OTOH, There’s A LOT, of people I’ve passed by because I saw something in their profile that made me say “No way, no how.” From what I wrote above to awful spelling and grammar and everything in between. We’ve all seen it. But then I wonder, how many of those people could have have spent the rest of my life with in perfect bliss, but I blew them off because of something in their profile that wasn’t the real them. For example. If you’re profile talks about how you love to go out partying and drinking till the wee hour of the morning, I’m probably going to pass you by, it’s just not my thing. But IRL if what you meant by that is that you love to do that…once in a while, well that’s different. It’s tough to write a profile and make sure you not only capture all the important stuff, but at the same time don’t spend so much space on one thing that we think that’s all your about.
Regarding the No Fatties thing. Yeah, don’t say that. If you don’t want to date over weight people that’s fine. Just don’t email them and don’t respond when they email you. Sure, a lot of people may be thinking the same thing, but the ones who put it in their profile are jackasses. It’s like when a group of friends are together and someone makes some sort of nasty/off color/rude remark and then says “What? Everything was thinking the same thing” “Yeah, but it was you that felt the need to say it out loud”
I’m interested in that answer myself. Not so much for the weight thing (I’m not overweight) but for certain aspects where I’m looking for someone that’s better then me. For example, I’d love to dating someone that could give me some guidance on what to wear to certain events. I have no idea if Khaki’s and a polo shirt are appropriate for a specific restaurant or if I can wear these clothes to a wedding. But I don’t want to say “I need someone that can pick my clothes out for me” or “I have no sense of fashion, I hope you can help me”.
What if you’re a jackass who wants to date a fellow jackass?
“Hypocrite seeks Kate Moss honey to be forever lost in his vast sea of man-boobs.”
Personally, I’d put in something about consideration for your appearance and self-confidence in it. A fat guy who likes who he is can be more attractive to me than a relatively thin one who hates himself. Plus, good clothes can cover a multitude of physical imperfections.
Or just turn down the women you find unattractive. Post-screening works, too.
Hrm. I wonder if that’s even the kind of thing you could work into a profile, or if it would just have to come up once you start dating. Maybe something about how you’re looking for someone complementary, who’s knowlegeable in areas where you’re less experienced? I got nothin’. Hrm, a tongue-in-cheek self-deprecatory comment about your fashion sense could maybe work, too.
“I appreciate a girl with a sense of fashion, something I’m sorely lacking.” I know you don’t want to say something like that but it doesn’t sound bad to me.
Then go for it. If your a the type of person who would put that in their profile, you’ll attract the type of girl (or guy) that is errr, I lost my train of thought. How about this. If you put douche bag type stuff in your profile, you’ll attract the type of girls that are attracted to douche bags. Which in the end is probably what you’re looking for anyways.
I know your just making joke here, but this has always bugged me. Just because you want to date someone that weighs less then you, doesn’t make you a hypocrite.
That’s my advice, there’s a reason these sites have pictures. Just check them. If you’re really worried, stay away from people that only have pictures of their face. It’s pretty easy to hide being over weight when you don’t have a picture of their whole body.
That could work (knowledgeable where I’m not), but I’m not a ‘fixer-upper’ and really really don’t want to come across as one. Saying I want someone to teach my how to water ski or play poker is one thing, saying I need help getting dressed sounds kinda needy…I’m not needy. I’'ll probably just leave that to the luck of the draw. If their only flaw is that they aren’t a great dresser, that’s fine. But the last girl I dated, her sense of fashion* was one of the reason we didn’t work out.
*I was going to go into her fashion sense here, but I changed my mind. She wasn’t a bad dresser and we only dated for a few weeks but I got the sense she wouldn’t know how to dress appropriately. I kept imagining going out to dinner with her for something like my moms birthday and having her there with a t-shirt cut down the middle so she’d have lots of cleavage. Great for the bar, notsomuch for a $70 per plate restaurant.
Well…I’m not sorely lacking in that department. It’s not that I get to work with my shoes tied together and my pants wrapped around my neck.
Hell, I could just use the first part, just someone that knows how to dress up is nice. I just need to be able to look at my SO and say “Do you think I can wear khaki’s to this?..No, what about my black pants and a polo? A tie? I don’t want to wear a tie? Fine, whatever, but I’m going to have to ask your dad to tie it for me when we get there”
Now that I think about it though, most girls have several pictures and IME at least some of them show them dressed up, that more or less tells me what I need to know. There’s one girl I’m hoping to get an email back from [but it’s looking kind of bleak at this point] that has several fun/going out type pictures but one picture that shows her in kind of a dress casual setting. I showed her to my friend and said "Look at her, I love this, she can look like this when she goes out to a bar, but then she can look like this at a nice restaurant’ and the fact that her shirt was exactly the same color as her eyes said something her fashion sense. But I’m still trying to be careful, I’m also not looking to date someone that needs to get a new Coach purse every 2 months, and has few clothes without designer labels. Been there, did it for 11 years. It’s expensive.
