So some of you may remember this semi-debacle regarding a party my mother decided to (sort of) throw for me in honor of my recent nuptials.
The situation has had its ups and downs, but now it’s mostly up: My mother has cut her guest list in half, thus allowing me to invite more of my friends (note: this was not a completely altruistic move on her part, but it’s working for me anyway), and has been pretty hands-off in terms of decisions about food, party favors, etc. We’ve even worked out a (semi-ridiculous) way for SkipMagic to attend without offending any of the univited husbands. So I’m actually kind of excited about it. 
(Oh, and by the way, it’s not a shower, it’s an “Advice for the Newlywed” party, to circumvent the whole “Family Member Hosting a Shower” faux pas.)
So I got my little guest list together, and included on it were Skip’s stepmother and half-sister (who is 14–very cute gal). I got some grief from my own mother over Little Sister; my mother was fine with Stepmother, but insisted that Little Sis didn’t need to be invited because “she’s a child”.
Finally, I pulled out the Big Guns: I told my mother that Skip really wanted me to invite his sister (which was true; in fact, Little Sis was the only one he really cared about–if there had been a remotely un-rude way to invite her without Stepmother (which I wouldn’t have done anyway, because I like Stepmother), I think he’d have been fine with that).
And, as usual, invoking the Wishes of Skip ™ worked like a charm on my mother. She consented to an invitation for Little Sis.
So off the invites went, with a request to reply to my mother by Sept. 1.
This past weekend, I was at the home of SkipDad, Stepmother, and Little Sis, to pick up Little Sis for a girly day of manicures, pedicures, and lunch. She wasn’t quite ready, so I sat in the living room, chatting with Stepmom (and looking over a calendar to plan a family trip to the local Ren Fest–last year, Skip and I took Little Sis, but this year, SkipDad and Stepmom are coming, too).
That reminded me about the party, and I casually asked Stepmom if she’d received her invitation. She said she had, and had been wanting to talk to me about it. She had two things:
Thing 1:
Little Sis had some sports event going on that weekend, so she didn’t think they were going to be able to make it. She seemed a little distressed over it, so I emphasized that it was really no big affair, just a small girly-gathering, no big deal at all if she and Little Sis couldn’t come . . .
At that point, I pretty much started figuring on two fewer people at the party, but Stepmom then said that sometimes things can change at the last minute, so would it be OK for her to let my mom know at the last minute if they’d be coming?
Thing 2:
Also, would it be OK to bring her other daughter (Skip’s stepsister)? Stepsister hadn’t gotten an invitation, Stepmom explained, and had seen the invitations for Stepmom and Little Sis . . .
OK, before you think I’m an awful person, there are a couple of things to explain, here:
a) Stepsister is grown (married, has a kid), and does not live in the house with Stepmom and Little Sis.
b) Because of this, I have only met Stepsister once, when Skip and I made a half-hour appearance at a family gathering. We didn’t even really talk (aside from the cursory and cliche “I’ve heard so much about you” stuff), since she was busy with her baby, and there were quite a few people there.
c) Skip is not at all close to Stepsister; he does keep in touch with Little Sis, but does not talk more than a couple of times a year to Stepsister–in fact, I have a hard time remembering her name!
So, to be honest, I didn’t even think of her when I was making out my guest list. But frankly, even if I had thought of her, I would have been hesitant to invite her, because I only met her the one time (and briefly at that), whereas I’ve had a lot more contact with Stepmom and Little Sis. Also (and this is the big one), I would have feared that inviting her under such circumstances would give her the impression that I was only inviting her to get a gift from her (even though the party is not being billed as a shower, and I couldn’t care less about gifts, I’m sure that some people will feel like they should bring one). I know that I tend to think exactly that when a woman I barely know invites me to a party in her honor, especially (for some reason) if it’s at all wedding related . . .
So yeah. Either way, she probably wouldn’t have made my guest list, especially since it’s so limited (heck, my aunt Mary made the list, but my first cousins–Mary’s adult daughters–got axed, because I’m not really all that close to them, beyond a 5-minute stop-n-chat if we happen to meet up in line at the DMV or something). . .
But now that Stepmom has brought it up, I feel guilty. It certainly wasn’t my intention to make Stepsister feel excluded!
Of course I consented to Stepsister’s attendance (I mean, what else can ya do, and besides, I felt so bad about the whole thing that I was on the verge of offering to send a chauffered limo to drive Stepsister to the party), and desperately tried to do damage control by emphasizing that I’d only met her the one time, and so had worried that inviting her would make me seem greedy for gifts . . .
But I’m curious as to what you all think–how guilty should I feel, here? Was I horribly rude to exclude Stepsister?
Ack! The awkward politics of parties . . .
