“Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”
Really? I’ve always done this, with guys and girls and it somehow comes off really well. Usually if I just start talking I make an ass of myself and come off very harsh and severe, whereas if I just start talking as if we already know each other, it makes the other person laugh and loosen up.
Joey, my Comcast cut out last night (curses!) but I also wanted to make sure that you were still considering nonsmokers as well. My mom was a pack a day smoker and my dad was firmly not - and my dad got my mom to quit several months into their relationship.
Also, you’re absolutely right about photos. Yes, some people take hideously awful photos (my mom looks almost nothing like herself or her personality - unless you get her to laugh) where they look like they’re taking a dump onscreen, but everyone else comes across fairly honestly in pictures. Looking closely shows you the whole picture. Most photos of me showcase me as I am - cynical, humorous, with a mischievous twinkle in my eye. Even in pictures from college where I am drinking and partying and grinning, I do not look like I am in my element or even fully enjoying myself doing what I’m doing. I literally gasped when I saw the photo my future MIL chose - she was half smiling, because neither she not my SO smile unless you make them laugh - but even though her skin and hair is fabulous for 50, you can see the pain in her eyes from her divorce, that he cheated, single motherhood and her rocky relationship with her son, my SO…still, after all these years. It was shocking and incredible to me.
Hm. You’re right. The perfect woman would go for that.
The photo thing is totally true, too. I put a lot of stock in people’s photos, not just to get an idea of how attractive they are, but how much investment they put into getting a good picture, what they prefer to wear, where they take the photo, how they take the photo, so on and so forth. I came across one profile that more or less interested me, but not a single photo was straightforward. Either it was excessively goofy or 2/3 of her face was hidden in what probably was intended to be a coy fashion, but it wound up just turning me off. I’m really not interested in someone who’s either that shy or really likes to play peekaboo games. Conversely, the woman I got all agitated about last night has a picture that’s just her face and shoulders, but grabbed my attention harder than a faceful of cleavage ever could.
Well the woman that had taken her profile down actually told me so. She also picked up right where we left off, which is good too. Now I just have to ask her out.
Good luck!
I’ll consider anyone. In fact, here’s a quote from my profile "Also, yes, I do smoke, but I’m not a heavy smoker, I don’t have to ‘step outside’ every 10 minutes, my clothes don’t smell, I don’t smoke in my car, I typically don’t smoke around non-smokers unless they’re okay with it. A pack usually lasts me several days (2 maybe 3 packs a week not counting when I’m at a bar drinking). If you don’t like smoking that’s okay, I’ll keep it to a minimum around you, all I ask is that I don’t have to be a double secret closet smoker, I’ve done that, I don’t like feeling like I have to sneak around. I know a lot of people won’t date a smoker, if you’re one of them, maybe you’ll still give me a chance. "
It’s that closet smoker part that’s important to me. I’m truly okay with keeping it to a minimum around someone else, but I refuse to go into hiding. I hated having to find a stupid excuse to go to the store so I could have a cigarette. I hated going out to my car in the morning to find my cigarettes replaced with a note, I hated being at a bar with all my friends and watching them suck down cigarettes while I just sat there with my (ex) wife. I refuse to do that again.
I fully realize it’s too much to ask of anyone, but sometimes I’d like people who intend to reject me actually say why, even if it’s just a ‘check all that apply’ form letter. “Don’t like your interests,” “too unattractive,” “outside my age range,” etc. Give me some insight, darnit!
I think on eHarmony (which IIRC operates very differently then most other dating sites) asks you to pick a reason when you close a match.
90% of the time, the answer I’d give is “What I explicitly state I want/need is absolutely polar opposite of what you explicitly state you want/need. Did you even read my profile? Or even the first paragraph?”
I also didn’t bother to respond to “I’m looking for anal sex” guy. Good luck with that technique, bro. I’m looking for an emotionally fulfilling relationship with a human being, meself. 
I have no idea why this is. When I changed my profile to explicitly state that I’m not poly (in the very first paragraph), one of the first responses I got was from a guy who was explicitly looking to form a harem. No, I’m not kidding. WTF?
I really don’t envy women. You’ve got to deal with all the oddball guys.
Yeah, well, we’ve got to compete with all the oddball guys.
Take Kaio’s harem guy, for example. Here’s one guy who’s trying to take multiple women off the market. If nothing else, it screws up the numbers; there will be that many fewer women to go around for the rest of us.
Maybe, maybe not. Who’s to say that the women who would be interested in a harem situation would be happy in a traditional monogamous relationship?
Every so often I briefly get downhearted about the idea that two lesbians hooking up means there’s two less women in the world to date. Then my rational brain smacks me for being an idiot, because those women were never datable anyway.
And frankly, if a guy can pull off a willing harem, I have to salute him, because something about him is awesome, even if it’s coated in sleaze.
Yes, for all that I hear about what jerks guys can be (sending pictures of their genitalia and whatnot), my pragmatic side tells me they wouldn’t do it if it didn’t occasionally work.
X Thickneck Dogpuncher
<3
They used to, 6 months ago, but dropped that recently.
I’d like to think that some of the responses I don’t get are because the other person is too shy and intimidated by my awesomeness to talk to me. I’m still out in the cold, but at least it’d be a bit of an ego boost.
@jsc1953:
My WAG is that most people, even when they *think *they want to hear why someone isn’t interested in them, really don’t when they see it in practice.
Damn your sniping ways, BT! :fistshake:
Yeah, I work hard at not treating constructive criticism about myself as an actual insult, but it’s understandably very hard not to.
I need to get a full-body picture up on OKC. I want people to tell me I’m too fat to be attractive, so I know if I should speed up my weight loss or if I’m good at the rate I’m going now.
I can just tell you you’re too fat to be attractive, if you like. You are. I’ve never seen you or anything. But you type fatly.
Meanwhile, I got a message last night from a self-proclaimed lesbian (and the profile says gay) that was all like “oh shit, I’m into you. What do I do now?” I am not a woman.
So that hostile takeover is complete. The internet answers to me now. Is there somebody I can call about this?
Penthouse would probably be interested.