Yup, that’s more or less my point. If you’re the type of person who’d even contemplate putting “no fatties” in your profile, you’re almost certainly the type to make similar comments in person. In which case, you’re better off just getting it out there and pre-screening anyone who’d be horrified by your attitude.
Agreed. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. It’s no more wrong to be a fat person who wants to date thin people than it is to be a thin person who wants to date fat people. Which isn’t to say it can’t be hypocritical–e.g., if two people start a relationship thin and then both get fat, but one person gets mad at their partner while seeing nothing wrong with their own weight gain, that would be a problem.
Oh, and AClockworkMelon, a serious reply: You could simply specify that you, say, prefer women with a slim or athletic build, or however you’d like to phrase exactly what it is you’re looking for. Make it about what you like (more slender) rather than what you don’t (fatties).
Of course, as observed here, there’s no guarantee they’re accurate or current.
Weighing less than I do is a good rule of thumb that I use. I don’t think it makes me a hypocrite, either. I can’t help what I’m attracted to. I might as well be a hypocrite because I don’t want my girlfriend to fuck me with a strap-on.
This is what I’ve been doing so far.
Got a question in regards to this, actually. There have been a few instances where I’ve been talking to girls who had really adorable face shots uploaded and after I saw full body pictures my interest completely vanished (yeah, I guess I’m just a shallow asshole- band name!). How do you guys handle situations like this? I always try to sort of keep up the conversation for a bit so that radio silence doesn’t come immediately after receiving the picture. I mean, I’m sure they really know what the reason is anyway but it’s a politeness thing from my end. I’d rather not be a douche.
Also, if you word it carefully, you’ll be fine. I’ve known in person (and seen online) plenty of girls that use their workout time as their time for blowing off steam. A lot of these girls are more then happy to be doing this without their SO. To that end, I think finding someone who’s willing to work out without you will help weed out the super needy ones that have to do everything single thing together.
Yes, but Joey P here doesn’t seem to be, which is the important bit.
You won’t let your girlfriend fuck you with a strap-on? Ugh, you disgust me, you hypocrite.
IMO, anyone who says they give absolutely no consideration to physical appearance is (a) a liar, (b) completely asexual, or (c) no, seriously, a liar. For many/most of us, sex is an important part of our relationships, and it doesn’t matter how much we like someone as a person if we don’t have any interest in fuckin’ 'em.
Eh, that sounds like it’s heading towards “stringing her along” territory. Of course, if you were getting along up to that point, she might be good *friend *material. So maybe you could try to push things in that direction instead?
I learned that right after trying to have a relationship with a self-admitted asexual. Nope, doesn’t work for me. A relationship without sex is at best a friendship and at worst a hollow soul-sucking shell. I’ve been on both ends.
In spite of the danger of stringing along, I think it is an act of kindness to have a few emails of buffer between when the picture is sent and a declaration of lack of interest. Both actions are guaranteed to garner disappointment; an immediate rejection after sending a picture is a bigger blow.
I’ve always avoided the issue entirely by never officially searching for an SO online. So it’s always been a friend -> I’m interested upgrade, versus an I’m interested -> friend or nada downgrade.
[ul]
[li]Make it clear that I’m also cool with making friends[/li][li]Make it clear that I’m realistic and “friends” is the uppermost of what I expect from a face-to-face meeting (though I’m willing to be pleasantly surprised)[/li][li]Don’t commit myself to a “boy, you’re hot and I want to see you naked” prior to meeting in person[/li][li]Make it clear that I flirt with friends, too, which is not only true, but covers my ass in the initial messaging stage[/li][li]I also refrain from flirting a lot[/li][/ul]
So in your case, if we were getting along personality-wise, I’d continue anyway, meet them, and see what happens. I’ve made friends this way, and that’s cool with me. Of course, if you’re not open to continuing on as friends if there’s no chemistry, then this isn’t something that’s going to work for you, and I don’t know what exactly to suggest.
Most people I’ve gotten on well enough with to consider meeting in person have similarly realistic expectations, btw, and I’ve never had anyone pitch a fit if we meet and there’s no spark there.
Same here. Of course, it occasionally bites me in the ass if there’s little chance of reciprocation. I may be interested, but it won’t go anywhere, but we’re still friends, so we keep on as we are.
