The psychology of punctual people vs late people according to lisalan

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Sometimes it’s a physical condition. I was chronically late to work frequently for many years. Once there I was fine, but some days I just absolutely could not get up and going.

When I was 39 a neurologist diagnosed me as narcoleptic. I’d always thought of narcolepsy as the disorder where you drift off to sleep while talking to somebody, but in fact that’s only one form of it, and while it’s the most severe form it’s the easiest to diagnose since it’s so easily noticed. Waking up is a biochemical process, and simply put mine is messed up; my REM mode is also not like other people’s (I can go from awake to REM within 5 minutes of going to sleep) and there are other factors at play. One of the biggest ways the condition affects me is this: if my alarm clock doesn’t go off, I’m screwed. My circadian rythms are FUBAR- if I don’t set alarms and there’s no external motivation to wake up I might stretch out for 8 hours of shut eye and sleep 15 hours even if I’m not particularly tired.

I take medication when I can get insurance to pay for it (currently they won’t and it’s expensive- they look for reasons to disallow it and currently it’s that my sleep study is 5 years old and I need a new one- which they also don’t want to pay for because it’s for a pre-existing condition :rolleyes::mad:. I have learned some exercises and some habits, such as rituals and positioning of the bed and keeping a 5 Hour Energy Drink on the bedside table that I chug THE MOMENT I wake up and other coping mechanisms that help greatly (though I still want the medicine) and I can usually get up at the time I need to do so.

Now once I’m up and on the move I’m as punctual as most people, it’s the daily jump start that bothers me. But this is what irks me about every lecture I ever got on being inconsiderate of others due to a nightmarish inability to wake up- while I realize that it’s a my problem and not a your problem, it’s really not just sloth or being selfish, there are extenuating factors.

62

Not in my mind. You really should’ve been there at 11:55. Everyone I know does that, because it takes time to find the right table, and get the attention of the host/ess. Actually, if you really are considerate of other people’s time, you show up at 11:50, because then you have time to catch up with your friends before ordering. No one wants to order before catching up, does he? That way, the appetizers arrive exactly at 12 noon, which is what we mean when we say, “Lunch at noon,” isn’t it?

63

Everyone you know? No one I know does that. When we say “meet at noon,” that means we all convene at the restaurant at noon, then are seated. That doesn’t mean we get there earlier so that the food arrives at noon. And we “catch up” while we’re eating–that’s the whole purpose of the lunch! If my friends wanted us to meet at 11:50, why would they say “let’s meet at noon?” That doesn’t make any sense at all to me.

64

Keeping in mind that I’m generally very punctual, saving for poo blowouts as previously mentioned, this post strikes me as unnecessarily uptight. It’s great if you do this as a habit, but if you expect your friends to actually be 10 minutes earlier than the appointed time - well - that’s your problem and it’s not they who are rude if they show up at 11:55 or 12:00 Noon and you make a stink. Even 12:04 seems pretty reasonable.

65

No, taking a few minutes to unpoop the baby doesn’t make you inconsiderate. (Please feel free to take as long as you need to destink the little guy. Please. We’ll wait as long as takes, really.) That’s not the sort of thing this thread is about–we’re not talking about being late from time to time because, as you say, shit happens. We’re talking about being late the majority of the time because you can’t figure out a drive that always takes you 40 minutes is going to, in fact, take you 40 minutes, or because you can’t be arsed to keep an eye on the clock.

66

In my early 20s I used to have a difficult time being punctual and there are still times when I lose track of time.

I use a few tricks to keep me punctual. One of them is to set my clocks about 10 to 20 minutes ahead. For the jeerers and detractors of this “trick” I say “Yes, yes. I KNOW, the clocks know, and anyone who’s been to my house knows. I have no allusions that I’m fooling myself or that I can forget or anything, it’s merely a mild psychological trick, and for some people it works”.

Also, as I say above there are still occasional times I zone out and have almost made myself late. When I’m in one of my “spacey” times and if I’ve got appointments scheduled, I use a kitchen timer, or my cell phone alarm or something and set them in 10 to 15 minute increments. That way, if I’m expected somewhere at 6pm and I start getting ready at 515pm, I don’t zone off into doing something and make myself late. It might be worth a try.

I remember a former doper (Esprix maybe?) who talked about how he was never on time anywhere, except maybe sometimes to movies and stuff. He described how, even if he was invited to a party that started in the early evening, he might not show up until 10 or 11, even if it meant he missed a bunch of fun stuff. His answer to “but why”? was a very cryptic “I’ve just got better things to do”.

Very confusing, why even be friends with those people if you don’t even spend time with them? Granted, his case was extreme, but it does seem awfully weird for folks to simply never be able to figure it out, so that they’re chronically late.

67

Every time this subject comes up, I swear there’s more hostility than any political debate.

