Just general statement and adding to what I thought pricciar was saying.
Here’s me.
Very few men include “a few extra pounds”/“overweight” in their search criteria, therefore those of us who are honest wind up not being seen much. I can understand why someone else would just say “average” and let her pictures speak for herself, but I’d never do it: I figure that the men who filter out “overweight” do so for a reason. That said, claiming to be “average” and having misleading pictures would be completely indefensible.
You can always just leave it blank. I think it’s a stupid question, so I didn’t answer it. I didn’t answer the “things I can’t live without” question, either, also because I think it’s stupid.
Howcome you left the “kids” thing blank? I get why people will sometimes leave the “job” or “income” (or “religion,” etc.) categories blank, but when someone leaves “kids” blank it’s always a red flag to me. Why wouldn’t you want people to know how you feel about kids?
Same question, but about the “education” thing. Makes me think you didn’t finish high school, or something.
The female equivalent of this that I see on what seems like every other profile is the tendency for very overweight women to select “curvy” for that question.
I tend to over-think my profile. I left “income” blank to sort of blunt my being unemployed. I’m hoping that women who would otherwise see “unemployed” and pass on might give my profile a second thought. But then, I thought to myself, “It would be really weird if everything else on my profile was filled out except for that so I’ll just blank out some of these other things…” and there went education, drinking, drugs and smoking. 
You all are much better at this profile thing than I am. But, in my defense, I do have my OkCupid “looking for” section checked for friends and activity partners.
I think I need to hire a ghost writer for my life. 
The “female equivalent” of what? I was talking about females! 
And picking “curvy” is just the same as picking “average”: they’re probably not deluding themselves so much as trying to make sure they wind up in any search results.
Ok, I guess I get that. But I see those sidebar items as pieces of simple factual information, and when someone leaves any of them blank I assume the worst. Even “income” has a “rather not say” option, instead of just leaving it blank. Those blanks make me think you’re a high school dropout who drinks a lot and smokes both cigarettes and pot. And since I already know you’re unemployed (from your profile admission), the blanks would make me think those things even more. Not that those are necessarily bad things – those assumptions might be true, and might make someone else more inclined to write to you – but when you leave them up to the reader’s imagination you take your chances. Know what I mean? You might be ok with that, it’s just the only thing I saw that would make me not write to you (if I liked everything else).
I’m not a guy, but FWIW I like your profile! I laughed out loud at the “I have an addiction to parenthetical asides and ellipses” bit: I’ve included similar statements in various verions of my own profile (though I usually call it a “problem”).
Curious about this because I see it quite a bit. Do you put that because you’re genuinely looking for friends and activity partners or because you’re hoping to find friends and activity partners who become romantic interests?
That reminds me of an old profile I had. I was trying to be sarcastically funny all the time back then. Oddly enough, I actually got a few emails out of it, despite being so over the top.
About Me: I’m a 50 year old divorced male who’s been married four times and has 5 kids. And if you believe that, you might want to come back when you’ve picked up a sense of humor. Actually, this online thing is a last resort. Maybe I can find a girl on here who isn’t so boring. I mean, why does it seem like every hot girl thinks that her beauty is enough, and refuses to develop a personality?
About You: I’m looking for a borderline psychotic drug addict with self-esteem issues. preferably someone who has no sense of self or moral center. at the very least, i want someone who is ‘confused’ about what they want from life and really just needs a while to ‘sort things out.’ my dream is that i can find someone who will develop an irrational attachment to me, call me all of the time, (filling my entire Caller ID log with their number in under an hour is especially attractive), and declare their undying love for me on our third date.
For me, it’s because I’m truly hoping to find new friends (locally), or perhaps someone or two I can play tennis with on a regular basis. At least from OkCupid. In the past, I haven’t had the best experience with the kind of men I’d “meet” through this site (I don’t care of you’re poly or not - if you’re in a relationship, I’m not interested; what is up with that?).
I wouldn’t be opposed to meeting someone through this site, but I don’t want to advertise my availability. If that makes sense?
I guess.
You must be one gorgeous man.
I think there are ways to put stuff like that in your profile that is honest, but still positive.
Instead of “don’t like to travel” - put something - “I really love spending time at home or around town. Love discovering what the local life has to offer. Not a big traveller myself - but don’t mind hearing about the travels other people take.”
You’re still getting the point across - but you are making it clear that it’s cool if they like to travel - just you won’t be going with them.
There are a number of reasons why you mght consider sending someone a second email, but I would assume that your chances of a response the second time around are even less than the first. Not that I’m discouraging you to try, just cautioning you not to be more hopeful that “the second time’s the charm.”
