no, i dont actually like spam.
Wow, that was fun. And completely shameless. I wish i could post more than once every 60 seconds though.
Yay, 5 in a row by me! this will be 6. ok, im going to stop now before i look like an even bigger idiot than i already do.
Short Poem?
Me
Pee.
Remember an Irishman is never drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.
Oooh, darn it! I always miss posting immediately after someone mentions my name. Rats!
Other than that…post padding stuff. I have no money…<breaks into song> yes, we have no bananas…<stops singing when mercifully beaten about the head and shoulders by enraged undead hamsters>
hypergirl: were you trying to get to 150 posts all in one thread?
I am so damn bored here at work tonight. I have done nothing all day. Hell, all day? All week!
Short poem:
I
Why?
Worker bees are free.
Even drones can fly away.
The Queen is their slave.
An alliterative Haiku by the dude (or chic, as it were) who wrote Fight Club*.
Thank you.
:::bows:::
There is nothing good or bad in life but thinking makes it so.
-Hamlet
Act II, Scene ii
I like chicken.
What do you get when you cross a dirty lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton
I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had during my time here.
It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area, and you multiply, and multiply, until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area.
There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet, you are a plague, and we are the cure.
-Agent Smith, The Matrix
(paraphrase from memory)
Hm. I’ve never actually killed anyone before. I mean, I’ve planned and executed bomb runs over baghdad and killed millions, but I’ve never killed on a one-to-one basis.
I don’t see what the big deal is… I really don’t.
-Vic Deakins, Broken Arrow
(paraphrase from memory)
Now, if you are going to do an ode to spam, then you have to do it like this…
Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.
Man (Eric Idle): You sit here, dear.
Wife (Graham Chapman in drag): All right.
Man (to Waitress): Morning!
Waitress (Terry Jones, in drag as a bit of a rat-bag): Morning!
Man: Well, what’ve you got?
Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings (starting to chant): Spam spam spam spam…
Waitress: …spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam…
Vikings (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: …or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there’s spam egg sausage and spam, that’s not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY spam!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean ‘Urgghh’? I don’t like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can’t have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife (shrieks): I don’t like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don’t cause a fuss. I’ll have your spam. I love it. I’m having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings (singing): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam… (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings (singing elaborately): Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!
I don’t care what you think of me.
I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care that you’re alive.
I know that you think of me, because everyone does.
You can’t escape me, and you can never be safe.
I am who you are looking over your shoulder for.
I am the man they make movies about.
For every Serial Killer they discover and execute, there are 12 that are never found.
I am your cold sweat, I am who you look for in your back seat.
I will never be caught, because I am not a Serial Killer.
I don’t have a Modus Operandi.
I don’t have a victim preference.
I kill.
I like to kill.
I love it.
Sometimes I drink the blood of my victims.
Sometimes it makes me sick.
There is never any evidence, not a hair, not a skin fragment, not a fingerprint, not even a footprint.
I have been killing for 6 years.
I have lost count of how many people and animals I have butchered, but I am sure it is in the high thousands.
I kill one, sometimes two and three times a month.
And I will never be caught.
And I don’t care what you think of me.
I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care that you’re alive.
I know that you think of me, because everyone does.
You can’t escape me, and you can never be safe.
I hope you think of me, as you reach around and feel for the light switch in a dark room.
I hope you think about the strange, cold hand closing over yours.
I hope I can bring this nightmare alive for you.
I know you think of me.
I know you don’t want to.
…but you will.
I like fish. (and chicken…and steak)
For Christ’s sake, it’s “a lot”, not “alot”!
I haven’t really read any of the posts here, so I’m not singling out anyone in this thread, but for everyone else… beware!
Unlike the rest of you I have no need to pad my post count.I feel confident with myself just the way I am. If I don’t have any thing nice to say I say nothing at all. Now you know the truth. I’m a bitch but I’m too nice to let the rest of you know it.
Damn you Shadowfox, now I’m going to have that damn spam song in my head all night.I guess it’s just as well…
I was getting tired of the lumberjack song twittering around in my subconscious.
Yay! I made the 100th post!!!