the “how the hell do I handle this” department: this guy who I blocked on OKC for being creepy and overbearing (and it honestly takes quite a bit for me to go to the trouble of blocking someone), actually showed up at a community event last night. He was still overbearing: he asked me out, I said no, he kept hitting on me. While he doesn’t seem overtly dangerous or anything, the only thing he seems to be interested in is sex, and that’s some kind of huge turn-off. Having a Life is kind of a pre-requisite with me.
I’m not sure if he made the connection to my OKC profile – I didn’t, at first, make the connection to his. But the long and short of it is, I’m probably going to be seeing him around at these community events on a monthly or so basis; and he is, apparently, waiting for me to “become single” again so he can “pounce” on me (his words, seriously, even though I made my current status clear to him, which would imply to a smart person that I’m not interested in him in any circumstances).
Anyway, not like once a month is that big a deal, but I don’t want to have to fend him off every single time I attend this event. I’ve remained polite so far, though I suppose not-polite is an option, if necessary. Perhaps I’m overthinking this, and he’ll eventually figure out that my lack of reciprocity really does mean I’m not interested – although that also presumes that he didn’t realize that I’ve already ignored him (online) once already.
Basically, he’s doing the asshole thing of not respecting my “No,” twice over, now. I’m not sure if this is going to mean an escalation before he gets it, or not.
That sucks, Kaio. I hope you are overthinking it. But, if not, do you know other people who go to these events that might be able to have a talk with him and let him know that what he is doing is not ok and that he needs to leave you alone? I just thought that might be an option to go along with not being polite.
That’s kind of what I was thinking. Maybe you could send a letter (anonymous or not) to the organizer telling him what this guy has been doing. You might even see if he’s bothering other people as well. If enough people send an email to the organizer telling them they need to tell this guy to cool it, they’ll probably do it.
I organize a group that meets socially several times a month and found out from a member that one attendee was systematically hitting on all the new women pretty hard. He also wasn’t letting them know up front that he was married.
As an event organizer, you can sometimes be oblivious to this stuff - you are too busy trying to check on all the other details. But once I knew what was going on, I made a point to pay attention myself and was able to address it.
I much prefer to rid my group of the leeches and appreciate the heads up.
Yes, you’re being too harsh. Plenty of people don’t check their messages every two seconds. Others only have time to pop in and check quickly–so when they do, they might not have time to write a full reply for another day or two, or only have time to send a quick acknowledgement.
Stop being polite. He’s a creeper, and he is sexually harassing you. Stop being nice, start getting very loud with your refusals, and have a very firm talk with the organizer of the events about getting this fuckshit uninvited.
Oh, believe me, had I realized it was the same guy I wouldn’t have been polite. Unfortunately I ignore enough creepy guys online that I pretty much just forget about them after I hit the delete key. I didn’t make the connection until well after the fact. I was already home and it was too late to do anything. As it was, as soon as I said no and it became clear he wasn’t going to shut up about it even-so, I disengaged pretty quickly (I was already on the way to my car anyway).
In any case, I don’t expect to run into him often, or anything. He may not be there next month – or hell, I may not be (I only go if the topic is interesting to me – and it’s likely I’ll be on a film shoot that day). If he’s a problem I can get a little extra loud with the “no means no” speech, and hope public humiliation is enough (it’s a kink community event, though, so who knows). In any case, it will alert those nearby that he’s being a dick, and particularly in the kink community, non-consensual or predatory behavior is Really Not Cool.
I just hate being forced into uncomfortable situations, you know?
And thanks for the thoughts – if public humiliation is, in fact, not enough, then yeah, I can talk to the staff. That actually hadn’t occurred to me.
Since it’s a kink community thing, *definitely *get loudly vocal with your refusals. If he isn’t immediately put off by it, you’ll at least get the added protection of everyone else shunning the ass.
Ok, here’s my OKC issue…I spoke with a guy by phone 3 times during the first week of May and have not since had a phone call from him, message or any kind of contact, but he visits my page daily. Do you think that’s weird?
This is where I’d suggest either emailing him something to get the conversation going again “Hey, you said you liked…, do you like… too?” or, if you are totally sure it’s “his turn” to call, send an email along the lines of “It was nice talking to you last month, if you’re still interested feel free to give me a call.” There’s the chance he didn’t feel like you wanted him to call. He could be checking your page everyday to keep himself visible to you.
Y’know, except all those women who actually just want casual sex. (Hey, they do exist.) So if that’s all you want, don’t lie and say you’re looking for dating or an LTR. Because that just makes you a lying asshole.
Unless it’s somebody who hates fatties, too. And if you’re the kind of person who hates on fatties in your profile, you’d probably be best off hooking up with someone of the same opinion.
Again, if this is what you’re actually like, please advertise it. There are women who enjoy that kind of thing who’d love to meet you, and women like me who’d love to be forewarned to stay the hell away.
Yet again, all of my advice seems to boil down to “be yourself.” If you start presenting an inaccurate self-portrait, you’re not going to attract the people who’d be into you, and the people you do attract will end up disappointed and lose interest.
This reminds me of one profile where a girl said “And BTW, I don’t care how long you’ve known her, I’ll never believe you aren’t more then just friends” my first thought was to email her and either tell her she’s being a nasty bitch for saying that, or telling her she might attract more guys if she took that line out. Then I changed my mind. Ya know what, there will be a guy out there who’ll have no problem not talking to women or cutting ties with any female friends he has to be with her. I guess it’s better to know what you’re getting at right out of the gate, then finding out 3 months later that she feels this way.
I blocked her, not someone I even wanted to even contact by accident. Now that I think about it, I wish I had blocked her from contact as well. I’d hate to have her email me, since if she took that line out, I’d have no idea who it was.
Yes, the more “I’m fucking crazy” ward-offs someone includes in their profile, the better. And, of course, as de gustibus non disputandum est, one person’s Do Not Approach Within 100 Meters is the next one’s Hell Yes I’m Gonna Hit That.
The thing about “No fatties!” is that many people are thinking it but most of them aren’t jerkish enough to put it on their profile. I’m unwilling to date someone who is very overweight, am I painting an inaccurate portrait of myself by not mentioning this on my profile?
I think the biggest distinction is in how you phrase it. Something like “I like to keep fit, and would prefer to date someone else who feels the same way” would probably attract the people you’re interested in, while “No fatties” is going to restrict you to people who not only don’t want to date fat people, but are probably actively disgusted by them.
You can make your point while being tactful, I guess is what I’m saying.
