A) Make it 8 emails.
B) Her first email was “You have a nice smile”, her second, a day or two later was “When are you going to take me to dinner” the rest have been things like “Hi” or emoticons.
Also, was just looking at the emails I sent over the past few days. When I got to the full email box girl, I noticed that I could ‘reply’ to the reward I sent her…how about that, got around the full email box and sent one off.
Okay, she just sent the ninth email. The last three in just a few minutes. The first (of these three) was just “Hey cutie” the second was “would you like to go out sometime” this one was "You there cutie? You’re starting to hurt a gals feelings. 
"
I mean really, I haven’t replied to a single email, this is just getting annoying now. I know I said it was a bit of an ego boost earlier, but now it’s just weird. So, just ignore them and let her keep emailing or hit the block button and put an end to it. FTR, I have NO intention of replying to her.
I think it’s time to block her, Joey. That’s creepy.
Joey, does she just not now how to use the IM feature? It sounds like that’s what she’s trying to do but is… special.
Joey, would you rather they let you buy them dinner and then say that they are not attracted to you? If they are not replying to a decent message, that means that they are not that in to you for whatever reason. Maybe they prefer guys of a different race or build or whatever. You can’t change that with politeness, pleading or anything. Why waste your time with women who have made it clear that you are not what they are looking for?
As a woman, I tend not to reply to guys who I’m not interested in dating- I have a full social life and don’t have room for many new friends… I’m not trying to be mean. I’d rather not get their hopes up, and i’d rather not be in a position where I have to convey “You seem like a cool guy, but I don’t want to have sex with you because you are fat.” (or whatever.) That is a bad scene for everyone.
And remember, women don’t owe you anythng unless you have agreed on some terms- no matter how thoughtful, friendly, nice and romantic you are. Nobody has an obligation to be attracted to you.
Try writing smart but brief notes. Say hi, drop something that makes it clear you read their profile, volunteer one sentence about yourself, ask a question and close with expressing interest in further contact. That is plenty to get the ball rolling and stand out from the spammers. A first contact with too much info makes me hesitant to reply- someone who invests more than 5-10 minutes of effort into someone they don’t know may be needy, desperate, a potential stalker, a guilt-tripper or otherwise likely to make your life uncomfortable.
FTR, this was a joke…in case anyone was worried about me.
Bah, who am I kidding, nobody cares about me!
She’s blocked and hidden. Assuming the block feature works as advertised (and I’ve read that it’s fairly buggy) she could send me 30 messages a day or drop of the face of the earth and I won’t be able to tell the difference.
I’ll follow this whole thing up by saying…I know I know, I just get frustrated and it’s just easier to vent it here once in a while.
It’s not that I’m writing 10 page notes. My longest emails are about 2 or 3 paragraphs. I’m a rambler by nature. So if I send someone an email that’s just a few sentences it either ends up being all about one thing or it ends up looking very generic. So what I normally end up doing that based on something in their profile (one paragraph about one thing, maybe a second based on something else), then a second/third paragraph with some questions based on their profile so they have something to respond to*.
Either way, the last time I got any kind of response to an email I sent was months ago. Also, I understand that some people can just look at the profile picture and my email and decide just based on that that they have no interest, I’m just amazed that of that past probably 10 or 15 emails I’ve sent out, maybe one person has viewed me. (Also, to mention it again, on match, no matter how you do it, if you view a person’s profile, their counter still increments, so I would still notice that).
*Also, these paragraphs are written in such a way that they feel like one half of a conversation, and that’s about how long they take to write (well, maybe a bit longer, 10 minutes maybe), they certainly shouldn’t give anyone the impression that I was up all night working on them.
Heh, well rant away. We all have to do that sometimes.
Seriously, though, do try being more concise with your first contact- think personal but businesslike. It’s like a cover letter…you want to express interest, briefly state how you fit in, entice them to look at your profile, and invite further contact. That is all you need to get a reply from an interested woman.
More than a paragraph or two can put a guy on the margins over the edge for me. It’s like a guy who shows up for a first date with a dozen roses. It should be sweet, but it comes off as over-invested for that stage of the relationship. It makes me think a guy has been building up expectations about me or out imaginary relationship- and I don’t want a guy thinking much more than “She seems neat, I’d like to get to know her” before we have actually met.
