I shall do that. Danke Schoen. For once, I’m hoping when I get home tonight she hasn’t signed on yet (or if she has, she sent me a reply).
She started out her email with “Thanks for taking a chance on woman with two kids” so I’m thinking that, in addition to what I said above, is a good sign.
Ooo Joey, that’s a hard one. Maybe people who actually do online dat emore can be honest about whether they stop talking because 1) they expect the guy to ask them out or 2) they get bored with him.
She could be busy with the holidays too, and not want to get involved around them, hence the little time online. Future MIL took a break because she didn’t want to seem clingy or needy, because a lot of single people can be around the holidays. Just her opinion, seems somewhat common.
Now, keeping in mind I haven’t online dated, I certainly have forgotten about guys just with the business of life and work and such. A little email/facebook message/etc has jolted my own memory of “oh yeah this guy” and either a “maybe” a “no” or a “yes definitely!” comes to mind. But I have certainly been guilty of meeting someone with potential (not in a defined speed or online dating situation) and forgotten about them. Reminders solidify the maybe and yes’s especially.
I (personally) would do the reminder email in a few days, but maybe don’t ask for face to face in this next one, wait to see if she responds to your follow up/reminder email and then ask for a face to face.
Good luck! 
So I’ve come to ask for advice on my current peculiar situation.
I am currently out of the state on a several month internship, but kept my “location” as the city where I was previously living-- I did this primarily because I had no reasonable expectation of dating in this tiny 78 person village. Anyway, due to there being nothing to do here after the sun goes down, and having a craving for any kind of human contact, I have spent a lot of time writing my profile, adding better pictures, etc. And it’s worked, I get plenty of messages. So here’s where I’m asking your opinion.
Would you feel like someone was jerking you around/wasting your time if they messaged you while several thousand miles away, and won’t be coming back until, let’s say, mid February? It’s not like I sprung it on them that we couldn’t meet after a few messages-- it’s literally the first line of my profile. I do note that I’m looking for penpals, but I honestly don’t think it’s an unreasonable that a person might not be satisfied with just that.
If you were talking to someone who was away, would you have any expectations for when they came back? What if you had been talking to them for a month? How about… jeez, three months; I should at least buy that girl a steak when I get back…
Any ideas on how to keep them interested in the time I’m away? I realize I have absolutely no right to expect them to wait for me, but I obviously would like to do what I can to make that seem like an appealing option. Right now I have convinced some of them to write me actual letters, which I think has a number of advantages.
How many of these girls are only interested because I’m far away and they can’t have me? Is this going to be like when you have a girlfriend and get tons of female attention, but then when you are available, they suddenly lose interest?*
*Yes, yes, I know. Confirmation bias, and all that. This is kind of a facetious question. But seriously, will they?
The distance issue is no problem as long as you’re up-front about where you are and when you expect to be back, which it appears that you are. As for what expectations it may create when you return, that will really vary on a case-by-case basis. Certainly, if you’ve been talking to someone quite a bit while you were away, it might be worthwhile to start with a less casual meeting than if you’d only been talking for days or weeks (e.g., dinner rather than coffee).
Does anyone want to look at my profile again and see what kind of changes I can make? I’ve sent out tons of messages in the last few weeks, and I mean 20-30+ and gotten nothing back. Actually that’s not true I got one back and we went back and forth for a bit, even gave her my real email and then she pulled her profile and I haven’t heard anything.
Anyway here it is. I could use some more photos, but I don’t have many people around to take them.
I like your profile-- you’ve got some impressive things going for you, without sounding pretentious. And you seem to mostly have your shit together and hold a job, which I’m sure is one of the foremost qualities sought after by women.
I might suggest working on your “about me” section, though. In my opinion, it just kind of reads like a list of achievements or stats-- it’s good stuff, seriously, but you need to present it in a more engaging, conversational way. That’s the first thing they read, and you want it to be memorable. Also, a lot of your sentences are very short and terse; maybe if you varied them a bit more, your profile would come off a little more characterful, and not just be like a little fact sheet about you. Other than that, I think it’s pretty good.
I seem to suddenly be in a rut as well. I had, I think, 4 active conversations going (maybe 5), that all just sort or crapped out on me at the same time. Though one of them, who has only signed on once in the last 2 weeks, just signed on again today. I’m hoping I’ll hear from her later. Fingers crossed.
Here’s mine.
I think my profile is okay. I actually seem to get a lot of random complements on it (my Match profile is almost exactly the same), which always leaves me thinking “Was it something I said?”
