A few thoughts…I assume your kid is in grade school, probably below middle school though, if I’m wrong about that, I’d suggest you somehow slip her age into your profile. There’s going to be guys that would rather date someone with a younger child, some would rather date someone with an older child…I’d wager that many people would prefer not to guess at the age. BTW, my guess was based on the girl scout stuff. Next, you seem REALLY busy, like maybe too busy for a new relationship. I’m not saying that you need to drop everything, but maybe reword your profile a bit so it doesn’t sound like a potential date will have to schedule an appointment to see you. Re-reading, I see I misunderstood that, but still, I kind of get the vibe that you’re always doing something. That could very well just be me.
Next, it’s great that you drop the obscure references throughout your profile, but it may be a touch heavy in the “message me if” section. Don’t want to scare anyone off.
The last thing I noticed is the answer to one of your questions. It’s going to be a huge deal breaker for a lot of guys. On the one hand I’d suggest not answering it, OTOH, if it’s the way you feel, I think it’s good to leave it in since it goes against the grain of our society (at least in my age group…25-35ish) and guys aren’t expecting it, so it’d likely cause some problems after a few weeks of dating.
Oh, WRT Eharmony, keep an eye to see if the guy you messaged ever checked your profile. If he hasn’t checked your profile after a few days/weeks it’s probably not an active account. I run across more inactive accounts then real ones.
Thanks, Joey. I appreciate that you took the time to look. I’ll try to slip my kid’s general age into the narrative somewhere. You are correct that she’s in grade school. I hadn’t thought about guys having opinions about childrens’ ages.
I’ll think about rewording things so that I don’t seem like I’m overscheduled. I was trying to get across that I have an active, satisfying life with a wide range of interests. I’m not sitting around moaning because I don’t have a boyfriend. Although it would be nice to have a boyfriend.
If the question is the one I think it is, I thought about not answering it as well. It’s important to me, so I put it out there. I’m at least 10 years older than you, so there may be some generational differences. (Or not.)
And yes, I also have long suspected that eH is the land of phantoms.
You mention that you help out with girl scouts, that might be a great place to bring it up. Just mentioning that she’s in girl scouts might be all you need.
What did it for me was they way you said “copious spare time.” It sounded sarcastic, as if to say that you had NO space time. When I went back and re-read it I realized that you weren’t saying that. Most guys aren’t proof-reading your profile…you get one chance, maybe a second one a few weeks later if you change something or add a new picture and you pop up on their home page.
I’m sure that’s part of it. I’m 30, that’s a deal breaker for me. Of all the profiles I’ve read on OKC of girls 25-34, I think I’ve seen that question answered the same way as you once, maybe twice. But it may very well not be a deal breaker for someone a generation ahead of me.
And, like I said, I think you should mention it as (again from my 30 year old POV) it isn’t the norm and I think guys who consider it a deal breaker might not be too happy after a few weeks.
If I could quit EH right now and get a prorated refund, I’d be gone. But I can’t do that. I still have a few months left there and I have ever intention of re-upping my Match account on Sep 3 when it expires…unless I have some promising leads at that time in which case I’d see where they go before paying anything more.
I was suspicious when I saw that the one year subscription had to be paid in three monthly installments. That said to me that most people aren’t active after month four.
However, I know several people who got married from eHarmony, and a couple more who say they are meeting lots of men, so it does work for some people. Just not you or me.
ETA: Sorry, I’m a little hazy. Are you saying that you’re happy with Match.com, or not happy at all?
I’m happy with Match. I really like the way OKC works. I like the questions, I like that you have to answer a question to see the answer I like the quizzed, I like that when someone changes something on their profile it shows up on other peoples home pages etc… But I like the people on Match better. Being a pay site, people tend to be a bit more serious about dating there. But I’ve heard that this view point (better, more serious people on the pay sites) varies HUGELY from location to location.
We’ll add your name to the list that starts with that poor girl back in the '90s.
If it’s important to you, Punkyova, and it’s liable to be a deal-breaker for a lot of men, absolutely 100% *don’t *pull it out. If it’s something that’s non-negotiable for you, especially if it’s something that runs against trend, it’s absolutely unfair to spring it on someone after a few days or weeks of dating. It will waste both your time.
I think I am going to try this whole online thing since I found myself single a few weeks ago and have run out of options in real life meetings. I am not sure how it’s going to go since I’ve never really “cold” dated before - I’ve always sort of had relationships with people I’ve already known and hung out with - but hopefully it won’t be too awkward. I’ve tried to read through most of this thread. Once I fill out my profile I might post it for a critique.
