I dont get it. I’ve tried and tried again, but for some reason I cant get a girlfriend. I know its not looks, cause I’m not bad looking, nor is it anything else that I know. I was wondering from either the girls out there, what is the best thing a guy can do to get a girls attention, or what is the best way to get a girl to like you, and for the guys who are sucessful with dating (and I dont mean like trashing the girls either!), what they did. Your help and opinions would be GREATLY appriciated. oh, and I’ve never had a girlfriend, and only been on one date. hmph, life’ll do that to ya sometimes.
hey! comon! last I checked, 5 people visited and no messages? cant you atleast give a little imput?
It never occurred to me to do something to get a girl’s attentions. If we clicked, then we clicked. No matter where we met, or who was around. Trying to figure out HOW to get a girl to like me always seemed a bit insane. Maybe…you should stop trying hard and just be you.
<-----male, 38, married for almost 200 years.
Cartooniverse
[guy from Pulp Fiction who gets his head blown off]
"I don’t even have an opinion**
[/guy]
I wish I could tell you but I don’t even know what I want!!
All I know is that it has to better than being alone so i’m not going to give up.
I think that you [generally] just need to be yourself, be open to people, and don’t try to be what you think women want you to be.
But then again, I’m divorced, and just look at my track record on the board;)
Well, this isn’t really a factual question, more a matter of opinion/personal experiences, so I’ll bump it over to our IMHO forum for you.
Meanwhile, if you do get an answer, could you please let me know?
Well, 90% of women like assholes. You know, guys who will treat them like shit, ignore them etc. They also want big, ugly beefy guys with small penises.
I however, am rare for my gender. I like scrawny, cute, geeky guys who are nice. But yeah, guys don’t like me because I don’t settle for asshole guys. shrug In my opinion, maybe you just need to be an asshole and ignore chicks and they’ll come running.
[yes, I’m very bitter about the female gender]
The most attractive (not physically, just guys I wanted to spend more time with and get to know better) men I have ever known were warm and friendly when I met them. They made eye contact, asked me about myself and volunteered information about themselves. They were engaging and gentle. They weren’t afraid to extend themselves to me and form a rapport.
That drives me crazy (in a good way). My relationship with men is complicated, but I have a little enclave in my heart, a handful of guys I have adored and will always love.
Every girl wants a different thing, but we’re all wanting a man who will treat us well. If we find one who suits our criteria is another story…
Just be open and honest and exactly who you are. There will be people who are attracted to who you are. Fake people tend to be the least attractive in my mind, especially when it’s obvious that the guy is bullshitting me to get in my pants. Just be patient, she’ll come along. Maybe she’s already there but too shy to tell ya. IF things work out for me, I may have found someone I greatly appreciate as a friend if not more.
Key words here, sweetie. Part of seeming warm and friendly to someone is getting in the woman’s personal space without making her feel uncomfortable. If a guy is attracted to me, I’ll have an easier time figuring this out if he makes an effort to get in my personal space. I also tend to get in people’s personal space a lot faster if I’m attracted to them.
One of Kolodny’s rules: “Don’t press; let it happen”.
Don’t mean to frustrate ya, but 's the truth. The harder you look, the less you’ll find. Sure understand your desire to have a relationship, but it’ll help to put the horse back in front of the carriage.
Practical advice: desperation gives off negative vibes. Instead of looking for any girl, look around and see which ones you’d genuinely enjoy spending time with. Similar interests, sense of humor, etc. are good tipoffs. If nothing else, you’ll make friends, get in some practice on the dating scene and signal your interest and availability.
Good luck. It’ll happen. Just give it time, and enjoy the process.
Veb
Well, I’m not sure if it’ll help at all but I’ve noticed that I usually end up falling for guy friends. I know that they’ll be there for me and that they care about me (that’s what friends are for isn’t it?) I love guys who are playful without being annoying. I do have the tendency to squeak when tickled and though I say I hate it, it’s kind of fun. The guy can’t be jealous, protective is sweet, overly jealous is annoying because I’m a huggy person with my guy friends whether I have a boyfriend or not. Just be yourself, being fake never works because in the long run you can’t stay together if you’re not comfortable to be yourself. Well I’ve got to go run and ice my wounds but I’ll be back later.
Kitty
Um… guys who aren’t boring or too shy… but are warm, friendly, honest, and intelligent. Guys who can have a conversation. Guys with opinions. I don’t like the soggy guys with no opinions who just parrot your own back at you in hopes it makes them seem agreeable. They’re boring!!!
The best relationships I have had (including Mr. Del, of course) have resulted from good friendships. I’m the kind of girl who likes to feel very comfortable around someone before we move to the romantic stage. Some people say that’s not exciting, but I thought it was thrilling! It can be just as romantic as meeting a handsome stranger.