Sometimes, I think you could respond to a profile with just a specific question - just an ice breaker. Not this long paragraph about why you are interested. I’ve had some good luck with questions like:
“I see you’ve read a lot of Tom Clancy novels. I was thinking about checking his books out - can you recommend a good one to start with?”
By leaving it at that - you can sometimes get their attention more because it’s a less intimidating interaction than most they might be getting. And then you can at least start a tacit friendship and go from there. Just a thought.
As for body types and descriptors:
Hear me now. I’m fat. (I’m also fabulous - so whatever.)
When I would fill out profiles, I would put curvy and I would pick overweight - whatever was the most honest. And I would put in my profile that I was fat & fabu or fluffy & fabu and then move on. And I would have realistic pictures in my profiles, although the most flattering realistic pics I could find.
Being defiantly honest about my body type has never prevented me from meeting & dating nice guys. So ladies and men, if you think posting old pics or no pics or selecting a more flattering body type will somehow find you better matches - CUT THE CRAP. It’s not just about what size you are, it’s about accepting your size, embracing it, and being honest about it. Seriously, the honesty is just as important as anything else.
It’s not about finding more matches, it’s about finding the right match. Someone who loves you as you are. Forget about the quantity, go for the quality.
That being said - guys - stop harping on a girl’s weight. I hear you guys mentioning this over and over and over again ad nauseum. No wonder girls are afraid to be honest about it - y’all can be pretty cruel. Just like some of you want a girl to look beyond the fact that you are unemployed, or going bald, or have bad teeth or growing hair out of your ears or other places. We are all flawed.
Let’s not constantly be focusing on what we think is wrong with other people, or ourselves, but what connections we can have and what good things about each other are worth sharing.
I’m loving all that you have been saying. I think this thread is going to be great and I’d love to see it keep on going. Thanks to everyone for participating in this thread!
I’ve read maybe 75% of the posts in this thread but I haven’t seen any guys do what you’re describing. In fact, I posted what I did in response to someone who was talking about how common it was for men to lie about their weight.
And, conversely, gals, stop harping on a man’s height.
Anyway. It’s like pissing in a violin. When a man put restrictions on a woman’s weight, he’s a disgusting weightist chauvinistic pig. When a woman puts restrictions on a man’s height, she’s a *sistah who’s empowering herself *!!11!1!!1
I don’t understand your complaint. Poly guys were contacting you, and it bothered you because they were supposed to know that you aren’t interested in poly guys? I didn’t do a literary critique of your profile, but I don’t remember seeing anything that said “no poly guys.”
You’re preaching to the choir. No one in this thread has done those things: we’re all complaining about the people who do.
In fact, you didn’t. You were responding to me, who was talking about how men filter out profiles where the woman identifies as “a few extra pounds” or “overweight.”
This is the second time I’ve corrected your misunderstanding of that post, btw. Your 75% is showing.
Sometimes I’m really glad that I’m 5’3 . . . it’s difficult to find men who aren’t at least my height. 
Oops. You’re correct.
When I read this my first reaction was “what the fuck is she talking about?” Then I saw this:
What? It’s 11:03 in the morning and I haven’t slept yet. :o
Well it’s 2:06pm here. Catch up, Sparky. 
I wouldn’t even read this profile all the way through. What is it with people that insult the reader straight off? Very off-putting.
I got a response to my profile the other day that said that he (the writer) has found people that work in the medical field to be callous, egotistical, and mean, and if I wasn’t like that I should write him back. Excuse me? Am I supposed to send you my personality resume, or perhaps some phone numbers of some character references? I wouldn’t go out with this guy for anything after a message like that!
As for body types, when the average American woman wears a size 16,* fat* is average. Hell, that makes me* thin* at a size 9, but I call myself average.
Here’s mine
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Joey31415
Match.com is were I spend quite a bit more time and when I change something over there I cut and paste it over here. Just looking through it a little while ago I realized I had one paragraph in there twice and some other things out of order. I cleaned up some of that, but it still isn’t all that polished. If anyone would like to take a look at my Match profile, it’s a bit more up to date.
Really? I read it as pure sarcasm - if I came across a profile like that I would laugh. Why do you think he’s seriously insulting someone?
Well, I guess that’s my problem with OkCupid - there is no way to “uncheck” the poly box. I think it would be counter-productive (in trying to create a upbeat/friendly profile that would make someone want to contact you) to include a laundry list of “What I don’t want.” I know I get turned off if I’m reading a guy’s profile and there’s this long list of “If you’re X don’t contact me” - it screams BITTER. And while I’m cynical, I like to think I’m not bitter.
But that is why I don’t open my profile up to dating on OkCupid; it’s not right for me. If all I’m looking for are friends and people to do things with, then your relationship status is meaningless to me.
It could be just me, but that’s okay, because the person reading the profile and responding or not responding to it is also… just me, as far as I’m concerned.