Don’t worry about seeming generic. Girls know that you are sending out lots of messages. Just make sure they know you read their profile and retained something from it- one paragraph is more than enough to let her know you are not a spammer. It’s like at a bar- a smile and one good personal question or comiment an open the door to conversation. You can’t just walk up to a girl and go on a monologue about how you are perfect for each other. The initial expressions of interest need to come before you begin the process of finding mutual interests and building a connection.
Rant away dude, I’m the same way. I’ll write a couple of paragraphs, say talk to you soon and ask a couple of questions. I know on Match I got zero response pretty much. I got one date in a year and only 10 replies at all, all but the one fell apart after one message.
The same thing has been going on on OKCupid lately too, no response and no views either. I just went through and deleted 30-40 messages that I’ve sent over the last couple of months. I think everyone’s on vacation.
I can’t remember–has anyone linked **The An(n)als of Online Dating **in this thread yet? If not, I’m just gonna leave this here.
I roffled.
Bingo. A high match percentage isn’t the holy fucking grail; it’s just a general guide to who you’re *more likely *to get along with.
Moot point now, but:
To you it’s an ego boost. To her, you’re the guy who just keeps ignoring her. Blowing off one generic message is fine, IMO, but if the person keeps trying to contact you, I think it’s only polite to tell them you’re not interested. Then, if they keep trying, block them.
On the subject of your own unreturned messages, I think **even sven **nailed it. I currently reply to any message where the guy at least looks like he was vaguely paying attention, even if it’s just to say I’m not interested, but that’s sucking up more and more time the longer I’m on the site–I could see at some point moving to not even replying to the ones where I’m not interested. And while sometimes long PMs can be interesting, I agree with her that’s it’s very easy for them to inadvertantly come off way too strong.
This needs to be enshrined everywhere. No matter how perfect you may think someone (you’ve never met!) appears to be, if they don’t respond, clearly they weren’t that perfect, because if they were, they’d be just as attracted to you.
But I’m awesome, they just don’t realize it yet. Would it be weird if after messaging someone, I show up where they work to show them how awesome I am or does that cross some sort of secret line that I don’t know about? 
Are you holding up a boombox to play a song while you stand stand at their desk and make really uncomfortable eye contact? Possibly while softly mouthing the words along with the music?
I was thinking of doing it without the boombox, and maybe something along the lines of OPP or Hip Hop Hooray…too much?
I used to look at Craigslist just for the entertainment value. Sometime early last year, for the Long Island (and Queens too) w4m section, the number of w4m entries started to decline greatly, such that by Summer 2010 the number of W4W entries consistently outnumbered the w4m entries; the number of w4m entries has continued to fall (from a low starting number no less) so as to become a joke - nowadays you routinuely find the “too few matches in your area” message for Long Island, and there isn’t much entertainment value in that… :smack:
The only issue I have with this advice is the great number of admonitory messages women post on their profiles scolding men for posting very brief messages containing no real substance-- “I will NOT respond to those” bbbyyy. Truth is, I suspect, that most people are responding to attractive photos (or other superficial attractions) and are rationalizing the way they respond (or don’t) to being approached. Sometimes I read profiles that specify traits I have (“I want an academic who teaches film and likes to paint” so I write a note asserting that amazingly I have those qualities in abundance) and get either no response or a curt “Sorry, don’t see a match here. Best of luck,” leading me to question how seriously the qualities she described were really all that important to her.
You’re all losers. Get out of your basements, take up a social hobby and meet somebody.
22 posts on our message board and just shy of 10% of them are insulting other posters. You’re off to a great start.
I’m surprised it took us 1877 posts before we got this comment.
Mr. McCool, you are not allowed to insult other posters in this forum. Stop doing this now, unless you want a formal warning which could lead to revocation of your account.
Ellen Cherry
IMHO Moderator
Here’s an observation, not an insult. You are seriously lacking in perspective when using mathematical figures. The way you attack me in that post, you make it sound like 80% of my posts are insulting others, when, in reality you’re ONLY talking about less than 10%. Most of which were in response to other posters attacking me.
I have no explanation for my one and only unprovoked (mild) insult in this thread except for my sense of humour.
Carry on everybody, but really, I’m glad I’ve been married for 14 years. I don’t like how the dating scene has changed and find it more than a little dangerous.