No, my penis has always been small. That way can have sex with small furry animals.
The reason I know about the above was that I was doing this squirrel one time, it fell out, and I ended up ramming a tree.
Got a splinter.
Marmots are better, and you can take that to the BANK, Squirrel-boy!
Anyway, since we’re on the subject of penis sizes, I must say that mine is only 1 inch long, but over 60 inches wide. So ladies, making love to me is like humping the top of a formica counter; you have been warned.
I so did not need to know about the violation of our woodland friends. I believed them desired for their warm coats, not their waorm, oh, ick, never mind.
I so did not need to know about the violation of our woodland friends. I believed them desired for their warm coats, not their waorm, oh, ick, never mind.
Dude…take it from an Eagle Scout…squirrel on TOP…they don’t do missionary very well.
Hey, Wabbit: is that diameter or circumference?
Call me cockeyed 
but on several occasions I’ve slipped out and stabbed Mrs Kamandi’s perineum, to the sound of an loud “pop”, kind of like a knuckle cracking. Guess I’m a little more enthusiastic than accurate. Hurt like hell every time, but no apparent lasting effects. (Except now I piss around corners :D)
And let me tell you boys, stabbing your lady’s perineum is a sure-fire way to cool off the romance in a hurry. The usual response is something like: “OW!! Can’t you aim that fucking thing?!?”
That would be diameter AND circumference (don’t ask how–it’s new math).
And yes, I freely admit to being a genetic mutant with a warped sense of humor…
Ahahah… shocking secrets revealed!
Mr. Fenris, as an allegedly sentient adult (though the following information will demonstrate that plankton is more sentient), also zipped himself up without it being entirely tucked in first, too. It didn’t leave Mr. Fenris scarred for life, but Mr. Fenris is now, very,VERY,VERY careful around zippers.
Fenris
The scientific term for perineum is “taint”
Sua
As in “It taint happenin’ unless you can figure out where to put that thing!” ?
As in “'t ain’t your balls, 't ain’t your asshole.” You know, “taint.” Although yours works too.
Oh God I love you Sua. I love you with all the passion that a third grade girl has for her substitute art teacher.
jarbaby
I like being able to ask the pharmacist for
“extra medium, please”
You know, aside from ease of oral fun, there are…umm…other places you might want to stick that thing that are easier if it’s smaller.
-L
I’m glad to hear you survived the ‘zipper incident’ without any long lasting effects, but you may want to be careful. Seems the fatherjohn syndrome’s got you big time!
(no smilies in the pit, otherwise there might be one here)
Ok, my above post was just wrong. KP235 is embarrassed and ashamed to link a poster such as fenris to ole’ you know who. KP235 retracts that post entire and awaits any thrashing he gets for making it.
::sniffle:: I wish I was as fortunate as you. Mine’s always getting caught in the car door…
[sub]Think I’m lying? Ask racinchikki.[/sub]
That’s the LAST time I read the Straight Dope while holding my penis with hemostats. The scanning electron microscope had JUUUUUUST about fixed a position on it when I started laughing at this thread. Unlocked the hemostats and now the whole thing’s gone to hell.
<sigh>
Cartooniverse