I am usually on time or a bit early, and it’s because I work my butt off at it. I have ADHD, which means that a) I am very easily distracted and b) I can also slip into hyperfocus where I completely lose track of time. Usually, if there’s an appointment, I figure out when I need to leave, when I need to get ready, add 5-10 minutes for goblins, and then keep an eye on the clock. There’s a clock in every room, so no matter where I am, I can check it every time it occurs to me. BUT, if I slip into hyperfocus - especially if I’ve started something that takes focused concentration - the rest of the world, including all the clocks go away, and it isn’t until after I’ve finished that task that I look up, check a clock and scream in panic.

It doesn’t happen often anymore, because I’ve learned that if I have an appointment, then during that half of the day, I do not read newspapers, magazines, or message boards, I don’t play sudoku, mah-jhonng, I don’t watch tv or a movie, I don’t pay bills, and I don’t try to get anything for work done. I just get ready.

My mom is an interesting contrast, and it does make me nuts. If it’s an “official” appointment - a doctor’s appointment, a dinner reservation, a movie - she will be ready to go, and we’ll be there on time. If it’s anything nebulous, like, “hey, let’s go out to the beach today,” it will literally never happen. She will putter all day long until there’s no time left. If a third person joins the plans, then she gets back on track. Very discouraging, I tell you. Yet, I know she means no disrespect. She just has a ‘get moving’ threshold, and until it’s met, her brain is not in gear.

Another friend, however . . . she is, quite literally, a minimum of an hour late for everything, including doctor appointments. I suspect her GP’s office knows that anytime they schedule her, they tell her to show up an hour before they really pencil her in. I’ve been there, watching the clock count down from “plenty of time” to “okay, get ready” to “do it fast!” to “you’re gonna be late!” to “you are now late!”, and she hasn’t moved an inch. She’s not a mean person, but there is definitely a passive-aggressive streak in her half a mile wide. She is also severely depressed, morbidly obese, wracked by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and she has three children and a very passive husband. I suspect that it is both the only way she can exert any meaningful control over her life and an area she simply doesn’t have the resources to deal with just now. In the end, what it means is that we do things on my schedule. I show up at her place, toss her purse at her, and tell her we’re going. Or, I just don’t include her.

68

I’m on time or early always to the point of being neurotic about it. I used to feel queasy, although I didn’t get sick, if I was so much as one minute late. I’m not that bad anymore. I don’t drive and am at the mercy of public transportation, so I get there when they do. I plan accordingly.

I don’t where this came from because, except for my mom, the rest of my family, sister, brother and dad, are all latecomers.

69

When I am running late I feel bad. I have empathy for the person who waiting for me. I feel guilty for wasting someone’s time and self-conscious about putting myself in a position of being literally waited-on like some silver-spooned aristocrat. I therefore try to be on time. Given that I’m not a stupid person, it is generally not difficult to accomplish this modest goal. I can only assume that those who are chronically late (without a good excuse like poo blowouts) are either 1) stupid, 2) narcissistic, or 3) sociopaths.

My assumption is that most who give excuses that equate to “I’m not good with time management” are essentially admitting that they are narcissistic.

70

There’s another kind of person who is intentionally late. I’ve known one since we were children. His justification is: If I’m in the middle of an important conversation, it would be rude to leave before it was brought to a reasonable closure. You, Wogglebug, are also important, and if our conversation is important, I’ll make someone else wait while we finish talking.

The rationale doesn’t appeal to his wife at all, but I have a certain limited sympathy for it. If I know the guy is always late, then I’m not going to worry if I’m late too. Not going to get upset if he doesn’t show. Not feel guilty if I feel I’ve waited long enough … and leave.

Systematically, that works. It’s essentially saying, “I’m making a social contract with you that I will show up at 12 pm +/- 15 minutes. I give you the same latitude.”

So what happens when next person does not agree with that social contract? My friend also has an answer for that, and it’s that he essentially disagrees with a culture that’s centered on schedules. It’s not that he is being rude, per se, he is in conflict with the attitude of the person who wants to maintain schedules. It’s not rudeness it’s social hostility.

71

I am always early for things. This is not a virtue, but a sign of insecurity. I always think that if I arrive late, people will leave without me.

72

Sounds to me like a puerile rationalization for being self-centered.

73

Hello, my name is Raguleader, and I… I’m chronically running late. :frowning:

(Hello Raguleader)

taking a sip from sytrofoam cup of coffee Sorry for being late to this meeting of Tardiness Anonymous, but I guess you know how it can be. I can’t say that I choose to be late, in fact, I get annoyed whenever I do end up late for whatever reason. I think it has more to do with the way my mind works than anything else (which I guess would make it a “character flaw”). I know where Point A is, and where Point B is, and roughly how long it takes to get between the two.

However, it seems like there is always a variety of little things that take longer than it really seems like they should. Shaving doesn’t take that long, getting into my uniform or putting my boots on shouldn’t take that long, hell, getting from my dorm room outside to the parking lot shouldn’t take that long. So why do I say “Hah, made it!” every time I get into my office just before the minute hand strikes the top of the clock?

