i’m 18 years old, consider myself attractive (although a little weedy), and have quite a good personality, but i have never had a relationship with a girl, or a girlfriend for that matter.
I have had interest from girls before, but they lose interest quickly when i want to get serious, i dont know what i’m doing wrong…
I attend college 5 days a week and are surrounded by attractive girls, but can never come up wth a plausable reason to start a conversation, i cant just start talking.
whats more, it seems to me that girls want loudmouth yobbo types who treat them mean and keep them keen, and bullshit a lot… thats not a role i can play easy. I be nice and flirty but it hasnt “worked”.
So what is it girls want? How can i become attractive and boyfriend materal for these girls. i dont want any crap about finding the girl that likes me for what i am, although that would be nice, i want some fun while i’m still young.
An 18-year-old girl is “young” and “cute”.
An 18-year-old boy is “immature” and “inexperienced”.
And underconfidence, shyness, and awkwardness in a girl is not nearly as big an impediment to romantic involvement as are underconfidence, shyness, and awkwardness in a boy.
As a general trend – and I’m talking about gross averages and the desires of the general population here, not any one specific case – men tend to be viewed as sexier as they get older, while women just tend to be viewed as older.
So, look on the bright side – by the time you’re 40, you’ll be fighting them off with a stick!
Most of college social life happens in the dorms, bars and week-end activities. If you are just attending days you are missing out on most of it. Why don’t you try asking someone out to do something?
Also, there’s no reason to “get serious” at 18. Just relax and don’t worry about whether or not she’s going to be your girlfriend 10 minutes into your first conversation.
Maybe you smell bad. Or maybe you have big glasses and acne. Maybe you smoke. Maybe you have a bad attitude. Or maybe you don’t. I dont know. Those things would turn me off from an otherwise decent guy.
But so what if you don’t find someone soon? You’re only 18. You have the rest of your life to find the right person.
I don’t think you can stress that enough. You can’t force a relationship into getting ‘serious’. If it’s gonna happen, it’ll happen. Get out and go to some parties and activities and meet some people.
Welcome to the boards, BrainFreeze. . . and can I ask what ‘weedy’ is?
Nothing will kill a girl’s interest in you faster than your seeming desparate. Play it coy. As far as meeting girls, don’t just rely on striking up random conversations. Join some of the student groups on campus, and get involved in activities. You’ll meet people with similar interests, and even if you don’t find a girlfriend, you’ll probably have a good time.
You got your answer in the very first reply, by Giraffe:
“You also may need to dress better and/or work out.”
If you’re looking for a magic bullet (and I believe you are) that is a close as you will find short of hitting the lottery or fronting the next big rock band. Look good and that will do the talking for you.
Now many other posters will coach you to be yourself, treat the girls with respect, be witty and spontaneous, etc., etc. Well bless their hearts. They are of course right, but oh so WRONG!
ANY – I repeat, ANY – 18 y.o. girl can rationalize dating a good looking guy with character flaws. Few girls will happily date a schlub, regardless of his sterling personality. (Yes there are exceptions, but that’s why they call them exceptions, Jack.)
If you feel shallow and superficial following Giraffe’s advice, look at it this way. It will also improve your self confidence – a plus in the girlhunt dept. And it will improve your health too – a plus in the lifestyle dept.
K2Dave said, “At that age you have to treat them like dirt. Remember nice guys finish last (at least at your age range)”
I sincerely hope he was joking. I’m 15 (although not 18, only three years younger and I have dated 18-year-olds, so I know a bit about them). The thing is, bad boys have that initial attraction of being dangerous. However, the nice guys are also much in demand. I, personally, look for nice guys with a bit of an edge.
Also, stuyguy said that girls look for a good-looking guy. As much as I hate to admit it, this is true. We generally do end up falling for the handsome ones. So go the extra mile and get in shape. Get a little bit of muscle (not too much, just a little bit of definition.) Care about how you dress.
You said that you have had relationships before that end when you want to get serious. How far into the relationship was this? I broke up with my last boyfriend when he told me he loved me entirely too early in the relationship. Getting too serious too fast kind of scares us.
As for meeting girls, go out and have fun! Go to some parties and loosen up a bit. You can also go up to a girl in one of your classes and say something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed you for awhile…you seem like a really interesting person and I’d love to get to know you better. Do you want to go out for a cup of coffee sometime?” (note: if you don’t like coffee, replace that with something else but keep it casual.
If you have any further questions about this or want to get into detail a bit more and don’t want to in the thread, you can always email or instant message me (email address and screen name are in my profile).
Bwahaaa. I’m 40(ish), and I get called “sir” a lot. I would like to have female type friends, but here on campus nobody seems interested in hanging out with someone old enough to be their father. besides, I couldn’t get dates when I was younger, so why start now?
And finding someone my own age is not something I care for, either–I don’t want to date grandmothers, for crying out loud.
But don’t worry, BrainFreeze, things have a way of working out eventually. Just be hopeful, don’t give up, and good stuff will happen. And sorry about hijacking your thread!
Because you want to get serious too fast? Because you want a girlfriend so badly she can see you’re desparate?
As the others have suggested, get involved with a few different things and get to know people. Just be friendly with people for awhile, and then get to the romance part. Or go out with large groups and get a friend to introduce you to someone they know.
Be happy with yourself and who you are, and people will be attracted to that. You don’t have to be handsome; you do have to be reasonably self-secure.
So you only want a ‘hot babe’ and have no interest in a nice, friendly girl who isn’t necessarily gorgeous and who doesn’t want to hit the sack right away? If that’s it, no wonder you’re having trouble.
monica somewhat joking but somewhat serious. YOu even said that there was an initial attraction.
As mentioned above join some clubs - try to find one that has a greater female percent but something you like doing - don’t pretend to like something (unless your just looking for a quick lay then dumping her). Try to pick something that the members will break up into smaller groups to complete a task instead of something that the entire group does together.
girls want guys who really, really listen, not just act like it. and can communicate in return. and as far as “serious”–they may enjoy being exclusive, but not too serious. 40 years ago, an 18 year-old was on a husband hunt. she’s not now.
when i was 18, i only liked shy, skinny, intellectual types; well, i still do. those hulky guys never interested me. but i wanted, and still prefer, a man who is interested in a variety of subjects, and interested in exploring life, not just settling into it.