One thing I’ve noticed is that there have been some people that I really liked at first, but as we exchange more emails I end up liking them a little less each time. It’s usually that either their grammar/spelling starts to get on my nerves or they say things that I don’t agree with, but since it’s not face to face, it’s hard to discuss it and give them a chance to defend themselves or educate me on it etc etc etc. I’m guessing for some of the girls I’ve been talking to it’s the same for them, about me. Based on that, my goal is to start trying to push for an IRL meeting within the first handful of emails instead of dragging it out. Also, assuming they’re also talking to more then just me it could be that found themselves more interested in someone else and he asked them out first. Also, sometimes I wonder, if that’s the case, and it ends up not working out with the other person, do they not email me again because they feel bad for leaving me hanging for two or three weeks without a reply? That’s one of the reasons I normally send a ‘reminder’ email if I haven’t heard from them in a week or two. It’s a way for me to say “Hey, I’m still interested”
The thing I’m trying to gauge is, with an LDR established by e-mail, how do you work the first “i’m visiting your distant city/ you’re visiting mine” etiquette? I ain’t travelling 1000 miles to some city (where I’d like to retire someday, but not someday soon) just for a coffee date, but it’s absurdly early to plan out a “let’s spend three days together 24/7” weekend, too. It happens I live in a city that’s a big tourist attraction, too, and she gets here most summers, but I’m at the point now with this woman where I’d like to see her (literally–we’ve skyped and e-mailed, but I need to see her in person to know where this is going. She’s said things to me like “Nice beard–wish I could reach out and touch it”) but I’m stymied. I’m on vacation for the next month, and her city is someplace that I’ve been to before on winter break, but I wasn’t planning on putting myself up in a hotel for a few days, plus airfare and food, this month… . Or maybe I need to. I don’t want to scare her off with my grand plans either, especially since I’m not even sure how grand they are. (It’s possible I’ll get a good look at her, and go, “Um, ain’t happening.” Or she at me.) Anyone been here?
I apologise if this has been covered earlier in the thread (24 pages is a bit lengthy for this time of night!) but I have a couple of questions.
Does someone’s username appear on these dating sites? I notice when people are sharing accounts it appears to be something like okcupid.com/username, is this username seen when you are interacting with someone or is it just a shortcut to your actual profile okcupid.com/profile=3498264 ? If you can see the username does it ever play a part in deciding how far to take things with that person, would sexyboy69 put you off for example?
Also, have any of you encountered or do you fear any sort of stigma related to using dating sites. Is it something you freely admit to or do you prefer to keep it quiet. If you keep it quiet is that because of reactions in the past or just personal preference? I don’t use the sites myself (though I probably should!) so i’m not too familiar with how they work or how they are perceived.
“username” is your actual username that everyone sees.
Yes, sometimes it does. But I just consider that one more piece of their profile. I saw one person who’s username was (something along the lines of) IBmamaUBpapa. It makes it pretty clear what they’re looking for. I tend to stay away from people who’s usernames make them sound a bit full of themselves: Hot1ForU, SexyLady14 or Clingy: Want2KissU, Luv4Ever, NeedU2Nite etc etc etc
I don’t their there’s a huge stigma attached. Most of my friends know I’m on the site, but I keep it quiet from my family. The only reason I keep it from them is because I know them well enough to know that they’ll set up a fake profile to look at and critique mine and start giving me thoughts on who I should or shouldn’t email. I’m just not interested in their input on the subject. Once it’s done and over with I’ll have no problem telling them where we met.
Certainly, I’ll judge people based on their usernames. Number of any kind I tend to find obnoxious: “Really, dude, you couldn’t think of *one single *original thing?”
No, I think it’s becoming much more acceptable as a way to meet people. Long-distance internet relationships still carry some stigma, I think, but a lot of folks (especially in my generation) wouldn’t blink at the idea of two people from the same city having met via a dating site instead of at a bar, being introduced by friends, at work, etc.
I’m ridiculously uncreative. But my number is Pi.
“RobotArm2”, is that good or bad?
I kind of cringe at my own username, because it does have numbers in it. I use it as a username often, but usually only in places where it won’t get displayed to the world. Not entirely sure why I made an OKC account using it, come to think of it…
But at least the word that precedes the numbers is hardly unoriginal. 
Well, it’s certainly preferable to xX_rObOtaRm_Xx.
Anyone want to look over mine again
I’ve done some editing, made the sentences a bit different and added a bit of depth I hope.
pseudotriton ruber ruber, you say “winter break”. Are you a teacher/professor/work for a university? Otherwise, I can’t see why you couldn’t wait till after the holidays. People get real ga-ga over them; sometimes people who aren’t really looking for relationships (as in, they’re single but don’t have the time/energy for them) start swooning and wishing openly they had someone for the parties and holiday season. That’s my only fear with that - that she maybe would have the holidays playing with her (or his) mind around now.
