I think everyone got that email, they just sent it out slowly. It seemed like after the first person here mentioned it, a few weeks/months later more people where still saying they got it.
Besides, OKC is free. I think all you get for paying is some additional search capabilities, a few less ads and a blaring pink boarder around your name. It’s not like other sites where not paying means you can’t do anything at all.
Cool, no biggie then! I didn’t read the whole thread 'cause it’s huge but something like that seems like such a goofy move on their part when people are legitimately trying to find successful matches and I didn’t want anyone to be wasting their time wondering “man why are there just ugly people on OKC??” 
You’re assuming that these people know that they aren’t writing in full, coherent sentences. This is the best they probably have to offer; they don’t realize they sound like a high school kid. I’m not being facetious either. People are not all that self-aware!
A profile that says “don’t wink, email instead” or “don’t bother emailing me if X,Y,Z criteria…” comes across as proscriptive and a little hostile to me. What’s the worse that could happen if someone with poor grammar emails you? At least you find out straight out the gate that this person is borderline illiterate. I for one would want to know that information because in the future, I’ll know not to email them.
Same with a wink. If a guy winks at me, he’s telling me that he’s taking a passive stance. This is not necessarily a bad thing, though. What’s the worse that can happen if someone winks at you? You can ignore it, or you can just file away this person for a latter time. Or you can respond in equal measure. Or email them.
Personally, I’d just mentally thank those people for being so kind as to flag themselves as someone I can ignore completely.
Like “it’s,” “who’s” is always a contraction–it never means “of whom.”
Maybe for some people, but not for everyone. I have a coworker that writes everything in this oddball shorthand. “Wht r u doin 2nt. im gn out.” EVERYTHING that’s not ‘formal’ looks like that. That’s obviously something you know you’re doing. It’s got to take more effort to write like that then just spell it out. Also, I just checked, I don’t have that in my profile. I think I just have it in some of my OKC answers.
The thing is, it’s not "don’t bother emailing me if X,Y or Z. It’s literally “Don’t wink, send an email” There was one person I just saw (and blocked) who had more then half her profile peppered with comments such as “Don’t email me if you’re a liar or a cheater” “Don’t send me a message just to tell me my glasses are sexy, even just to be funny” “I’m looking for someone real, if you’re just looking for something short term, don’t bother sending me a message.” I wish she could see how her profile looked to someone else. I was almost frustrated with it by the time I was done. Of course even if she cleaned it up and just spent that much time going on about her I still would have stayed far away. Between all the “I have god in my life” and the “I think homosexuality is wrong” answer to that question (on OKC) she wasn’t going to get a message from me anyways.
I’m bringing this thread back to life!
I keep getting messages from girls that want to hang out, like, as friends (according to them). I’m not really interested in making new friends. I’m going back and forth between “man, some of these girls want to date you but they want to “be friends” or meet you without any pressure first or something” or “man, these girls think you’re gay and want you to be girlfriends with them or something”. HALP.
For reasons stated earlier in this thread, I won’t go anywhere near anyone that says “I’m looking for friends first and we’ll see where it goes from there” IMHO, that seems like a way for a girl to “date” you for a few days and if it doesn’t work out she doesn’t have to break up with you since you were ‘just friends’. It just seems like if someone says that, you won’t know where you stand. So if you go out with one of these ‘friends first’ people, and then start dating someone else, how is she going to feel about that? I’ll bet she expects the right of first refusal. I don’t remember what I said earlier, but IMHO, that’s one of the red flags for “this person is going to be a drama queen” or that you’re going to be spending a lot of time mumbling “I’m not a fucking mind reader”
Besides all of that. I’m really looking for a long term relationship. If there’s someone I’m interested in, I’m going to send them an email and hope they reply and maybe we can give it a go. I’m not going to waste my time on someone who wants to spend some secret amount of time deciding if she wants to date me. Let’s just jump in with both feet and see what happens. IMO, you’ll find out pretty quick if it’s going to work or not. If you build up a friendship first you’re asking for a lot more drama. Sorry, not worth it.
Also, as I said earlier about this. If that’s how you feel, then just put in your profile that you’re really only looking for friends. People will contact you just to hang out, if it’s going to go beyond friendship, it’ll happen on it’s own anyways.
She’s masturbating to your picture but thinks you have a sucky personality. 
