Okay, I CBF checking through the rest of the thread to find this, but have we touched on guys who have pictures of themselves with other girls plastered all over them?
What is up with that? I don’t know if it’s just me, but I find it kind of off-putting to be looking at the profile of a guy I like the look of, then to suddenly find pictures of other girls climbing all over him. And I’m not talking “Sat at a BBQ with a female friend nearby” or anything like that. Usually it’s girls hanging off their arms or cheeks pressed against their cheeks. It’s a little disgruntling.
Guys who’ve heard general pickup concepts are are purposely banking on “social proof” (women want what other women want, the guy who clearly has girls into him must be a normal socially adjusted guy compared to the guy who no girl is into)
Cool attractive guys that girls like…they don’t necessarily sleep with all those girls in their pics, but there’s something about them that’s attractive to women.
If you don’t like guys that have female friends, a varied sexual history, etc. and/or you’re the type that gets jealous or insecure or expects a guy to cut off ties with the girls in his social circle once you two are seriously dating, you’ll find these guys off-putting and you shouldn’t waste your time even thinking about them let alone messaging back and forth with them because things will end badly for one or both of you. (this isn’t a judgement call from me on either side, I think it’s perfectly fine for someone to expect full out monogamy from someone else as long as they find someone who’s cool with that, and I think it’s perfectly fine for a guy to blatantly play the field as long as they find someone who’s cool with that…I’m saying the two opposing personality types, to the core, wouldn’t work out long-term)
He’s basically warning you, consciously or subconsciously on his part, “if you date me, you will have to be secure enough to handle the fact that I’m attractive to other women…the fact that these are the pics I’m choosing to put in my profile instead of normal pics without other women in them should warn you that this isn’t a behavior I’m ashamed of and you will have to deal with if we date…if it was a behavior I would change for you, I wouldn’t be blatantly advertising it.”
It’s nothing to do with guys who have female friends, or a sexual history. Who said anything about expecting them to cut off contact with female friends? All I’m saying is if you’re advertising yourself as a potential mate for someone, putting up front in your profile pictures of you draped with various women doesn’t really speak all that much to you wanting to be actual relationship material, so their repeated comments about wanting “genuine” “nice” women and wondering why they can’t find “That special someone” ring a bit fucking false.
Wow, relax. You asked what was up with that. I thought you actualy wanted an answer, I didn’t realize you just wanted people to go “lol ya those guys are douches high-five to you for stating an obvious fact!!” There was no need to be hostile.
Some genuine nice women trust that their man will come home to them, those are the types of women those guys are looking for.
They’re not getting their kicks, their drumming up business for porn sites. If you had actually managed to engage them in an IM, you probably would have received a link to email them on another site. If you clicked on the link, it would have taken you to a (porn) site.
After a while, you can spot the fake profile pretty easily. Really cute, but very generic pictures, no more then 2 of them. A bio that ranges between not that well written to so bad you can hear the Ukraine accent coming through it, the About my date section won’t be filled in at all (and the height will be at the default of 3’1" to 8’11"), there will be nothing personalized to your city etc…
Also, in the bio section there will be a lot of stuff about ‘my man’. Things like “I want nothing more then to make my man happy and yummy food” or “My man is most imporant and I think it is wifes job to make her man happiest on the earth above all else”
That might be it, or there might be something along the lines of “I’m not a full member yet, so you can reach be at [some website]” or ‘she’ll’ ask your email address.
I went out with a woman last week and had a great time. She had at least a non terrible time, because she didn’t bail quickly or anything like that. Afterwards I wrote her and told her I had a good time, and asked if she would be interested in meeting up again. She never wrote back. After a couple of days of silence I just moved on and figured she wasn’t interested. Which sucks, but what are you going to do. Not everyone is interested. Then yesterday her name popped up as someone looking at my profile.
That’s weird. Why look now? Anyway, I thought of writing because I saw that. But, then realized if she was interested she would have written, and just because she looked at my profile doesn’t mean I should bug her with another email.
I figured I made the right move. What do you guys think? Any female dopers have thoughts on the matter? Any reason you would have for looking back on someone’s profile you have already met and weren’t still communicating with?
I had a similar experience. We went out once, but no communication after that. A few days later she looked at my profile, but I never heard from her again. On the one hand, she could have been ‘reminding’ me she was there since I never wrote/texted her after the meeting. OTOH (and this maybe what’s going on for you) she could have been just checking out my profile to make up her mind, showing it to someone (in a good or bad way), blocking me, clicking on it accidentally. Who knows.
You sent her an email. If she was interested she would have replied. She might still reply, but I wouldn’t pester her.
I was bored, so I did a Match search on OKCupid for “Anywhere” by Match%. I saw a profile that I’d never seen before but recognized the picture from the Doper picture gallery nonetheless. We were a 96/80/09 match. I didn’t know she was single. She lives quite far away, or I would’ve messaged her. It could’ve been the beginnings of true Doper love. I might message her anyway because I haven’t seen a post by her in awhile.
I guess I need some help figuring stuff out again. I’ve emailed a ton of people, few get back to me, which is fine. What I don’t get, and this is happening more now, is that she will answer my questions yet ask none in return. And a few have been really long answers. I’m not sure what to make of it since I wouldn’t write a few hundred words, 4-5 paragraphs or more, if I really wasn’t interested. But then again I would think that if they were interested they would actually ask questions. I write back and ask a few more questions but they go away if I ask them for a drink.
You know at my age you’d think I’d know what I’m doing, but I guess not.
I’ve had that happen as well. I think some people are just new and don’t understand that they need to ask questions to keep the conversation moving and some, well, aren’t actually interested. They’re just talking to the nice guy that sent them an email and after a few back and forths they get bored with you or they suddenly realize “Is he hitting on me” and stop all communication. Personally, I’m a firm believer that if you aren’t interested you shouldn’t reply at all to begin with. It wastes the other persons time and leaves them trying to figure out what they said or did to scare you off.
Of course, some people are chatting with many people at once and just narrowing it down until they decide who they want to meet. At some point you just didn’t make the cut, so to speak.
I was completely unaware of this thread until someone mentioned it in another thread I was following. How bizarre.
Last month - I think it was last month, anyway - I set up profiles on several geek-oriented online dating sites. I guess I should have come to the SDMB for advice first, to see where the good ones are, huh?
Now, I will try to go back and read through this thread as time permits, but if folks have the time, I would be interested to hear your thoughts, if any, on :
According to current events, it appears that an effective way to meet women online is to be a member of the House of Representatives. It’s a longshot, but I’ve tried everything else.
So what sites do people currently recommend? I selected nerd-oriented ones because that’s what I am and that’s the sort of girl I’m interested in. Also, most of them are at least partially free.
I’ve never heard of any of them, but based on their titles, of the main stream ones (Match, OKCupid and EHarmony) OKCupid would clearly be the best fit. Right off the bat, it’s free. Also, if there’s a site (of the three I mentioned) where people are going to lean to the geeky side, it’s going to be OKC. Now, I should mention, that people on OKC tend to lean in every single direction you can imagine. It’s just that there’s more leaning involved there then on the other two sites. (Does that make sense?)
