Due to my lack of sleep, please excuse my ramblings.
First, I hear my parents are splitting up. Then my GF informs me that she is over a month late for her period (I can’t afford a baby now, this was really stressing me out thinking about getting a 2nd job to support a child). Then something happens which gives me cause to doubt my GFs faithfulness (thankfully disproven, but still another bad day in a row).
Things then start to calm down. I tell my GF not to worry about money, that I’ll figure something out. I start to get comfortable with the idea of being a father. I start to look forward to it. Then it happens. She had a miscarriage last night. I spent all night in the ER with her and STILL had to go to work today (hey, I need my 40 hrs per week). So here I am cruising on about 2 hours sleep in the last 28 hours, with about 6 hours to go before I can even take a catnap.
I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. I’m just wondering does bad shit always happen in groups like this (last year in the space of about 3 weeks in January I lost my fiance, job, and apartment), or does it just seem that way?
Depression begets depression.
Say you lose your job. If you are depressed it’s just another spadeful of dirt thrown from the hole of your life. If, at the time you lose your job, you are in generally positive frame of mind, you may be able to look at the loss as a stepping stone to something better.
So, yes. Bad shit happens in bunches. But godd shit happens in bunches too. Often it’s a question of how you perceive it.
Thanks ChiefScott. I realize I need to look for the positive things. With what’s happened this week, I forget to do that.
Positive things about my parents’ recent problems:
They may be happier if they split up, which is good for them.
The problems have convinced my father to go to counseling to control his temper (and me as well, since I have inherited his temper)
Positive things about the miscarriage:
. . .
umm, nothing. Other than the fact I won’t have to get a 2nd job to help pay for the baby. That just seems such an insignificant thing to me though. I went to school full time and had a full time job after I got out of the Air Force, so I know could work 2 jobs. And it wouldn’t have had to be for long, since I get a raise every 6 months at AT&T.
I also know that there isn’t some cosmic force out there saying, “Hey, I haven’t fucked with Ron in a while, dump some shit on him all this week to make up for it.” I don’t want anyone to think I believe there’s an otherworldly conspiracy against me. I never thought about “depression begets depression” ChiefScott, that’s a good way of putting it. It just seems bad things happen in bunches because I’m depressed about one bad thing and failing to see a silver lining, the next major occurance seems like a bad thing.
Just a couple days ago, Honesty was telling me that I focus on the negative and that I need to sometimes clear my head and look at the whole instead of just the bad. As usual, when a woman tells something to a man, she’s right. I guess I need a slight personality adjustment. Any suggestions how that’s done?
What’s the line from that Beatles song? (I’m sure pepperlandgirl can help with this one)
You have to admit it’s getting better
Getting better all the time
(it can’t get much worse)
So kinda hijacking my own thread here, anyone have any ideas on how to brighten your outlook? I tend to overanalyze the problems, wondering how I can fix them, when often I can’t - please refrain fromt he serenity prayer, I’ve heard it. Maybe if I could just learn to not dwell on the negatives and see the positives, things wouldn’t seem so bad. So how can you change your attitude when it comes to something like that? Is it as simple as just making the conscious decision to changey our outlook?
When something befalls you, try to divorce yourself as much as possible from the problem/bad thing. Place that happening upon someone else, a good friend, a brother, a male aquaintence, someone who’s life position closely mirrors your position.
Then stand back away from the problem and think, “What advice would I give my friend?” It sounds clinical, but with a little practice, it works.
Thanks again, ChiefScott. A main problem of mine is I get emotional first, then think about it later. Since I know that’s a problem, I should now be able to take steps to change it. Your suggestion makes perfect sense. I tend to want to react right away, and more often than not that gets me in trouble or I make a complete ass of myself. Just something I have to work on, and your idea seems to be a good place to start.
I’m so, so sorry to hear about your girlfriend’s miscarriage. I had one myself a couple of months ago, if you or her need to talk to somebody who has recently been there, feel free to e-mail me. My pregnancy wasn’t planned either, and I know what an emotional rollercoaster you two must be going on right now.
ChiefScott gave you some good advice. Sometimes it does help to distance yourself from your problems and look at them as an outsider would.
Thanks tatertot. I’m sorry to hear you had to go through it also. I’ll ask Honesty if she wants to talk about it. I know I’m upset about this, but I can only imagine how much worse it is for her.
Since I couldn’t get out of work today, I haven’t been able to see her since she got out of the hospital. My sister (she’s an RN) is with her at my apartment. I’ve called from work to see how she’s doing, but she is almost always asleep (understandable, since she’s been awake as long as me, plus she had to go through the physical pain of it). The last time we talked she said she’s feeling better, but still just wants to sleep some more.
Just so you know, Ron, it will probably take a while before she’s feeling herself physically again. I still had morning sickness a week after my miscarriage and it took a good 3 weeks for the pregnancy tiredness to go away. The pregnancy hormones gradually reduce, so it takes awhile. Makes sense, but I never thought about it. You just feel like crap inside and out.
Please, do encourage her to write or IM me if she feels like it. My AOL IM is tracytatelong. Creative, huh? That goes for you, too. I know you probably feel like you need to be strong for her, but this is something that happened to you, too.
Geez, Brat…I’m sorry to hear about all this. I hope things start getting better…I don’t want to have to teach life a lesson or two about how to properly teach fellow Python fans…it’s pretty hard work. I hope you and your GF start seeing some better jobs.
(It’s got nothing to do with it…but it’s Python)
Ya gotta remember…no one expected the Spanish Inquisition…
(Maybe you could find a way to tie it into this somehow)
Sorry to hear about your woes Bratman. The reason trouble always comes together is because if one bad thing happens, other bad things just seem magnified. Like when a girl rejects you, as like what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I was already feeling crappy because of other things, and the girl’s rejection just seemed a hundred times worse. But, like ChiefScott said, it’s the same with good stuff. If something really good happens, it’s like you’re walking on air, and nothing can touch you.
ChiefScott gave you some good advice. I hope you feel better soon. I know it’s hard, especially when something like what just happened happens, but you’ve got to get through it. If you need to talk, I’m around. Just drop me an e-mail.
I’m sending an extra dose of warm wishes your way. You’re going through some tough times I can’t even imagine having to deal with.
I tend to overanalyze my problems as well, BratMan, so I can relate. There are times when I have thought nonstop about my problems, and it’s really easy to dwell on the negatives. When I get into a funk like that, I try to make myself think of something good to say about it. Even saying something as stupid as, “Well, at least my life isn’t boring!” has helped me a little.
I’ll be thinking of you and Honesty both. I offer my e-mail ear to you as well. Keep your head up, my friend.
But chiefscott got it right: it only seems like it comes in blocks. We tend to overlook things when we’re happy while often every little pebble will not only be noticed but be a major problem when you’re down. Not that these probs are pebbles - they’re not but life will get better. Don’t let it get you down.
I just wanted to thank everyone again. Honesty has just read this thread with me and thanks everyone also.
She’s was feeling beter earlier, but isn’t feeling so well at the moment. She’s still mad about the hospital visit. We were at the emergency room for about 2 1/2 hours before a doctor even saw her and then another 2 hours after that before they did anything for her. I was in the ER waiting room for over an hour after Honesty had asked for me to be in the room with her before anyone told me about it. They also saw what kind of insurance she has, but didn’t bother to tell us they don’t take that company, so now I have to pay for the hospital visit all myself. Honesty did call the insurance company about that today though, and the company says they will try to make the hospital pay for it anyway because they didn’t tell us up front.
Enough ranting about the evils of the medical profession though. Honesty is feeling better little by little and we both send you all our thanks for your well wishes.
