The Poetry of Donald J. TRump -- July 28 2020 edition

[Applause}

I don’t know who the Proud Boys are.
You’ll have to give me a definition
Because I really don’t know who they are.

I can only say they have to stand down
And let law enforcement do their work.
As people see how bad this radical liberal Democrat movement is
And how weak
The law enforcement is going to come back stronger and stronger.

But again, I don’t know who Proud Boys are,
But whoever they are, they have to stand down
And let law enforcement do their work.

A beautiful thing. Trump almost achieves chiasmus.* And without taking any courses in poetry.

He’s a natural!

*Look it up.

A loving ode to COVID:

And one thing’s for certain
Don’t let it dominate you
Don’t be afraid of it

You’re gonna beat it
We have the best medical equipment
We have the best medicines
All developed recently
And you’re gonna beat it

We’re going back.
We’re going back to work.
We’re gonna be out front.

As your leader I had to do that.
I knew there’s danger to it
but I had to do it.

I stood out front.
I led.
Nobody that’s a leader would not do what I did.

And I know there’s a risk
There’s a danger
But that’s OK

And now I’m better
And maybe I’m immune
I don’t know!

Bravo!

A perfect record of a significant speech by Trump.

This one I can envision as lyrics from a Broadway musical…

Hi,
Perhaps you recognize me?
It’s your favorite president.
And I’m standing in front of the Oval Office
At the White House,
Which is always an exciting place to be.

I got back a day ago from Walter Reed Medical Center.
I spent four days there, and didn’t have to,
I could’ve stayed at the White House,
But the doctors said,
“Because you’re president, let’s do it.”
I said,
“Fine.
You tell me what to do,
And I’m going to listen.”

These are great professionals.
They’ve done a fantastic job.
And by the way,
Not only at Walter Reed,
All over the country,
We have the greatest doctors in the world,
We have the greatest nurses,
The greatest first responders,
Law enforcement, by the way,

Incredible,
Firefighters,
Everybody.

They’re just great.
We have great people.
This is a great country.

But I spent four days there
And I went in
And I wasn’t feeling so hot,
And within a very short period of time,
They gave me Regeneron.
It’s called Regeneron,
And other things too.
But I think this was the key,
But they gave me Regeneron,
And it was like,
Unbelievable.

I felt good immediately.
I felt as good three days ago as I do now.

So I just want to say,
We have Regeneron.
We have a very similar drug from Eli Lilly
And they’re coming out
And we’re trying to get them on an emergency basis.
We’ve authorized it.
I’ve authorized it.
If you’re in the hospital
And you’re feeling really bad,
I think we’re going to work it
So that you get them
And you’re going to get them free,
And especially if you’re a senior,
We’re going to get you in there quick.
We have hundreds of thousands of doses
That are just about ready.

I have emergency use authorization,
All set,
And we got to get it signed now,
And you’re going to get better.
You’re going to get better,
Really fast.
This is things that nobody even thought of a few months ago.
The job that the scientists,
The labs,
Everybody has done
Is incredible.

Then in addition to that,
You have various other drugs that help a lot.
But I view these,
I know they call them therapeutic,
But to me it wasn’t therapeutic,
It just made me better.
I call that a cure.
So I want to get these things done.
So we have to get them done.
We have to get them approved,
And I want to get them to the hospitals
Where people are feeling badly.
That’s much more important to me than the vaccine.

“Buy Trump-brand Regeneron. More important than a vaccine. Because who knows when we’ll get that?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdAEtkjDO3k

See also here

Slogan of the decade!

So it’s likely that you won’t get that course of treatment with Regeneron, and it’ll cost an arm and a leg. Or two arms and two legs, more likely.

America’s Seniors in the Age of Covid, A Trump-ka

You’re not vulnerable
But they like to say the
Vulnerable, but
You’re the least vulnerable
But for this one thing
You are vulnerable

(I realize the syllabic counts are off, but it was sooooo close…)

Whence comes this?