Otherwise, why not split the cost of the visit? Throw it out there - hey, I’ll get my airfare if you don’t mind putting me up in a hotel. If it’s a fairly big city, there should be hostels or you can do airbnbn as well, or couchsurfers if you’re into that.
But I think you should go for it. You’ll never know! I had a wonderful relationship (of a year, but unserious) with a guy who I’d met once in person while out of town at a friend’s birthday and he ended up driving over 3 hours to see me for our first “date”.
Edward, that picture blows! No offense, but that should be like…picture $ 4 or 5. Where’s your face, dude?
The first paragraph tells me two things: you are very dependable. It also tells me you might be super boring. I don’t think of you as a poster as boring at all. But that first paragraph, if I don’t know anything about you, I hear alarm bells about boring going off.
“I love Maryland and right now don’t think I’d want to live somewhere else.” That sounds defensive. Like “I don’t want to go anywhere and I’m a homebody”. Most people DON’T want to leave where they are now, but by saying it you come off as slightly defensive/defiant. I’d just keep it as “I love the area I’m in in Maryland”.
“I make aeronautical charts and while it’s not always the most exciting job, it’s steady and pays well.”
Okay, that screams boring to me. Why not say “I make aeronautical charts and you’d be amazed at the number of planes I’ve saved from crashing! I’m a regular superhero, all right ;)” If that’s not your style, no big deal, but don’t say “I am not exciting but I am dependable”. You’re trying to woo people here! Put your best foot forward.
Why has motorcycling been curtailed? I would wonder if you’re disabled, boring, or lack vacation time. It sounds negative. Just leave it as “I’m an avid motorcyclist”.
“While I would love to have someone to ride with a love of motorcycles is not a must you’ll at least have to tolerate them.” Don’t phrase it like this. Say “I would love to have someone ride with me.” You won’t put off those women who want to “change” men by that phrase, but you could turn off regular women who simply don’t have feelings on motorcycles or who are easygoing.
“I am not the type of rider that speeds down the road on one wheel, nor am I the type who rides to impress people.” Delete this. Just keep the next sentence and maybe add on “I’m not into showing off or being a crazy speed demon”. Your sentences kinda demonize the “other” type of writer (ETA: I mean rider!); the sentence I wrote is more about the actions themselves, does that make sense? It’s neutral.
“I do enjoy international travel as well after spending a semester in Ireland. I’ve been to many countries, though they have all been in Europe.” Make that "I’ve traveled extensively through Europe. “though they have all been in Europe” sounds like you’re apologizing. “Next up would be either somewhere in Africa, probably Egypt first, or South America, I’m still undecided.” Change this to “I look forward to experiencing Egypt and parts of South America as well.” Some ladies hear alarm bells when they hear “Africa”.
“I’m also a millionaire and I own a mansion and a yacht, though my millions are in Romanian leis, my mansion is a house in the mountains of West Virginia, and my yacht is a kayak.” Snicker. I like this part. I think you should inject more of that into your profile.
“I’m currently undecided if I want any more children, though it is a possibility if the right person came along.” Change it to something like “I love my two kids, but I wouldn’t rule out having more children with the right person”. Takes out the undecided part while keeping the same meaning.
"The ability to say ‘I’m going here see you in a bit’ is also a plus. " Bwah? I don’t get what that means.
“Going that way. I don’t mind just picking a place to see and just going. I’ve been known to just say I’m going to Wyoming for the weekend, and then going.” Great! But say “Being spontaneous/spur of the moment. I’ve pointed and said “I’m going to Wyoming this weekend” and then went.”
I haven’t a clue, though I get asked where I’m from lots due to my accent. Change to “though I often get asked…” rather than the “lots”.
Okay, I love Anthem. But lots of people only read Anthem and then read diatribes on Rand online and think they either 1) love her or 2) hate her. Nobody’s indifferent. That could be polarizing. I would add a different book in, personally.
You spend a lot of time thinking about what you need at the grocery store? Hey, I spend a lot of time thinking about what’s going to happen next on Friday Night lights, but both are relatively boring. I’d take that out.
I love the private thing! That’s the perfect mix of strange and interesting yet not invasive.
And I’d add the age range to 45, if I were you. Lots of happy couples out there where the lady is older. Just sayin’ 
Yup, he’s a professor.
Oddly enough that’s the picture that people picked for me on OkCupid. I’ll have to get someone to take some more photos of me, I’m not sure people want to see me in a Speedo, at least not yet.
I’m also making some of the changes you suggested.