The perfect fucking end to the perfect fucking week.

The BBQ Pit
1

Fuck Fuck Fuck… First I have to say, I’m not in the best state to type, so please don’t flame my typos.
FUCK… First, an old friend cuts off ties… it’s kinda cool, we needed too cool out our relationship anyway, it just hurt regardless…

Then, I find out my job might be leaving the country. FUCK.

Then I find out my daughter has a urinary track infection. Fucking ecolie (sp?) (I’m not in the mood to check the spelling, screw off). Fucking ecolie. As far as I knew, it was like the fucking plaugue, no one fucking gets that unless they eat at Jack in the Box (cheap attempt at humor).

OK, so far I can deal with that… Little girls wipe the wrong way, apperantly, shit (excuse the pun) happens.

Stepping back, I am trying to donate my car to charity. I want to give something to my community, cause I’ve fucking fucked up enough in my life. So, I start a thread to find good charities. ( I’m to lazy to look it up right now.) I find one, throudgh honest to god research, and the fucking mother fuckers blow me off on the car pickup and are rude to ME when I cal l them back. Fuck those mother fuckers, I’ll find a charity that deserves my fucking well running car.

Then, while I’m sitting there waitning for the non-existant car pick up, I find out my dad has to go for fucking open heart surgery. I can’t fucking deal anymore.

I don’t want to have to deal with it. I know I have to. I’m the oldest male in myh family. It’s just a fact of life that I have to deal with the fact that my dad might die. Dead.

I don’t want to haveto deal with that. I’m always the quiet one. I’m not spoiled like my mom (I don’t blame her, she found the perfect guy. Good for her :slight_smile: She deserves it) I’m not a drama queen like my sister (different rant, different day). I’m always stuck dealing with the tradgedies. I don’t want to have to deal with this. I guess its like my dad told me a couple of months ago, “We’re men, and we have to deal with this to protect you’re mom.”
FUCK. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO DEAL WIHT THIS RIGHT NOWL,

I know eventually I’ll have to deal with what ever happens, but I don’t, I DON"T want to right now. I know what I have to do. I have to be strong for my mom and my sister and my family. But FUCK, who is going to be strong for me. I have to be here for everyone, but I have to be STRONGE and be a man for them all.

Shit, I can’t write any more. I’m drunk as shit (not a good reason for being dumb, I know), but I can’t fucking deal wiht this. I don’t mean htat as something dramatic. I just don’t want to have to be a dad, and a husband, and a brother, and a father, when I feel like such a scared little boy inside.

Thanks for listening to my little rant.

2

have to put somethign in the fields- just wanted to let you know I read it.

3

bobojoe,

Thanks. I don’t expect resposes. Its a pretty fucked up post. I just feel better getting it all out.

I realize it makes no sense, and is jumping from subject to subject. Sometimes you just have to write what you feel.

I’ll be OK.

Thanks again.

4

It makes total sense. Shit is piling up to fuck you over the back of an arthritic donkey with crabs.

At least you still have your health:)

5

I’ve been there blur…
I know what it’s like to have everyone depend on you and you feel like you’re ready to collapse yourself.
You’ll make it through this.
Since this is the Pit…
Cocksmoker!

6

I hear that. I don’t even have to be half those things, and I still know just how you feel. Such is life, you know? You’ll pull through, though. Most people may be fucks, but some of them are cool, and some of them love you. Keep up the good work.

Oh, and, uh… if you’ve still got that car problem… I could take it off your hands, hehe.

7

Blur, it’s a bastard when it never rains, but it pours.

I wish I was close enough to lend you an umbrella.

My thoughts with you and your family. Thanks for letting the rest of us know – there are a lot here who care.

8

I feel fer ya, Blur.

As it’s been said, when it rains, it pours. :frowning:

Just know, though, that things do get better eventually. Trust me. I’ve been there.

At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, I submit this post…

(Oh, and cuz this is the pit, fuck the world!)

Elly

9

To quote what I’ve always thought was the single most profound thing Stephen King ever wrote: “God can piss down the back of your neck all your life, but He’s only going to drown you once.”

Less crudely, from a source I’ve forgotten: You can only go halfway through the darkest forest. Then you’re coming out the other side.

10

Fucking sucks, man. I know where you are coming from. I’m the older brother in my family. Older than my cousins, too. I’m expected to be “the rock” for everybody just like you are. It’s such bullshit that you have to be strong for everyone else while hiding how you feel inside. It’s hard, but it will get better, trust me.

11

Too drunk myself to say anything profound, blur, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, mate.
BTW, you might want to try screaming and crying your lungs out in private. It can help. It really can. Bawling does not make you not strong. Strong is probably not even the right word.
IMO be honest with yourself about how you feel. If you can’t do that, you can’t really be there for anyone else.
BTWBTW You don’t have to be there for anyone else. if you’re doing it, then you’re doing it because of who you have decided to be, and who you are is beautiful.

Just be the best person you know how to be, dude, and let other people do the same.

Hugs.

12

I know that there isn’t much a person can say in a time like this that doesn’t seem trite (hope I am using that right). But stick with it, life throws you for loops… granted sometimes it is for huge nasty fuckin loops, but there is always another side and if you stick your ground you will be better for the wear. And remember that all these fine folks at the SDMB are always willing to lend an ear.