Well, obviously, I’m not starting early enough. I should be starting with my shaving and getting dressed 15 or 20 minutes earlier to make up the difference. I should also be going to bed at 9 or 10PM instead of 2AM like I always do. It seems worth noting that I am also typically the last person to make it out of the office after closing time. I’m not usually working any later than anyone else is, it seems that I’m just slower by nature.

I also have a tendency to procrastinate and put things off even when I know better. It doesn’t make any sense, and I will angst over it while procrastinating (which of course makes even less sense.) I dunno, maybe I need to get some of that Adderall stuff, maybe the next motivating boot up my ass from my superiors will do the trick. I keep all this in mind and do my best to adapt for it. The result is, if I’m not running late or getting there in the ta-DAH nick of time, I’m showing up twenty minutes early and just waiting around for all the punctual people to grace me with their presence. I don’t really mind waiting (because, as mentioned, I’m early), but I always feel like a doof when I do it.

Now, let’s address a different issue that the OP reminds me of. People who don’t bother to spell common words like kryptonite give the impression that they don’t care enough about the task to pay close enough attention to detail, and are thus unreliable for important tasks. (I keed, I keed, just needling ya. :D)

74

Grrrrrrrrrr…oh yeah, lateness really bugs me.

A little tip for those with difficulty being there on time.

Make a simple little note, mental or physical, of how long you estimate the various phases are going to take you. Dressing, showering, leaving the house, walking, driving etc.
You don’t need to do all of them at once, perhaps just concentrate on dressing first eh?
Now here is the clever bit. After completing that phase just take a second to note whether it took you longer or shorter than your estimate, and what might have caused that.

AND THAT IS IT! you can now either alter your estimate in future or tackle the problems.

Too much effort? well we know where we stand don’t we? We know that being early isn’t worth 30 seconds reflection on your part.

75

I’m good at knowing what time it is without a watch or correctly assessing how much time something will take, and it happens to me fairly often to have people I’m waiting for being seriously late (more to do with the specific people I hang out with). Still, anal retentive people that think they somehow got a moral superiority because they’re on time annoy me considerably. They almost always are the broom in the ass type.
Go skulk in your corner, we all know how much you enjoy it and wouldnt want to deprive you of that pleasure.

76

Sorry… got to this discussion late…
heh…
Well, I have met and dealt with many “punctualists” in my life… some I have helped, some I have infurated, and a few… (well… don’t ask me where I buried the bodies…)
Look, if you want to get hung up about anything, go ahead, do it, I won’t stop you…

but IF you:

Want me to wear a very pecular shade of yellow, to make you happy…
good luck
want me to take a very pecular posture when I deal with you?
good luck…
want me to be humming a certain tune…
good luck
some of us are dumb enough to need rules and regulations,
some of us are flexible enough to know that exactitude is only required rarely, and is worth the time/bother/money
and some of us are smart enough to know the difference

77

People are taking tardiness too personally here. It’s already been noted that ideas about the value of timeliness vary from culture to culture. It varies regionally, too, IMO, and from family to family. Some of you were raised to believe that being on time makes you a better person. I’d say it makes you a better bank clerk or security guard.

My wife, for instance, is an unselfish person. If there’s one piece of pizza left, nine times out of ten I can have it. If that’s not unselfish I don’t know what is. She is not, however, prompt. If we’re supposed to meet somewhere, nine times out of nine she’s a half an hour late.

It used to annoy me. She does some of the things people talked about, like underestimating the amount of time it takes to do things. I won’t go into great detail but she once decided to see the Vatican and gave herself about two hours to get it done. If you’ve been to the Vatican you know that two hours is a conservative estimate on how long it takes to see the foyer.

Still, she’s not a selfish person. I mean, obviously. I mentioned the pizza, right? Anyway, it’s very easy to deal with. I just lie and say the movie or train is a half an hour earlier than it is and she’s right on time. If she ever figures out my little ruse she might well compensate and I’ll have to change my lie to an hour, of course, which could become a cycle. I can foresee a day when I routinely tell her to be somewhere today when I want her there tomorrow.

Would it be simpler if she just –for gosh sakes– straightened up and flew right? Well, yes. But life’s a compromise and I value my wife for her values other than a niggling promptitude. There are so many more important qualities a person can have. For instance… well, I did mention the pizza, right?

Anyway, I can hardly throw stones. I long ago learned to avoid jobs like bank clerk and security guard. I also learned to ignore comments from co-workers such as the ever-popular “Early for the late shift, hey Dave?” No, actually. I have arrived at exactly the time that suits me today, just as you come in at a time that suits you-- there are no business reasons for you to be here at 7 am. The hours I work are between me and my boss and are not my cubicle buddy’s concern.

78

Did it ever occur to you that she simply doesn’t want that last slice of pizza? She is a woman after all.

79

Not only does she let me have the last slice, she does it without mention of how fat I’m getting.

80

Now that I realise just how much it annoys people when I’m late I assure you I’ll be late far more often.