I sorta-kinda look forward to the rhymes and meters he produces once he’s no longer in a position to write FREE verse.

I am a yuge fan of this thread. It has everything I love.

My wife played it for me, the other night…

Frack-tured Rhythm:

He gets up and he says,
We’re not fracking.
We’re not fracking.
He was fracking.
For six months he was fracking.
He was raising his –
his very thin hand
and he was fracking.

And now all of a sudden
he’s not fracking.
Well, tell the Pennsylvania people
that you’re going –
it’s ridiculous.
He said he’s not fracking.

That’s all he said.
And then
all of a sudden
he goes to a fracking mode.

And how about her,
she committed her life to it.
And all of a sudden she’s a fracker.
She’s a big fracker.

They’re going to stop fracking the minute they get into office.
They’re lying to everybody.
They’re lying about so many different things.
But you have to confront people.
You can’t do it over the computer.

Trump at the Prescott AZ airport, October 19 2020

Mr. President, can you tell us why — what your campaign strategy seems to be to call Biden a “criminal”? Why is that?

He is a criminal.
He’s a criminal.
He got caught —

He was the Vice President of the United States

Read his laptop.
And you know who’s a criminal?
You’re a criminal
For not reporting it.
You are a criminal for not reporting it.

I’m asking your strategy.

Let me tell you something:
Joe Biden is a criminal,
And he’s been a criminal for a long time.
And you’re a criminal,
And the media,
For not reporting it.

Good luck, everybody.
Have a good time.
Have a good time.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-air-force-one-arrival-prescott-az/

He’s a pote
And good for note.

More Prescott Verses:

You have a great governor as you know,
And your state is doing great with the pandemic.
Pandemic.
They’re getting tired of the pandemic
Aren’t they?
Getting tired of the pandemic.
You turn on CNN.
That’s all they cover.
COVID,
COVID,
pandemic,
COVID,
COVID,
COVID,
COVID.

You know why?
They’re trying to talk everybody out of voting.
People aren’t buying it CNN,
You dumb bastards.

They’re not buying it.

And more

Oh,
Were they happy when they heard I had it,

Right?

Did you see it?
They were,
“Well, we hope he gets better.
We hope he gets better soon.”

And then,
I came out
And I did a rally,
And they said,
“This guy hasn’t changed.”

Actually,
I don’t know if this is a compliment,
They said,
“He looks better now
Than before he had it.”

What’s that all about?
What’s that?
Who knows?

If you have it
You have it,
And you get better.

But we have great therapeutics.
I took something,
Regeneron,
Which we’re making available to everybody
Free,
But to me it was a cure.
Really,
It wasn’t a therapeutic to me,
It was a cure. I took it.
I didn’t feel so great.
I will tell you that.
I don’t like to admit that in a long time,
And I didn’t feel too great,
And when you’re president
You have a lot of doctors checking you out,
Right?

I told the story last night.

By the way,
These rallies,
They’re unbelievable.
And I like this better,
Remember,
We’re outside.
They all want us to be outside,
You know?
They’re all wanting us to be outside,
And these are outdoor rallies,
And we can hold more people
Than we can in the arenas.
These are the biggest rallies.
These are the biggest rallies ever had in history
By a political candidate.
They won’t say that.
No, it’s great.
It’s great.
But I took it
And it was incredible.
Incredible.
And I was out,
I took it,
And I felt like Superman.
The next morning I woke up,
Let me at them.
With your vote
We will continue
To cut your taxes and regulations
To maintain your energy independence,
Strengthen our military,
Support our great police,
Protect our Second Amendment,
Which is under siege,
Defend our borders,
Arrest violent criminals,
And confirm more judges
To uphold the rule of law.

OK, now see, this one practically IS a Broadway number: I refer you to “The Black Death” from Something Rotter

What’s that coming up the Silk Road?
Out of China?
The Black Death, BLACK DEATH, woo!

(Seriously though, keep 'em coming – these are all hilarious!)

OK, then, Vogon poetry is the fourth worst in the universe…