OMG no. Like PRR said, if I went on a date with someone and found out they lied about their age, especially by 20% (in my case, 30 year old, that would be like a 36 year old saying they’re 30), that would be the last date. There are so many people out there, I’m not going to date one that’s been lying to me since before we even met. This is one of those fundamental things that you just don’t lie about. I could keep going, but I know you’ve been following this thread for long enough that you understand.
Find a good way to explain how active she is, put a good spin on the situation with the kids etc. You mentioned her skin, put some menopause/Activia/tampon commercial type pictures in there (you know what I mean, right?)
Point taken. She wasn’t keen on it herself. I encouraged her to think about it in the future because otherwise I’m almost 100% sure she’s not going to find someone 55 that’s as active AND doesn’t mind the young kids.
Like I said, in real life she’s hit on by guys from 38-45, like at the book store or single fathers of her kids’ friends. There’s no “OMG I’m so young!” denial going on.
haha I do not know what you mean by tampon commercial type pictures :p. Any examples? Doesn’t the lady who does Activia have all white hair, pushing 60?
Find pictures of her having fun/enjoying herself (assuming that’s the image you want to portray) as opposed to doing gramma type stuff.
Sooo horseback riding in the sunset on the beach, yes (<–tampon commercial); sitting in the recliner reading bedtime stories to the young’uns, maybe not.
Ahhh that makes sense. I’ll try to take some of her over the weekend!
ETA: pseudotriton ruber ruber, I didn’t thank you for your advice. Thank you! I’ll stop encouraging her to consider dropping her age. FWIW, I find it hilarious how everyone from 10 pounds overweight to 50 pounds overweight calls themselves “average” or “normal” bodyweight, and how anyone normal weight is “athletic”. I guess lying is okay if everyone is collectively lying :P.
Jamie Lee Curtis is 52. I have an oddly similar age/children problem. I’m 34 but have teen-aged kids. (Oh good lord my youngest is 14 today. Old. so Old.) All the women my age either have the OMG MUST PROCREATE NOW bug, or already have kids that are less than 10 years old. I’m not going to raise any more kids, so it makes the dating pool rather shallow. I just put that out there, and sure it means I don’t get a lot of relationship material, but at least it’s honest from the get-go.
I have to agree with the rest - never outright lie on your dating profile. If she’s 50, but looks younger, let her pictures speak for themselves.
So my membership has one more month on EH and I will probably never sign up again. In three months I haven’t had one successful match (by that, I mean it wound up with an in-person meeting). I don’t know if I keep getting matched with inactive profiles or what, but I’m done.
As for OKC, well, I’m not very active there as my personal experience hasn’t been too positive. Though my major negative has switched from too many poly-people to young guys trying to hook up with me. Does the fact that I’m 41 make these kids think I’m so horny and desperate that I’m going to jump at the chance to get some? I’ve had two in the last two weeks.
#1: 20-year old who sent me a message whose subject was “So” and the entire body of the message was “Thoughts on younger guys?” I did reply to that guy saying there’s a difference between ‘younger’ and ‘young enough to be my child’ and I was ok with the former, not so much with the latter. When he persisted, I flat out told him that I could not ethically consider anyone that was young enough I could have given birth to.
#2: 21-year old who contacted me with the subject of “Heey”. This message was epic-fail so I’m going to repost the whole thing here for everyone’s amusement:
I haven’t even bothered to reply to that one, but it does make my hand itch to take a red pen to it and send it back corrected with the comment that if he wants older women to have sex with him, he might want to learn how to spell.
Is there something in my profile that says I’m either desperate or a cougar?
Re the body type thing. I tend to steer clear of people that are average or slender, in MY opinion but put A few extra pounds or curvy. After being married to an anorexic, it’s not a road I want to go down again and seeing people that seem to think they’re overweight makes me nervous.
I also wish people would understand that playing bar league softball does not give you the right to put down “Athletic and toned.” Just because you are athletic if you splooge out between your shirt and pants in all your pictures, you’re not toned. That reminds me, I had a date with someone that put in her profile “I put curvy [maybe it was average] because athletic and soft isn’t an option”
It seems like most people put their body type as a step down and on the one hand I’m thinking “who do you think you’re fooling” on the other hand, as long as you have decent pictures, it doesn’t really matter. The problem is when someone puts “a few extra pounds”(or any of the others) and only has two pictures of their face. “A few extra pounds” will mean 10 different things to 10 different people.
Not to excuse it, but “body type” IS a bit of a judgment call–and I’m happy to bust someone for having bad judgment when I see her. But age is always just a number–either it’s accurate or it’s not.
Yeah, I really struggled with what to put down for my weight as well. I definitely need to lose 30 pounds (maybe more), but I didn’t feel comfortable putting down “curvy” or “full-figured”. I put “a few extra pounds” and then made sure to include a picture of more than just my face and also made sure to date the pictures. I probably should up it to full-figured though.
