A couple of months ago, I was healthy with normal (for me) poops, every couple of days. Then I started working out and drinking protien shakes, and I was pooping everyday like a real person!
Then I came down with a sinus infection/bronchitis combo and had to give up the shakes, (milk based drinks + bronchitis = bad idea). Plus, I wasn’t eating very much since it was impossible to breath while chewing, and the sinus infection was filling my stomach with other things, so who needs food!
After I recovered, I had lost several pounds, so I started trying to eat bigger meals with more meat. Before that, I would eat meat about three times a week, I just don’t care for it and only have it when I fix a meal for my husband. Also, I needed to get my strength up for an upcomming surgery.
MONSTER POOPS!!!
There were a couple of times, I thought I was giving my son the baby brother he always wanted.
I did NOT want any monster poops shortly after having surgery. So, the week before, I was real careful about what I ate. Almost no fruit and vegies, very little fiber, smaller portions and less meaty meals. And it worked!
Then a few days after the surgery, I realized that the pain I was having was not surgery related. So, I took a laxative. BTW when the box says “works overnight, to give you gentle results in the morning.” I thought “in the morning” meant after you’ve gotten up for the day, not at 4:30 a.m.! And what’s this “gentle” business? Gentle, compared to what?!?!
I’m still recovering from surgery, it was lastweek. But I’m eating normal and getting a little worried. It’s been 2 days since the laxative episode. I think the poop fairy is fed up with me.
Well, obviously, you have been petitioning the wrong Pagan entity.
Poop and fairies? Where did you go to school?
(ok, so that wasn’t very therapeutic; I’ll try again).
hillbilly queen (and may I say that for this topic, no moniker is more appropriate)–you need to expiate the poop gnome, if not the dwarf.
Just think of them down there, mining away. Blasting thru miles of small intestine to finally achieve the Great Cavern that is the colon. There the poop gnomes wait (ignominiously, of course) until they are called.
IMO, the problem is either that you are not calling them correctly or not loudly enough. Time for some stern measures to get these poop gnomes in line.
give 'em a bath–tis dirty in your colon! The gnomes need water, better yet, fruit juice, especially prune juice. Make a cocktail of 7-up and ice cold prune juice and have a ball.
make 'em work! They’re sitting down there where the living is easy. Give 'em some fiber to use those pickaxes on. Do 'em good, the lazy bastards.
Answer the call. You are calling them and yet, they are calling to you. (I am envisioning a version of Jeanetter MacDonald and Nelson Eddy here)–if you hear your name, from across a crowded room, go where it is quiet and you can really hear the voices.
Well, obviously, you have been petitioning the wrong Pagan entity.
Poop and fairies? Where did you go to school?
(ok, so that wasn’t very therapeutic; I’ll try again).
hillbilly queen (and may I say that for this topic, no moniker is more appropriate)–you need to expiate the poop gnome, if not the dwarf.
Just think of them down there, mining away. Blasting thru miles of small intestine to finally achieve the Great Cavern that is the colon. There the poop gnomes wait (ignominiously, of course) until they are called.
IMO, the problem is either that you are not calling them correctly or not loudly enough. Time for some stern measures to get these poop gnomes in line.
give 'em a bath–tis dirty in your colon! The gnomes need water, better yet, fruit juice, especially prune juice. Make a cocktail of 7-up and ice cold prune juice and have a ball.
make 'em work! They’re sitting down there where the living is easy. Give 'em some fiber to use those pickaxes on. Do 'em good, the lazy bastards.
Answer the call. You are calling them and yet, they are calling to you. (I am envisioning a version of Jeanetter MacDonald and Nelson Eddy here)–if you hear your name, from across a crowded room, go where it is quiet and you can really hear the voices.
A friend of a friend of a co-worker’s step-daughter says that some pain meds can also slow stuff down. Things should get back to normal once you’re not using them anymore. If that’s the cause at least. Or so I understand…
I’ve always been a little leery about laxatives that claim to work overnight. Sounds like you take one, and when you wake up, you have a much longer shower ahead of you. Not to mention more laundry than you had planned to do that day.
Ewww, it smells like poo gas in here. The scottish term for that being “crud vapors,” o’ course.
Anyone who knows what that references wins … wins … well, whatever is appropriate for a poop-related thread.
I was going to say “wins a visit from the poop fairy” but that sounded kinda bad
That is true from my experience. Whenever I’ve had to use pain medication, it slowed my system down. If you are on meds, that could very likely be the issue.
