Punkyova, I happened to swing by OkC last night and checked out your profile while I was there (so if you see a 27 year old woman from Milwaukee on your list of viewers, that was me :D). Dunno if you changed anything, but it looks pretty good to me.
My two suggestions:
1.) The “three adjectives to describe yourself” thing got folded into everyone’s opening paragraph. If you want to keep it, throw a period on the end. (Super-nitpicky, I know, but it’s the kind of thing that would bug me.)
2.) I suggest making the picture with the flowers in your hair the default one. The others aren’t bad, but that’s definitely my favorite–it really shows off the personality I see through your profile.
I joined eHarmony during one of their “free” weekends, and have been beseiged with messages, both about the women they’ve matched me up with (several hundred) and quite a few women who are eager (they say) to begin corresponding with me. If I decided to fork over a month’s worth of EHarmony, what do you suppose I can expect? How many of these women, for example, are worth talking to, and how many are no better than the random women I might hit on in the subway or in an art gallery?
I completely forgot you were from Milwaukee (We even talked about it earlier in this thread). I’d hope you’re not one of the people I’ve bitched about in this thread. That would be really embarrassing.
Friggin’ OKC bills itself as a friendship/dating site though, and a lot of women aren’t interested in dating. I briefly got into conversation with a very enthusiastic and flirty woman who was looking for friends (“and maybe something more ;)”) but got all offended when I mentioned dating.
Obscenely doubtful, seeing as I haven’t been looking for anyone on OkC in quite a while, and I’m not a moron. If you’re really curious, you can PM me for my username.
Yes, but in theory their profiles specify what they’re looking for.
It drives me nuts when people (women) put “I want to start out as friends, and then we’ll see where it goes.” To me, that’s just a pre-emptive cop out. It makes it so if they don’t like someone they don’t have to ‘break up’ with them. They can just take it to friend territory and then say “That’s what my profile said”
I just used my super mad detective skillz (read: Arnold’s Doper Picture Gallery) and verified my suspicions. It was just odd that you just mentioned that you hadn’t been on in a while (or so I inferred when you said “I happened to swing by OkC last night”) and I just happened to see your profile pop up and though “Hmmm, I haven’t seen her online in a while”.
Yeah, in fact, there were a lot that I looked at and thought “There’s no way in hell I’m answering this if I can’t explain myself” or “This should be an essay question, not multiple choice” so now it’s really nice, that you DO get the option to explain yourself. So when they ask something like “I like to drink A)EVERY DAY!!!1! B)Once in a while C)Never.” I can answer “once in a while” but then explain exactly that that means…to me.
BTW, I like your profile, it’s certainly one of the more creative ones out there (I actually almost emailed you a few times in the past (blushy smilie)). For some reason it reads really, really fast. It’s strung together so well, you’re eyes just zoom right through it.
:huffs on nails, buffs on shirt: Thanks! I keep meaning to give it a real overhaul one of these days, since I’m not sure how much I’ve touched it since I started the damn thing some time in the first half of the decade.
I am a woman, and when I see this it seems more like the women who say they want to start out as friends are just making it clear that they don’t intend to fuck on the first, second, or third dates.
Going on several dates with someone does not automatically put a couple in relationship territory, but it sounds like you think it does. There’s nothing to break up from if you haven’t declared yourselves exclusive, anyway.
Oh, I get that, but it’s a dating site, we (98% of us) are not on the site to make new friends (at least not on Match. OKC is a bit different).
Look at it this way. If I see someone with that clause in their profile and I think “Hey, I’d like to hang out with her, but that’s it” then it’s win/win. OTOH, if I see someone with that clause in their profile and I think “Hey, I’d like to date this person”, well, they’re not as likely to get an email from me. It seems like I’d be setting myself up for a letdown. It seems to me that when people put that in their profile, they’re aren’t 100% serious about dating yet. Also, I’d be worried that if there’s a statement like that in their profile, that there might be some communication issues. I see that statement so often, it’s become generic. I’d be worried, that I’d go out on a couple of ‘dates’ with her and then find out that what were ‘dates’ to me were just ‘friends hanging out’ to her. Blah blah blah.
If you’re on the site to meet potential dates, leave that line out of it. It think the ‘friend first’ part is somewhat implied. If you are really just looking to meet friends and ‘see where it goes’ then say something more like “I’m not looking meet potential dates here, just trying to meet some new friends.” The ‘see where it goes’ part will just happen naturally, when you mention it outloud it sends (IMO) mixed signals.