Huh, I guess that is the flip side of the coin as well. I don’t think that’s a problem women looking for men necessarily face though
I certainly sympathize with you - why should you raise kids when you already have! Have you had any luck with women say, 5 years older? Maybe by 39/40 they’ve either 1) determined for sure they don’t want kids or 2) have realized biologically the ship has sailed.
I also cannot wrap my head around my future MIL not responding so many men. I vowed when she started not to let her become one of “those” women that men gripe about in this thread. Sure enough, she ignores plenty of messages. I realize it’s not worth responding to the really horrible ones (like Justin, or just “J”) but some of them are genuine and she…just won’t respond because of any number of reasons: their picture, interests, job, etc.
ETA:
Yeah but bad judgment is indicative of lying to yourself, of not having a grasp on reality. I’d argue knowingly lying for whatever reason isn’t nearly as bad as living in alternate universe where 50 pounds overweight is “normal”. YMMV of course
I know. But when I see a perfectly average or small woman (and I don’t mean average in the sense of “real women have curves” stuff, I mean 5’7’’ 130ish average) saying that they’re fat/overweight/need to workout/a few extra pounds/curvy) it hits home and I suddenly picture myself living with someone that won’t eat, spends 6 hours a day in the gym, pukes up her meals in restaurant bathrooms, (other then a divorce, having a anorexic and bulimic wife was one of the most difficult times of my life) etc…
Re Mauvaise, Average/little extra, either way is fine, that would be up to you. I usually don’t have a problem with people leaving the body type thing blank provided that have decent pictures. You have the tennis picture up, you’re body is kinda torqued around, but I think between that and the pink dress picture people can still figure out what you look like.
To be brutally honest for a second here: Getting a message like you suggested would be an auto-no for me. It comes off as kind of creepy.
The answer to this is always yes.
Another vote for “never, ever, ever, ever lie.”
Wait, so are we looking for “the poop goes THAT way!” or “that not-so-fresh feeling”?
That would be hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that if he sends it to enough women he’s guaranteed to get at least a couple of takers.
Honestly, I’m not sure what the problem is here. Having a profile up isn’t a contract to reply to everybody who messages you. Would it be more polite to respond to every single message? Probably. But there’s also no way to know which guy will leave you alone after an “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested” and which will start harassing you out of some weird belief that he can convince you to love him.
It’s already a “no”, the girl only wants to hang out as friends and he’s not looking for that and is turning them down anyway. Consider this a hail-Mary throw. If he already knows she’s not interested in him sexually, this may demonstrate some attractive things (confidence, leadership, unapologetic interest in her, etc) that change how she views him.
If she thinks a guy on a dating site wanting to meet up with her is “creepy” and stops E-Mailing, he’s saved himself having to deal with a wishy-washy girl who wants to test him with one foot out the door and waste his time that he could be spending with another girl who’s actually interested.
What’s going to happen, he gets MORE not-laid by her? He should send it and see what the result is.
I mean, he already COULD harass you by not responding, I don’t think you up the chances by responding. I’m not sure how the sites work but I’m assuming you could block the person easily if they did respond negatively after that. I just see it as a courtesy. A really simple one sentence “Thank you but I’m not interested” message would at least put the “what if…” worries to rest that plenty of guys legitimately have. I dunno, just seems a little more cordial/polite. I’d want a message like that from a guy in return if he weren’t interested, rather than just nothing.
Long time reader of this thread first time caller.
I kind of posted about this in another thread feeling a little wild and euphoric
Anyway I’ll quote myself:
Anyway today it seems not quite so wild and euphoric. We talked a bit about talking on the phone. She said she’d give me her number. So I messaged her back my number and asked her for hers and what would be a good time to call her. No response, nada, but she read it awhile ago apparently.
Should I message her again and see if the message was lost? She seemed very interested up until then.
At anyrate I’m going to go get the ingredients for a nice lunch, because then no matter what I’ll at least have a nice lunch.
You said she ‘read it awhile ago.’ How long is that? Are we talking about hours? If so, don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t message her again until tomorrow (unless she messages you first). Who knows, maybe she got your number and then she had to do something or her doorbell rang, or she had to go to work, or a pipe burst etc… Just because she asked for your number doesn’t mean she was intending to call you the very second you replied. That’s expecting a little much of her. If I were in your shoes, I’d be expecting a call from her later on tonight. If I didn’t hear from her tonight, I might think about sending her a message tomorrow along the lines of “Hey, I’m free tonight or Tuesday after 5 if you want to call me or go and get something to eat” and see where it goes"
Also, now that I think about it. I assume your back and forth emails weren’t in rapid succession, right. If you were sending emails back and forth like IMs, she asked for your number, you gave it to her and then she disappeared that can mean one of two things. She lost her nerve or (as someone told me early on in this thread), it’s her way of bowing out of the conversation. You know how people say ‘the ball is in her court’, she took the ball and left the game…or, something came up. But if the emails were just being casually sent back and forth, see above.
Even when I email someone, I usually wait about 2 days or so before I assume they’re aren’t going to reply.
