I am sexy as hell in a business suit, thank you.
They base it on who messages who. 41% of people who claim they’re bisexual send messages to men only, 36% send messages to women only, and 23% send messages to both men and women.
That they’re watching who sends messages to who raises an eyebrow, but given that they’re just looking at aggregates I doubt they really care about or are looking at actual content.
Oh, they make ties in dogpuncher size now, do they? 
Retarded, meaningless statistic, then. (Well, inconclusive, anyway.)
Now I have to get a custom tie made with that picture on it, cropped to my fist and the pup’s head. First impressions matter, donchaknow.
Just read some of the comments, and you’ll see why their conclusions are false. “I’m not really bisexual” isn’t the only reason someone may be looking primarily at one sex or the other. I doubt it’s even the most common reason.
If it makes you feel better, sex is also really important to me. I have a higher-than-average sex drive. I don’t say that anywhere in my profile; and honestly if someone introduces himself by asking really personal questions about my sexual habits he doesn’t get a response. On the other hand, if the first meeting is going well, and is becoming something other than entirely platonic, the topic comes up. Invariably. I’ve never had it not come up. You’ll get your chance to say it. It just doesn’t need to be the first thing you say.
It’s homebrew, right? Emphasize that. (And if you make mead I’d totally message you. 
)
All of these are interesting. Talk about them. Preferably not just a list – tell us if you’re pleased at how much your accuracy has improved in archery, tell us that you’re halfway through making an entire costume for yourself, tell us you just mastered the fine art of gruel, whatever.
There may be trends, but there are no rules. I am not inundated by email. In fact, I rarely get any, and except for one guy who subsequently disappeared (which was fine, the whole thing was pretty lukewarm), no one who’s initiated has ever committed to actually meeting me in person – they usually are the first to suggest meeting, but when I get specific “How about event, day, time?” suddenly they’re sooooo busy, or they don’t respond at all. If I want an actual meeting, I have to start things myself. I’ve had good luck with that… if they respond to my message, I’ve always managed an in-person meet.
BTW, what the hell is that? If you don’t want to meet me, why in fuck suggest that we should meet? It really annoys me to have my time wasted like that. (Yes, I know that’s pretty much part of the deal with the interwebz. The logic of it just entirely escapes me.)
Really, sex is implicit. It’s more unusual to be looking just for friends or a platonic relationship on dating sites, and that’s what merits mentioning.
Omigoddoitnow.
There are people looking for romantic relationships that don’t involve sex, though, and also people who will expect their romantic relationships to involve sex, but it’s not an *important *part. IMO, these are important distinctions to make.
Well, I cancelled Eharmony two months ago and just signed up for Match - I figure there’s a fresh batch of men there. I’ve had quite a few men indicate that they are “Interested”; some have sent me “Winks”; some have added me to their “Favorites” list; and some have sent me brief emails that say, more or less, “I’d like to get to know you better, let me know if you want to chat.”
I’m a bit underwhelmed by their enthusiasm. How am I supposed to respond to these lukewarm advances? Am I supposed to take the lead? Are they too shy to be assertive and so I’m supposed to be the one who initiates? I’m old fashioned and I think the man should take the lead, but I"m not sure if I’m not showing enough enthusiasm to get them to speak up. On the other hand, if what I hear about men greatly outnumbering women on these sites is true, if a guy is not assertive enough to show some enthusiasm to pique my interest, is it worth my time? What am I doing wrong?
Just a weird little update from eHarmony Land… since I’m an eH success story, I let my subscription lapse. At one point, I got a chance to fill out a form saying why I was leaving, which included the reason “I found a match” – which lead to a request to use my info, and my match’s info, in their promotional material. I declined.
So now eH thinks that I’ve decided to become a hermit – that I’ve renounced Love and Women. They send me whiny emails suggesting ways that I can increase my chances of finding a match, and begging me to return so they can help me find my true love.
Whatever, dudes.
IMO, anybody who doesn’t send you a message of at least a few lines is just blanket-contacting every woman they’re vaguely interested in. I wouldn’t feel any particular push to respond.
I’m not on Match, but OKC has the same “wink” system. I hate it. Either man up and send me an email or don’t, but I’m just not going to reply if all you do is send me a “wink”. Sorry, to me that says you wink at everyone you find remotely attractive hoping that the law of averages will net you some replies (kind of like throwing chum in the water).
Just how assertive can a guy be when writing an e-mail to a complete stranger?
“Put on your red dress, toots, we’re going dancing.”
He can start a conversation.
“Hey, I love Doctor Who too! Who’s your favorite Doctor? I’m a fan of David Tennant, although Matt Smith might win me over eventually.”