To the last few I’ve just responded telling them that I don’t really have/want female friends and I’m on the site to date. If they just want to ask me out after that it’s up to them.
For the record, the part I bolded might be scaring some of them off. It’s essentially saying “Women are only in my life if I wanna fuck them.” On the other hand, one person’s “scaring off” is another person’s “we have incompatible values and now I know that” so maybe it’s good that you’re letting them know this about yourself. If I was on the market, I’d a) be glad to know that about you and b) never contact you again.
One vagina-owner’s two cents, that’s all. This advice is worth every penny you paid for it.
Well that could be a plus. Or at least gives me some satisfaction since at least an imaginary me is getting some action.
Considering you were messaging me to “just be friends” maybe that’s a good thing. 
Since everybody specifies their orientation on OkC, I doubt it’s #2 (and if it is, they’re too stupid to date, anyway). It’s probably #1, in which case, fuck 'em, 'cause who wants wishy-washy bitches who can’t even commit to a fucking date. (I mean, seriously.)
You don’t have “looking for friends” checked in your profile, right? It’s exclusively relationship/sex options?
Nope. I just have short and long term dating selected.
It’s been a while since I’ve linked to my profile, so here you go. You guys can tell me what you think. Before anyone complains about the mask picture, I have it there so that it gives me a unique and eye-grabbing thumbnail for people to see when I either visit their profile or answer questions or whatever. And it works in that I’ve gotten more page views with it.
Reply to all the friend-type requests with simply:
**"Well you’re cute, so we can TRY to be friends but if you’re as fun in real life as your profile makes you sound, I am definately going to end up ravaging you haha Coffee on Wednesday sound good? Something simple so I can make sure you’re not crazy…this IS the Internet and all.
This lets her know you’re not ashamed to let her know she’s attractive, it let’s her TRY to be friends like she wants so you can still meet up as “friends” in her mind so things can “just happen”, it warns her that you’re not afraid to jump her bones but that you have standards because you have to make sure she’s fun in real life and not crazy. And it sets a specific coffee date at a specific day, which shows her you’re a guy who leads and takes the reigns instead of doing the “So what do YOU want to eat tonight?” “I dunno, what do YOU want to eat tonight?” “I dunno, what do–” stuff.
And a winky-face at the end lets her know you’re making fun of the whole Internet dating concept in general instead of taking it super seriously, which implies you’re just on the net because you’re curious, not desperate.
If she laughs and still agrees to meet up after this message, she’s into you and is open to the idea of you jumping her bones at some point. If she doesn’t agree to meet up, she wants you to be her asexual gay shopping friend and you’re better off not wasting your time if you’re not looking to hang out with a girl that isn’t attracted to you. That’s a win/win situation.
Yeppers. She’s either super hot and has to reject a ton of guys so it’s easier for her to set the friend zone frame right off the bat and hope some awesome guy breaks through it since she knows it’ll stump all the less-confident guys, or she’s an average girl who’s just been through a few lackluster relationships where she’s had to dump the guy and figures it’s easier on her end to set the friend zone frame so that she can easily wiggle out of the situation without breaking another needy guy’s heart.
hahahaha AGREED!
Epic no! You just told them, in chick-speak: “Girls don’t like me and don’t hang around with me, not even as FRIENDS…there’s probably a reason for that and if you hang out with me you’ll discover it sooner or later.” Why do girls want married men? Because the ring on their finger says “a girl out there thinks I’m a quality guy, so you might not be able to see it but you ought to find out for yourself incase you’re missing out!” Why do girls love gay guys? Because other girls love gay guys. Why do girls like players? Because other girls like players. Why do girls like the captain of the football team? Because all the cheerleaders like the captain of the football team. Why do nerdy chicks like the artsy quiet guy who keeps to himself but is super focused on his art/craft? Because all the other nerdy chicks like that guy.
You don’t have to HAVE female friends, especially if your priority right now is finding someone to date. But you also don’t have to throw that out there and scare them off.
Agreed, but you can find that stuff out on a coffee date when you two are actually in person and can make a realistic decision of “I would like or not like this person in my life”…the whole E-Mail back and forth before the first meet-up is just an inconvenient hurdle full of both sides trying to determine if the other person is crazy. Better to just meet up and talk about that stuff in person…you might decide they’re cool and you DO want them as a friend, or they might decide you’re attractive as they get to know you and DO want to date you.
haha I dig your profile. After reading it the friends thing you keep getting makes sense. When your profile is 99% sarcasm and ridiculousness, the girls who want to meet up casually just want to see if, in real life, you’re a normal guy with a sarcastic wit, or if you’re going to show up with Will Smith’s reversed-jacket and a flower on your lapel that shoots water.
