This trend has been going on with me lately. It seems like the only people of the opposite sex that find me attractive, or are interested in spending time with me in more than just a ‘friends’ setting, are people I can’t stand. Either I find them very unattractive, or they are very controlling, manipulative people who prey on passive, easygoing guys. I guess in short, the only girls that like me are either too crazy or too ugly (or both).
Another group of women that seem to find me attractive are those ladies who are twice my age (now this alone doesn’t bother me. I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with a forty-year old woman. However they are always very drunk when they are attracted to me, so obviously they are seeing something else through their beer goggles when they are ogling me. Suffice to say it doesn’t help one’s self-esteem when they only people that openly like that individual are desperate/crazy/intoxicated
Awwww, I’m sure there are women who like you who are closer to your age, attractive and sober. Maybe it’s just that you seem to notice all these other women you’re not attracted to. If you’re an easy going guy, I suppose you will find some people will think that means you’re a pushover…show them that you’re not. Show a little more confidence in yourself and maybe someone more suitable will notice you. Good luck.
It sounds as if you are referring to women approaching YOU - have you tried to initiate a conversation with someone you find attractive? In other words, stop being passive (easygoing is good, stick with that).
As for the others, shrug it off and be grateful you’re getting interest from women, period!
No, seriously! See, subconsciously a lot of guys go looking for similiar traits to their mother in a girlfriend - same with girls and daddy. If you had a screwed up relationship with mom that can sometimes explain girlfriend problems. Well, think about it anyway.
I also get the feeling that these women who are hitting on you, being older, are attracted to you because you’re SOOO CUUUUTEEEEE! You might try being less cute, a little more dangerous. Get a scratched up old black leather jacket, get tan, cut your hair shorter. Then you won’t radiate a “I’m so cute and innocent, come cuddle me!” vibe. Which is the worst thing you can do as a guy, since you’ll only attract insecure women who are afraid of grown men and who are looking for a little brother instead of a date.
-Ben
Wait a minute! You have drunk 40 year old women coming on to you, and you’re complaining? You just can’t imagine how unsympathetic I am to this crisis.
Is this OP a joke?
Seriously though Incubus, if you are 20 yoa, I have sympathy for you. You are about to enter the Dating Dark Ages. My advice is to nail as many of those drunk old chicks as you can. it will help you maintain your sanity so you can deal with the women your own age.
You might be very attractive to shy women, but they don’t approach you, so you have to be fairly alert to notice them. Some of them are too shy to respond to signs of interest, too, unless you really make an effort.
Similarly, advertising has convinced many women that they’re hideous, fat, and generally repulsive. They’re certainly not going to approach you.
I have two female friends who think this way… they spend their time bitching about being too unattractive to get men, but they don’t TRY, because they’re sure they couldn’t get any.
I do have the amazing ability to attract men old enough to be my Dad. I thought I’d grown out of it, but no. My friends all find it very amusing, whereas I find it down right embarassing. I can’t quite understand why a hideous 45 year old, would think that I, at 23, would be interested in them. I like men approximately my own age, thanks.
I have this happen to me at the library I work at all the time! Why is it that the male patrons who seem to be the most overt in their interest are always the ones you’d least like to have notice you? Oh, yes, big boy, I’ve just been looking for a guy who spends his day at the library, playing checkers on Yahoo games for hours on end. And you have your very own room at your mom’s house?! Wow! That gets me so hot! Mmmm, please, let’s take that bus pass of yours and head on back to your place before your mom gets out of work. And maybe we can watch Star Trek videos, too!
Incubus , The reason why those women who are 40 hit on you when they appear drunk is because They Want A One Night Stand with you. Appearing ‘drunk’ gives them a nice out the next morning incase the male involved should feel ‘clingy’ afterwards.
Suggestion? Go for it! It’ll make them happy and it might teach you something (like whether that other OP that said to use ‘the flat of the tongue’ works or not). If a smile, like a stone dropped in a pool, makes the world better by a thousand ripples of good will, imagine how much better you can make the world with a night of <BarryWhite> ‘Hot Steamy Luv’. </Barry White>