I don’t think most guys are intending to fuck on the first date (or second or third), I don’t think most guys will consider the themselves a ‘couple’ after several dates. But I’d like to think after three or four dates we are at least in the gray zone between friends and couple.
I dunno, I guess when I see that it reminds me of people that put “No drama” or “no cheaters” or “no liars” etc… People that say they don’t want drama/cheaters/liars are usually the cause of it.
Sorry if this is a bit or a ramble, I’m on my way out the door. I can clarify anything that needs clarifying as soon as I get home.
Ye gods, yes. The girl who gave me the “and maybe something more” line wound up being so offended that I was looking for someone to date, yet still I spoke to her, that she started screaming about how you can’t trust anyone and nobody tells the truth and if I dick around like that I’m guaranteed to be alone…I’m just glad I didn’t give her my phone number right off the bat when she wanted to go from OKC communication to text messages on like the first night she talked to me.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about. To re-iterate. If you’re just looking for friends “and we’ll see where it goes” just go ahead and say “I’m just looking for friends” The “see where it goes/maybe something more” part will just happen if it’s going that way.
Also, I think part of my problem is my mindset. I’m in the market for a long term relationship. I’m not looking for a one night stand, I’m not looking for a summer fling, I’m not looking for a fuck buddy, I’m not looking for something long distance. And with that, I have no intention of meeting someone on a dating site and then hanging out with her for a month (or however long she decides) while she makes up her mind about whether or not she wants to date me. Also, I get the feeling from some of the people that say this that if they decide they just want to be friends, they probably won’t actually say anything, meanwhile you’re still hanging around trying to figure out what the hell you’re supposed to be doing.
Well, I think I just had my third potential match (in a row) disappear on me. Several emails back and forth, things going more or less okay, then, nothing. Just stopped writing to me. A few days after she stopped, before I realized she had stopped, I sent her an email (before hearing back from the previous, she hadn’t even signed on since I had sent it a few days earlier), so now I’m trying to decide if I should send her the “Are you still interested?” email. She did look at my profile yesterday morning, but I think that may be because I changed the picture and had just looked at hers. She stopped responding just after I saved her as a favorite. Normally I don’t save people as favorites on Match, but she tended to only sign on once or twice a week and it was just an easy way for me to see if she had been on since the last time I emailed her. I have to wonder if it’s a coincidence, or if that really bugged her. I think I’ll send her one more, of all the people I’ve emailed this one is probably the one I’ve had the most interest in.
Also, most likely unrelated, there’s something odd going on with her profile. Now, on match, I can see the last time you signed on in three different places. The normal search function, pulling up my favorites, and looking at the “Who Viewed Me” section. In each of these it’s different. At one point, one of them said “IM ME NOW!” while the others said “Online within 5 days” Now, one of them says “Within 24 hours” and the others say “Within 5 days” Strange.
Also, I emailed another person…didn’t even look at my profile. I see three possibilities for that. 1)She’s browsing privately and has looked at it 2)The email I sent her left her completely uninterested or 3)My profile picture and/or first paragraph of my profile (which you can see without actually looking at my profile) were a complete turnoff. I’m thinking it’s 1 or 2. I’m worried I may have scarred her off a bit. In my email I mentioned that I had earlier seen her on the news (she had her car and all her photog gear stolen) and I had ran across her website a few weeks before that while looking for something and I recognized her profile picture as being on her website. I even tried to stay away from the questions I assume she always gets. She’s from Bucharest so I assume she gets a lot of emails asking her about that, if she speaks English, if she has an accent etc…and tried to focus on something else. I’m debating sending her a second email that would start off as a typical email, but telling her that I’m guessing she fields a lot of questions about the Romania thing and what does she want people to ask that they never do.
I suppose it’s also possible she never even received the email, but ‘lost emails’ really don’t happen that often anymore.
Also, after finding out that one of our members here is also on OKC in my hometown, I’m always going to be worried about talking about someone here only to find out that they are also a member on one of these sites. That would be embarrassing (SFG, I’m glad I never asked any questions about you on here :D), but I think it’s fairly unlikely and since I’d never use a username from a dating site, it’s unlikely that this page would be found by them googling their name. A non-Doper probably wouldn’t ever run across this thread unless we started dating and I mentioned it.
If you’re really curious, you can PM me for my username.