I have a question about pictures. Is it considered bad form to have a picture with you and another friend in it? Or should you just stick to solo shots? I ask because I feel like the only time I really ever have nice, genuine smiles in pictures is when I’m with someone else. I get that you should probably have a body shot. What do you think about these 3? Face | Full Shot | With Friend (I’m in the blue). Are those okay or should I try to find better ones? Maybe ones that aren’t so close up? The more I stare at them, the more they just look goofy to me.
A bunch of people have a bunch of different rules but ultimately I find that it’s typically the women who actually follow them. Men can’t be too picky on dating sites so we’ll message girls regardless of any photo or profile faux pas. You can have a profile without any pictures of you at all and just an image of your pet tuna and you’ll still get an inbox full of messages.
That being said I don’t like the third picture but not necessarily because it has another person in it.
Speaking of photos I’ve recently discovered that one of my eyes is sort of off. I only notice it in pictures where I’m looking right into the lens but it’s sort of unnerving. I’ve never noticed it in a mirror or anything. :smack:
Edit: Actually it doesn’t look too bad in that picture… Messing around with my webcam I think it’s only like that for a moment but once I focus it fixes itself.
If you’re on OKC or Eharmony where you can put captions, no problem, on Match, I think it’s fine as long as other people can A)tell which one you are and B)tell it’s not an Ex-SO. In fact, I like some pictures with friends. I like to see what your friends look like, what kind of people you hang out with, do I feel that it’s a crowd I’d fit in with. By that I mean, if I’m interested in someone, but in every picture, everyone she’s hanging out with (as far as the guys are concerned) is sitting on a crotch rocket with frosted tipped spiked hair and a kissy-face, well, she’s probably not going to be that in to me and it’s not a crowd I see myself wanting to be a big part of.
So yeah, pictures with other people are fine, the three pictures you linked to would be just fine. I’d be sure to caption the last one “Me and my best friend trying to look like a gangster (I’m on the left)” or simply “I’m the one in blue”. Remember, it may be obvious to you which one you are, but often times it’s really hard for other people who have nothing to go on but a few pictures.
I’m not on any dating websites (see: engagement metals thread) but if you’d like more feedback The Punkyova, could you post the questions/parts you want help with? Or spoiler-box them if that would be better?
Future MIL still hasn’t been on Match/eharmony yet. She’s filled out her profile but not subscribed. She’s taken to cleaning out her house in her spare time (her garage is filled with baby shit she’ll never need again) as a means of getting her life “on track” for a relationship. While I appreciate the fact she’s trying to pare her shit down, I also wonder how serious she is about dating. Maybe she’s scared, but I don’t even know how to approach her. It’s been 15 years, you’d think she’d be eager. Maybe she has a desire for companionship but none for intimacy, and not for the work involved in meeting people. It’s hard to tell.
All group shots: Bad.
Group shots with no way to tell which is you: Bad.
Some group shots, clearly labeled as to which person is you (and not just “I’m on the left”–*whose *left?): Acceptable.
Universal problem. It’s like saying “smock” over and over again–it’ll stop sounding like a word sooner or later. Don’t worry–the pics are just fine!
Thanks for the advice, you all! They will have to do for now - I’m going through tagged photos of me on FB trying to find a decent shot taken by someone else, but finding one that isn’t formal or doesn’t scream “This girl is a total lush!” is harder than I thought - I don’t even drink that much, but that’s apparently the only time I get snapped.
I signed up on OKCupid, and in the first page of suggested matches it showed an ex and one of his creepy friends that tried to get into my pants after we broke up. Oh small towns.
When it comes to filling out areas, I apparently have a problem with brevity.
I hear that. Somewhat recently (in the last year), I started to really wonder why my glasses are always slightly crooked. I mean, I adjust them and they feel fine! Then I realized that it’s not my glasses that are crooked, it’s my ears!
I am still getting absolutely nothing from eHarmony. However, I did get a message from someone on OKCupid, and it MIGHT go to an actual meeting. Maybe I’ll try Match.com sometime next year, after I get over the disappointment of eHarmony.
Shot from Guns and Bosstone - funny! I laughed. Lindsaybluth, I don’t know that there is anything in particular that I have questions about. I’d be happy with any feedback.
I don’t have an OKC account personally so I can’t see your profile The Punkyova. Could you PM it to me or post it here? Spoiler box it too would be fine if you didn’t want everyone to see/ it to take up a lot of space.