I also think some common interests help. What are you interested in? If you like books, you won’t meet anyone sitting in your room and reading, but you will meet people if you join a book club or go to readings at your library or college. If you like sports, don’t watch the game on TV, go to a pub that’s showing the game.
I was always very attracted to guys who had a lot going on. Someone who has a friends, a volleyball club, and volunteered at a youth center just screamed “good boyfriend potential!” to me. After one particularly disasterous boyfriend, I became very wary of men who seemed to have no life other than seeking out a girlfriend. I realize that a shy person might only have one or two close friends … I’m talking about people who seem to have no friends – there’s usually a reason!
You will probably meet many people who are perfectly nice, but not the one you want to date. Don’t write these women off, keep them as friends. They will have sisters, cousins, roommates, coworkers whom you could also meet. (Plus, you can never have too many friends, but I’m trying to stick to the question in the OP.)
One final thought – carefully think about your dating goals, and ask yourself if you are being too picky. It’s a good thing to have high standards, but if your mental image of your future girlfriend is too specific, you might be limiting yourself. Be open to dating all kinds of girls: the girlfriend you think you want, and the girlfriend who will eventually knock your socks off might be completely different.
Continuing delphica’s line, if you have the chance, do something you like (and something you’re good at!) in the company of young women.
Sports, clubs, whatever. Especially activities that call for teamwork, but anything goes. I’ve kissed female scout leaders (Danish scouts are mostly co-ed :)), girls I shot pistols with and girls I climbed with. Back then I wouldn’t have had the nerve to chat them up in a bar or the like, but once you’re having a spot of fun together, one thing very easily leads to another.
You’ll have a good time no matter what, they’ll see you at your very best (try to excel at whatever you’re doing), and the situation is completely - ehm - defused.
Obviously, social traditions might vary from one side of the pond to another, so YMMV.
S. Norman
I feel you’re pain, Caesar0211. You’re not gonna like this, but… give it up!!
It worked for me! I went 25 years without ever having a girlfriend, basically because I made such a jerk out of myself trying to put the moves on every woman I came in contact with! As soon as I decided that I was destined to be alone, and stopped acting like I was on the prowl, BAM! there was girlfriend number 1! I lived with her for 2 years, then we broke up…
“Hey,” I thought, “I’m hot shit! I lived with a woman for 2 years! Must be something cool about me!”
I went back to acting like a jerk (tho I didn’t realize it at the time)… absolutely no luck with women!
Again, eventually I gave up and decided that God must have a plan for me to be alone, BAM!!! there was my fiancee (who asked me out first! All 310 lbs. of me…!!!)! I am truly blessed!
[shameless brag]And my fiancee is a stone-cold fox!!! She is also smarter than me, has a great sense of humor, is fun to talk to, is my best friend, and (edited for family content)s like a succubus![/shameless brag]
To sum up: be yourself, don’t worry about it, and trust that the right girl IS out there, and you WILL find her eventually!
DAMN!!!
Should have been: “I feel your pain…”
bad English teacher! Bad! BAD!!
But since I’m here, I second everything that the last guy said!
Depends on the girl.
Girls are people too! So, I’m going to echo pretty much everyone else. Be who you want to be. For yourself. Be comfortable with yourself, happy with who you are and where you are going. A girlfriend is not the end all and be all. She should fit you as well as you fit her.
Chicks dig gay guys. Maybe you should get it on with you friends?
When you finished that, can you let me know what guys like, because, even if I am one myself, I still haven’t figured that one out…
PLEASE don’t be like this!!! I am sure you will find someone who is truly wonderful when the time is right.
Maybe you have made a hobby out of finding the perfect girl! Perhaps in your quest to find someone with supermodel looks and a brain like einstein, you have overlooked a “four-leaf-clover” Just be yourself, stop worrying, and don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. (I am assuming that you are in your teens. If I am wrong, by all means, correct me!)
Sassy
I’ll try to not speak for the entire female community, but the case with many women is that even we don’t always know what we want. Men we’re attracted to are like obscenity: we know them when we see them.
(Okay, so the pronouns didn’t fit exactly. Cut me some slack and don’t make me ruin my simile.)
My advice: don’t let a lack of romantic attachment run your life. Just live. Go to your classes or your job or whatever it is you do. Join clubs. Smile at people. Have fun. Once you’ve lost the tension of all those “My god why don’t I have a girlfriend I must be some kind of troll what’swrongwithmeohmygod!” thoughts, not only will you be a happier person, you’ll be much more at ease with yourself. That’s something that damn near every woman will find attractive.
Love isn’t something you can seek out or hunt down. I know. Once you stop looking for it, I bet you dollars to doughnuts that it’ll find you.