The Poetry of Donald J. Trump -- Special Felony Conviction Edition

The BBQ Pit
1

Trump produced a thirty minute screed in his typical stream-of-consciousness word-association mode. There’s no way I’m reproducing that whole thing, even to re-format it into a blank verse poem. But I’d feel guilty if I didn’t offer some of it.- Here it is

We just uh went through one of many experiences
Where we had a conflicted judge
Highly conflicted.
There’s never been a more conflicted judge
Now, I’m under a gag order
Which nobody’s ever been under
No presidential candidates.

Ever been under a gag order before

I’m under a gag order.
Nasty gag order
Where I’ve had to pay thousands of dollars
In penalties
And fines
And was threatened with jail.

Think of it.

I’m the leading candidate,
I’m leading Biden
By a lot and
I’m leading the Republicans
To the point where that’s over.

So I’m the leading person for president
And I am under a gag order
By a man that can’t put two sentences together
Given by a court
And they are in total conjunction
With the White House and the DOJ.

Just so you understand,
This is all done by Biden
And his people.

2

It’s nice that in the midst of all that, he stopped for a moment of self-reflection.

3

Maybe Trump can get the Nobel Prize in Literature since they wouldn’t give him the Peace Prize. So, unfair. And, the Emmys were rigged!

4

I can so see that set to music.

5

Because of hobbitses?

6

Nasty hobbitses! They stoles the precious election from us!

7

“Total Conjunction with the DOJ” is my funk band.

8

Total conjunction, what’s your function?
I got gag orders and rigged trials that make tan don sad

Paying penalites AND fines
Rigged by Biden OR Soros
Out of one trial AND into another
A convicted felon BUT I can still be president

9

Addendum: The Poetry of Donald J. Trump: Special Shark Electrocution Edition

At a campaign rally in Las Vegas on June 9 2024, Trump got weirder than normal

So I said,
‘Let me ask you a question,
And he said,
‘Nobody ever asked this question.’
And it must be because of MIT.
My relationship to MIT.

Very smart.

He goes.
I say,
“What would happen
If the boat sank from its weight?
And you’re in the boat
And you have this
Tremendously powerful battery,
And the battery is now underwater,
And there’s a shark
That’s approximately 10 yards
Over there.

By the way,
A lot of shark attacks lately.
You notice that?
A lot of shark.
I watch some guys
Justifying it today.
‘Well,
They weren’t really that angry.
They bit off the young lady’s leg
Because of the fact that they were—
They were not hungry,
But they misunderstood
What-
Who
She was.’

These people are crazy.

He said,
‘There’s no problem with sharks.
They just didn’t really understand
A young woman swimming.
No
Really got decimated
And other people too,
A lot of shark attacks,’

So I said,
‘So there’s a shark
10 yards away from the boat,
10 yards or here.
Do I get electrocuted?

If the boat is sinking,
Water goes over the battery,
The boat is sinking.
Do I stay on top of the boat
And get electrocuted?
Or do I jump over by the shark
And not get electrocuted?”

Because
I will tell you,
He didn’t know the answer.
He said,
‘You know,
Nobody’s ever asked me that question.’

I said,
‘I think it’s a good question.
I think there’s a lot of electric current
Coming through that water.’
But you know what I’d do
If there was a shark
Or you get electrocuted?

I’ll take electrocution every single time.
I’m not getting near the shark!

I think Trump has finally jumped that shark, myself.

10

I believe that he’s soon going to find that he can, in fact, put 34 sentences together. It remains to be seen whether they’re put together in parallel or in series.

11

I missed it, but apparently Trump made this speech about preferring electrocution by an electric boat battery to being eaten by a shark several months ago. So we can’t blame it all on 100+ degree noontime Vegas heat:

12

It does have sort of a William Finn vibe, à la “I’m Breaking Down” from Falsettos.