That took me literally 30 seconds to write, and such a thing gives me 1> an idea who you are and 2> something to actually respond to. If I’m not worth even that much effort, why should I presume that he’d be any more invested in a relationship?
When I initiate, I make an effort too (and in fact, way more than 30 seconds worth), so I’m asking for nothing I’m not willing to give, and I just have zero interest in finding myself in an interaction where I’m the only one who gives a shit. I don’t go in for one-sided relationships.
Genuine effort, and respect, are really the least I should be expecting. That’s not an incredibly high standard.
**Divinne **- it kind of sounds like you are getting the lifers who have been beaten back so many times, they just make a low-key effort to see if there’s anything to fish.
I will say this - don’t be old-fashioned and wait for the guy to take the lead. This is your life, why let it depend on someone’s action?
Personally, I had the best responses when I “did unto others as I wished they would do to me” and wrote them the kind of emails Kaio just suggested.
The way I figured it, signing up for a dating site and then sitting back to wait for the guys to email me was the equivalent of going to a dance and then sitting at the bar drinking my pink lady, with the guys wondering if I was interested or not. Only, on a dating site, i was paying a monthly cover charge!
So get out on the dance floor and dance - throw propriety to the wind and send out a few emails. Smile at a few people and enjoy yourself. Good luck!
Exactly. I don’t expect, or even necessarily want a massive multi-paragraph missive as an introduction, but neither do I want a “wink”. I want something that shows you at least skimmed my profile, so pick one thing and comment on it in a few short sentences.
1.) There’s not anything “old-fashioned” about it unless you’re doing it *because *you’re a woman and he’s a man and That’s the Way It Works. Personally, I prefer for the guy to take the lead because I’m me, and that’s how *I *work.
2.) If somebody, male or female, prefers for their partner to take the lead in the relationship, they aren’t *necessarily *going to find a compatible person by taking the lead in reaching out. It will certainly increase the pool of available people, but it will *also *end up including people who, like them, prefer the other person to be the leading/dominant partner.
3.) That said, taking the lead early on, e.g. by being the first one to make contact, doesn’t necessarily set the dynamic for the rest of the relationship, either.
Based on what I’ve seen about you and how you work, I’d expect you wouldn’t give the guy any choice. “Hey. We’re dating now. I better see flowers on my desk at work tomorrow, bub.” “…Buh?”
People are surprising like that.
That’s the problem. I’m a very assertive person and I do tend to “take the reins”. What I have found, however, is that my strong personality attracts men who are…the opposite of assertive. I have had to extricate myself from several relationships with men who came to expect me to take over most aspects of our lives, and I DON’T want that anymore.
I don’t respect a man who lets me walk all over him and is passive-aggressive about it - I want to meet a man who can go toe-to-toe with me. So, I am actively restraining myself from taking the lead. Now, I have sent positive responses to those men who have “Winked” etc. at me, to try to encourage them to come forward; and I’m still getting those lukewarm responses. I’m so tempted to take charge and pursue, but that’s exactly what I am trying to avoid.
That being said, I have indeed taken the initiative to contact some gentlemen who appear interesting to me, but I’m being reserved about it as I don’t want to overdo it.
One of the most annoying things, though, is to spend two or three weeks emailing back and forth and then he does not suggest meeting. If you’re not interested in meeting, just SAY SO! Stop emailing me and just say that it’s not working. At some point, you have to meet in person to find out if there’s chemistry. If you’re not interested enough to meet, stop wasting my time; and if you are interested, GET THE LEAD OUT!
You need to very slightly reword this (change “I don’t respect” to “I’m not looking for”) and put it in your profile. Seriously. There are plenty of guys who would much prefer to hand the reins over to the woman. Even if they don’t admit it, they know who they are and this kind of statement will keep them out of your sights…at least a good chunk of them.
And don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women who are looking for a man that will hand the reins over to them…there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s who you are.
I guess I need some help, or just want to find out if what’s happening is normal. I’ve joined both OkCupid and Match. I’ve emailed 20-25 different people in the last month or so. So far I’ve gotten four replies. Two of them said not interested, that’s fine at least I know now and I even sent them a quick note saying thanks for the response. The other two emailed me once or twice and that was it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t say anything bad, just asked a few general questions and answered what they asked.
So what’s up with the non responses? How hard can it be to say no thanks? What I normally try and write is hey how’s it going. Then I’ll ask a couple of questions about what they like right from their profile. If I’ve been to a place they’ve been, like Croatia, I’ll ask what did they like about it.
So what am I supposed to write? I thought you were supposed to ask a question or two and say something about their profile, which is what I’ve done. I keep it short, I even counted the words and it was around 200 or less for all of them. I spell check and everything. Is this normal to just not get anything back? Or am I writing the wrong things?