Still, send them what I wrote above or re-word it a bit but keep the same sentiment.
I don’t like the specific wording but I love the idea. I might give it a shot if I get another friender.
I’m a woman, and that seems bizarre to me (although I did make some female friends on OKCupid) so I can’t tell you why they are doing that, but I think you have 2 choices: believe in what they are telling you and take it at face value, or don’t believe it and try to “hang out” with them until they want to bang you. Which is unlikely, but certainly not impossible. I do think that saying you do not have or want ANY female friends is probably going to come off as creepy to most sane women, but saying you’re not on OKCupid to make friends is fine.
I like your profile, but I think more pictures would help. The mask is fine, but a few more less blurry pictures would help me decide whether or not to message you (the theoretical me.) Also, why do you hate people who make the peace sign when they have their picture taken? That’s going to eliminate a lot of hot Japanese chicks, you know.
Anyways, just to keep everyone updated about my SUPER exciting love life (I know you were all waiting with bated breath!) I ended up dating someone from OKCupid for a little while earlier this year (I think I might have posted about it…) but we broke up around Christmas. Which was fine, as we just had no spark. After that I avoided the Cupid for a while but I recently messaged a few more guys. I was happy that both actually responded to my message! I went on a few dates with this guy quite a bit older than me but it didn’t work out, which is fine. He was more into me than I was into him. But then I recently started seeing this guy who I really like! Unfortunately, I think it’s the other way around this time. 
Just to do the whole high school girl dating thing–how long does it take before the not-calling-me thing becomes a I’m-not-into-you thing? Our last date was Thursday and I haven’t heard from him since then. Admittedly, he was out of town this weekend, but. I really like this guy. :o I thought our last date went well–there was some pretty heavy duty making out and it was generally fun. Or so I thought! Should I be worried? Should I have seized the day and banged him when I had a chance? :smack: Just to be clear, I’m not really a high school girl–we’re both in our mid-20s.
Also, I have converted at least 2 of my friends to OKCupid so far. We get together and talk about our experiences every Sunday. I’m pretty sure someone should write a sitcom about us.
I had more but… (See next)
I only have two cameras at my disposal, the webcam (used to take the one with me in the tie) and my cell phone. Photos taken by my friends tend to be really unflattering and low quality and in compromising positions (like simmering under a beer pong table).
Answered your own question, in a manner of speaking. Plus it’s (mostly) a joke. I’d be willing to reluctantly overlook a weaboo’s peace-flash if I liked her enough otherwise.
Whew, long time no post!
I agree with many that girls are looking to date without “getting hurt” by only being friends. It’s disingenuous but I’m sure for many it’s not intentional.
Future MIL is enjoying EHarmony, though she’s looking forward to joining Match down the road. She definitely won’t be re-upping due to the large number of religious guys.
I have a question, basically a moral one. There’s no right or wrong answer IMO, but I’m curious to see what men in particular feel about this.
Future MIL is 50 but routinely 40. Her family has incredible skin; when she’s in public and is hit on/talked to by single men, they’re always late 30’s to mid 40’s. Now, it seems like the youngest men on Eharmony contacting her are 55 and look it. Complicating the problem is that most 55 year old men have children out of the house; she has two in elementary school (due to adoption), so they want no part in it.
Here’s my question (again, looking for more men’s answers) what’s your take on her listing her age on Match as 45? So many men simply seem to be excluding her based on age, yet if they met her in real life would assume she was 40. I argue that her personality, lifestyle, appearance and general energy level is that of a 40 year old and that she’s going to have a helluva time finding 50-55 year old guy wanting to date or “raise” young kids, let alone with the same energy level she has. FWIW, her ex husband (my SO’s father) was younger than her.
58-y.o. guy’s response: I dump 'em the second I find out she lied in her profile, about anything. (Exception: if the first words out of her mouth, literally, are : “I’m not really 45.” And even then I’m very skeptical of everything she tells me.) Life is too short to get mixed up with liars.
Besides you wouldn;t believe the number of women who are 55, look 55, and insist “Everyone tells me I look like late 30s, tops.”:rolleyes: