The postage stamp test for impotency

Rather than bump this ancient thread thought I’d start a new one.

Used to be, there was a common test for impotency in which you wrapped a roll of postage stamps around your Mr. Happy before bedtime, and in the morning, if the perforations were detached, it proved you had an erection overnight and therefore it wasn’t a physical problem. Two questions:

(1) Are any postage stamps made the old way, in a roll with perforations instead of a backing plastic that you unpeel? Because I sure haven’t seen any in years.

(2) If not, what’s the substitute for the famous perforated postage stamp test?
(In case anyone’s wondering…don’t need answer fast.) :slight_smile:

Remember Christmas Seals?

“Mom, do we have stamps?”

“Your dad has some next to the bed.”


They don’t hand out Blue Chip Stamps any more, but apparently you can buy them as collectibles. Just don’t tell the seller what you’re using them for.

Checking the website, you can order a roll (what they call a “coil”) of 100 US flag stamps, although it’s not clear if they’re self-adhesive and mounted on wax paper, or are the old-fashioned perforated type. Make sure you explain to the counter clerk why you’re ordering that particular product.

“Honey, did you mail my Johnson, again?”

Yes, as in, “I need these stamps for my package.”

Absolutely. Deutsche Post still makes perforated stamp rolls; I saw post office employees using them as recently as last month. Pretty sure I’ve seen the same in other countries’ post offices in the past year. Potentially impotent men in countries that no longer make perforated stamp rolls can always order them from somewhere else.

Surely the absence of a stamp busting erection is a sign of erectile dysfunction, not impotence. There are some well known ‘cures’ for ED.

Aren’t the two terms synonymous?

So now we have a new acronym, SBE. :smack:

In the 80s I made extra cash as a normal control (heh) at a sleep lab.

The best paying studies involved wearing a mercury filled strain gauge around the base of my penis to detect “nocturnal penile tumescence”. In one such study, a tech came into the room to visually confirm each erection. For that night the pay was $350. For just-plain sleeping the pay was $80 a night.

I’ll have to pay you in installments, but I think I can swing it.

Years ago I underwent a penile plethysmograph, which I think is what you’re describing. I had a monitor box strapped to my thigh all night, with a couple of loops around my penis (one hear the head, one near the base) that gently contracted at regular intervals (maybe once every few seconds) to gauge whether there was an erection or not. If there’s an erection, then the loop can’t contract as much as if there’s no erection.

I suppose the old postage stamp test would work, but the stamps might also tear as you’re tossing and turning in the night, and even if they don’t, they’ll only give you a single indication. The plethysmograph gives you a plot of tumescence vs. time, so you can see how many events there were, how long each lasted, when they occurred, etc.

Kind of. ED is specific to the inability to maintain an erection. Impotence also includes this but can also mean inability to have an orgasm. I don’t to put words in bob++'s mouth but he may be using “impotence” to mean “sterility,” an entirely different thing.

Impotence isn’t your problem…

If you don’t get an erection from that…

Do Viagra/Cialis even work if it’s a physical problem? (i.e. someone who fails the “stamp” test.)

Here’s a funny video with Johnny Carson & Charles Grodin discussing impotence, made even funnier since they weren’t allowed to say certain words on TV back then.

AFAIK, all the coiled stamps are on the backing. But you can buy a rectangular sheet of many denominations of stamps that’re, say, 5x10 stamps. One row or column off that sheet would do the trick. e.g. The Postal Store @
Some of these stamps are pretty large; you might only need part of a row/column unless you’re superman. :slight_smile:

Viagra and Cialis overcome some categories of physical problem.

Failing the stamp test indicates that the problem is physical rather than psychological. Males automatically have erections during REM sleep, when psychological issues can’t come into play. If you don’t, then your problem is physical.